Search Results: help self esteem

Okay, so I have met this girl, she gorgeous, she is sweet, she has got a great body, and eyes so blue i could get lost in her gaze, so... one problem we live 5 and a half hours apart. I have massive self esteem issues, I hate myself almost half of the time, somewhat due to my history of substance abuse and depression, this girl came along when i was vulnerable and lonely.

When we first met, i thought she was so great she was too great to be real, and so i didn't act on my feelings. However now I have got real close with her, and i know her & we make each other laugh, with our inside jokes & in general similar chit chat, and very similar humour, she tells me "how can i be so hilarious" & says "we need to meetup" again & again.

I have told her i don't think i can offer her a relationship, but really i'd do anything to be in a relationship with her, id give everything & anything, she is damn near perfect in my eyes, i just don't want to upset or hurt her, i want her to know how i feel but i'm scared to loose her. I encouraged her to date this guy, because i want her to be happy, i care about her more than i care about my love and lust for her, but i want her so bad, i want to be with & close to her so bad, however, despite having gone on a date with this guy, she's told me "i will never loose her" & "she wouldn't date this guy if he stopped her talking to me", that "she trusts me more than i'll ever know", that she is not going to sleep with him yet," that "i'm cute" we've exchanged nudes & she has asked me for dick pics, & has complimented me, and i have done the same for her, we have had conversations about sex lots, & how we like it & how she wants it, she's told me that our "relationship won't change" & "she will always be there for me" i feel like she is testing me by seeing how i react to her going on a date, but when that guy asked her out, the first thing she did was contact me for advice, & she asks me for advice on pics of outfits. help?