Hello people of GaG. I have decided to do a mytake on abuse more specifically domestic abuse. I will be covering three parts; signs that you are in an abusive relationship, tips on how to leave an abusive relationship if you are in one and to answer a question that a lot of people seem to have why people stay in an abusive relationship.
First, I want to state my reason for this mytake. One of which being that October is National Domestic Violence Awarness month and the other being that the statistics on domestic abuse is shocking and just to give everyone an idea of what they look like here are a couple:
On average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States — more than 12 million women and men over the course of a year
1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the United States have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime
Those statistics shouldn't be that high but unfortunately they are and that's one of reasons why I'm writing this mytake. No one should have to go through abuse and for those who unfortunately are, I hope this mytake will help you leave safely. For those questioning and unsure about whether or not they are in an abusive relationship I hope this helps as well and if you are just curious about the signs or wondering why people stay in abusive relationships then hopefully it helps you too. Now without further ado, let's get started.
Signs that you are in a abusive relationship.
Humiliation
Humiliation as a form of abuse may start out with subtle jabs or insults in private and then become full blown yelling and embarrassment in public before you even realize it. It doesn’t take much for an abuser to get angry for the smallest of reason and convince you that you’re the guilty party. This type of humiliation is meant to make you submissive and to control you in front of others if they know that they’re public outbursts will make you subservient to their wants and needs
Verbal Insults
Verbal abuse can range from insulting your looks, your intelligence, or your worth and it doesn’t always include foul language. The main purpose of verbal abuse is to wear down your self esteem so that you’re compliant and reliant on your partner—and no one else.
Physical Violence
Physical abuse almost never starts with a busted lip. Abusers typically begin subtly with an intimidating stance, a hand raised, a grab at your arm, or a quick slap to get your attention. This almost always graduates to harsher physical slaps, chokes, grabs, or even punches if you let the previous abuse slide. Abusers know that it takes time to breaking their spouse or partner down so they think they deserve the abuse.
Controlling Behavior
The controlling abuser aims to alienate you from everyone else in your life other than them. That way, your friends or family won’t recognize the signs of abuse or come to your aid. Most abusers want you to be totally dependent on them and no one else. At first this may appear that your partner is just really invested in your life and your decisions, but it will slowly spiral into them being in total control.
Unpredictable Mood Swings
The mood swings of an abusive individual can be staggering. For instance, they can go from pleasant and romantic to total rage in a matter of seconds. This extremely unpredictable behavior is almost only aimed at a submissive partner who they know won’t challenge them.
Picking At Faults
Most abusers who use verbal abuse as their prime tool will treat you like a misbehaved child, yelling and disciplining you as they demean and point out your every fault.
Manipulation
Abusers are skilled at manipulation—so much so that they actually convince their partners that their physical or verbal outbursts are the result of misbehavior on your part. The aim is to make you doubt yourself and your self worth as a good person. That’s why most victims of abuse continue to excuse or forgive their partner’s cruel behavior.
How to leave safely.
Identify a safe place or friend(s)
Create a code to let them know if you need help without the abuser finding out and if possible agree to meet at a secret location.
Keep an alternate phone
Calling for help on your cellphone or home phone risks the chance of your partner seeing your calls. It doesn't have to be an expensive phone, as long as you can call and text.
Memorize phone numbers
If your partner takes your phone, at least you'll have memorized the numbers for family members or friends. Also memorize the number of your local shelter(s).
Call a hotline
You can call the National Domestic Violence hotline. They are there to help you and get you out safely. Even if you are too scared to leave, they can help you through it.
Why stay?
I've heard people ask that question countless of times and there was a point where I asked it to but the more I learned about why they stay the dumber I felt for even asking that question in the first place. All of these reasons now seem obvious, like I should have been able to think of them myself, at least to me anyways.
Fear
Being threatening or have loved ones threatened makes it much harder to leave.
Believing the abuse is normal or that it's deserved
If the victim doesn't know what a healthy relationship looks like, for example if they grew up in an abusive home, they won't be able to recognize that their own relationship isn't healthy. Also, many victims come to believe that the abuse is their fault, that they deserve it.
Pregnancy/children
The abuser might threaten the child(ren) if the victim leaves.
Lack of money
If the victim is financially dependant on the abuser it may seem impossible to leave the relationship.
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That's it for this mytake. I hope this helps anyone who needs it. Thank you for reading it and remember if you are in a relationship like this there are people who love you and who want to help you. You don't deserve it. No one does.
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