Search Results: he has a lot of girls chasing him

in case you dont know by now I am really not a bad person at heart, my criminal record is clean and I have no history of violence. as far as I remember the last time I ever got into a fight with someone was in middle school. but of course my childhood was not perfect. I have Adhd and Asperger's syndrome, I grew up in a really bad neighborhood, I was bullied all my life, I grew up without a dad, I lost him to cancer during my highschool days, my two older brothers were troublemakers, and my mom has Borderline Personality Disorder and many other neurotic disorders. growing up with her was not easy, she use to abuse me physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally on a daily basis and on top of that she use to take off on me all the time thus leaving me with different folks almost on a weekly basis. I even witness her get physically assaulted right in front of me when I was 11 years old and when I was 17 she chased me down with a knife over some damn argument that she decided to take beyond personal.

now I been living on my own for 4 years now and I been feeling a lot more calmer. I practice meditation and many other activities that help recover me both mentally and emotionally. but I am terrified of starting a relationship now, I fear that one day I may lose my temper and and say or do things that may hurt my girl in any way, shape or form. I can't say I will put my hands on her as again I'm not an advocate of violence but in the past when I've lost my temper I use to throws things around, punch walls and many other things. I've also said lots of things that I always end up regretting later on.

so anyways I was just wondering, should I seek anger management before starting a serious relationship? or am I just being too paranoid?

I went college with a girl, and have now been out of college for two years and still talk with her/live near her. I'm not going to go on about our story... because everyone has had someone who they have considered a soulmate. I am a unique person and she is similar in ways I couldn't imagine someone being. We connected on a lot of different levels... chemistry, personality, physically... etc. Nothing ever happened at school, but it was close. She dated people and I dated people, and it never seemed to happen. She was the type of girl who had a lot of guys all ove her, and some guys considered her a tease. I told her about my feelings too late, and she reciprocated (at least through words), but was moving away at the time and did not want to start a relationship.

Long story short, after a while away from one another, were about to reconnect. I'm guarded and definitely don't want to be strung along. I don't think she is doing that, but I feel like I've seen her do this to other guys. She has told me she has felt like she had missed out on a chance with her soulmate. When we do reconnect... should I wait for her to innitiatie things? Or should I talk with her and get an answer from her and either date her or move on? I'm 24 and smart/old enough to not want to play games. Right now, I believe the ball is in her court though... I've told her how I felt in the past and it didn't work out... I don't want to be foolish and chase anyone... It never turns out well Any thoughts?

Thanks!

OK, so I have always found it more natural and even attractive when a girl approaches a guy she is interested in or even makes the first move. I'm not saying do all the work, but just make the first move. Be the one that apporaches the guy, not the other way around. When they show interest in me first, it speaks volumes for me. I guess the thinking process of this for me is that, as a guy, society has brain washed guys and girls to think that the men are supposed to chase the girl and to make the first move and so on and so forth. And it just ain't so Joe (ann) :p. I mean, how many relationships are crappy, end in divorce, or have no real affection towards each other? Way too many. Heck, most. And I think this is why.

I think guys chasing a girl is contrawise to how God created us. But even more than that, I believe that when a guy is making all the moves, doing all of the initiating, putting in all the investing and interest, then it's not really a mutual thing. It's basically, I'm the guy. I like you a lot and the girl is kind of just there taking all of the attention. Feeding her ego. And the guy is stuck in this endless cycle of validating himself. The girl is just with the guy b/c she doesn’t want to be without one. And he is good for now, but she will easily dump him for another. And not even necessarily a better one. It's just 'new.'

And this is what I mean about "why aren't women making the first moves?" Like, ok yea. You want me to come approach you. Ok, easy. Done. You want me to do this and that. Like some check list. It's just so easy and robotic. But is there any real attraction? Or is it just that I am checking all of your damn boxes on your list? Not to be rude or mean. But I am just really turned off by these check lists from girls.

If a girl would approach me first or make the first move, I would feel more inclined to be the man and lead. But when You make the guy do everything, the guy never feels like he is wanted or needed. Like come on ladies.