Search Results: talking to dead people

So, I'll be starting high school in September (in Istanbul, Turkey) and I wanted to ask this question.
If you don't have time to read details, skip to the bottom.

For all my life, I was known as the weird one in school. It was same even in elementary school where I had a racist phase. When I grew up and started thinking before talking, it got worse, because at this point, my opinions differ dramatically from those of other Turkish people. Older Turks (+18) don't agree with me and other teens have no clue what I'm talking about. For example, I recognize the Armenian Genocide when it's almost illegal. Elders deny it and teens don't know what it is. No one speaks English , which is why I have a hard time speaking. They don't have opinions about anything—sexuality, politics, human rights. I had girls running away from me with the mention of sex ed. I thought that one girl was going to drop dead when I told her I was bi.

So, the question is: should I play it dumb in high school, trying to fit in and make friends, pretending to be interested in clothing and boys, or should I be myself? I want to be myself, but myself drives people away and I don't want to be alone for four years.

I was having a conversation a little while ago and this subject came up. Everyone knows that you're your own worst critic. But just how bad are you? I personally am horrible to myself. Yesterday I was talking with my Mom and she saw a picture that I took of myself in my phone. She went on to say how pretty I looked and I unconsciously said "yeah right mom, pretty and me don't go together." I wasn't even thinking about it, that's just the first thing that came to mind. She got so mad at me. And she mentioned something that kind of stuck. I'm a big advocate for verbal abuse. I can't stand it. And she said to me, "I see you give people advice and get so passionate about verbal abuse and bullying and everything, and then you turn around and be the biggest bully to yourself. It's very hypocritical of you." I denied it of course, but she was pretty dead on.

I'm very hard on myself. There have been times that I've picked myself apart so badly that I actually made myself cry. And so I know that I would have 0 friends if I treated them that way. I don't even wanna be my own friend sometimes lol.

But what about yall? Would y'all have friends if you treated them the way that you treated yourself?

(I'll even allow Anons this time)