People who have never been abused often wonder why a person wouldn’t just leave an abusive relationship. But the reality is, leaving an abusive relationship is far harder than it seems.
Approximately 1 in 3 women, and 1 in 3 men in the United States will be in an abusive relationship in their lifetime, and just leaving the situation is not always an option.
So why is it that hard leaving a relationship where you are not valued and not appreciated?
Trauma Bonding
Traumatic bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change. The bond is stronger for people who have grown up in abusive households because it seems to them to be a normal part of relationships. Given that we are hard-wired from birth to turn to an attachment figure when threatened, we naturally turn to our romantic partners when abuse occurs, even if they are the ones who are being abusive to us. This leads to us feeling bonded to them. We also have the tendency to make sense of our experiences and justify the harmful actions of our partners, and this makes the bond even stronger.
People don't often realize that they're in an abusive relationship. So how do you know you're in a dangerous trauma bond? One of the signs is that you know that they're toxic and abusive but you can't seem to let go. You are well aware that you're being mistreated and you deserve more affection and love but whenever you try to leave, they they make false promises of change and better behavior and once again you start to doubt yourself and fall into this pit of false promises.
Another sign of a trauma bond is you feel addicted to them. This is a very dangerous addiction , one that could damage your emotional and physical health. Your body, mind and spirit aches for them; your whole world is starting to revolve around them. You're constantly explaining yourself to them, you're trying to get them to change, get them to show you affection or even get them to stop hurting you without realizing that they may never change.
They hurt you, again and again, yet you’re always ready and willing to take them back at the first sign of their remorse or a hint of their attention. You defend them to others, even when your loved ones try to give you a healthy reality check about who this really person is and the harm they’re causing you. But you're hesitant to believe them and listen to their advice. You’re committed to investing in the false image of this unhealthy person.
You don't feel confident anymore. You feel unworthy. You don't feel appreciated. You feel disrespected. Your standards have been lowered; your expectations have been shattered.
If you are in a trauma bond, you recognize it, you connect with reality and you break it. But how?
You have to be selfish. You have to only make decisions that support you. Decisions that will only benefit you and not any other person. Build healthy connections. Hang out with your loved ones that care about you; friends and family. Positive people.
Do not think about that toxic person. Live your life, dream a little. Write down your feelings. Go hiking. Meditate. Sing a song. Do yoga. Join a club. Go to the beach. Just Be Happy
Thanks for reading. Love to all <3
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