My Experience of an Abusive Relationship

Being not able to trust people ever is quite a painful experience.... not being able to let people in to know the real you or give them a chance to prove there trust because you just keep pushing them away... these are some reasons i can no longer trust even those who are close to me.. and that is because I was in a abusive relationship for nearly 2 years.

My Experience of an Abusive Relationship

So for nearly 2 years of my life i was abused by someone i thought loved me he was my first ever proper boyfriend... i met him through a friend.. at first he made me feel amazing he made out he would do anything for me and had never felt a connection like this with anyone before.. he showed me what it was like to have a best friend as well as a partner he was 23 i was only 17 at the time..

Ryan.. ruined my life.

I told him everything there was to know about me i shared all my secrets and stories of my life..

i had been self harming from the age of around 13-14 and at first he was support and helpful for me to stop.. i told him about being in multiple psychiatric hospitals and of my upbringing of having a life long illness (epilepsy) which affected my childhood greatly and of how i was badly bullied at school and beaten up on a weakly basis where even the teachers and my own partners did not help me... and of my childhood sexual abuse which made me wonder if there was any nice kind decent people out there.. i was and felt like a lost cause who had no one who would help me or care no one and i mean no one had helped me get through what i had been through.... he made me feel cared for and told me he'd never let anyone hurt me ever again.... i finally felt like i had found someone who cares about me and loves me.. loves the real me...

After i had told him this he explained a few things about his life.. which all seemed very similar to what i had said... and told me how he experienced bullying at school was abused by a family member etc.. and of course i just felt sorry for him as some of what he had gone through i could relate to and understand.. and knew it was horrible to have to go through.. a few people said to me while i introduced him to them that there was something not right about him something seemed wrong.. but of course i was madly in love and just shut anyone who had a bad word to say about my amazing boyfriend down.. he made me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth and was always telling me how wonderful i was and how could a girl like me be in love with a guy like him... i genuinely felt bad for him like no one had ever showed him love either and he was a gift from god to try help us..

My Experience of an Abusive Relationship

My Experience of an Abusive Relationship

One day i noticed there was a big big change in how he use to treat me .. he went from a boyfriend who would constantly put my feelings first.. be the perfect gentleman.. write me sweet little love notes..send me flowers.. always make sure i feel saved and loved.. and know that no one could possible hurt me again while he was around...

My Experience of an Abusive Relationship

to someone who almost was the total opposite to this person... he stopped me seeing family and friends telling me how none of them cared or liked me explained how they would laugh at me behind my back and about what a pathetic person i was.. at the time i felt like maybe he was right my opinion on myself was so low that it was easy to believe after how i'd be treated in the past it was nothing new... i was not allowed to look or talk to other men.. men were all evil disgusting perverts who would take advantage of me and that i need to keep away from he said.. the only other friend i had at the time was George who was the only person who had ever helped me and actually been a true friend to me up until Ryan.. but of course i told George i could no longer be friends with him anymore even though we had been friends (7 years) since i was 10 years old .. but whatever Ryan asked i would do because according to him he was the only person who truly cared about me... after i had been secluded from all my family and my one friend.. i just sort of came to the conclusion that from now on the only thing and person that mattered in my life would be my boyfriend because no one else could possibly love or care about me.. if we were out and i even looked at a guy or spoke to a guy in a way he did not like.. when we got home he would beat me... tell me what a worthless no good whore i was how no one would possibly love me and without him i'd be nothing i'm a dumb slut stupid slag.. and then i'd be hurting and in pain for weeks until it would heal then i'd get another beating again.. and if i didn't feel like having sex.. he just raped me no matter how much i cried or how much pain i was in he didn't care.. and all was back again to a reminder of my child hood and what had happened to me....

My Experience of an Abusive Relationship

one day he came home from work and told me he had a brain tumour and was going to die.. he said he'd had a scan and doctors said there was nothing they could do this was the first i had ever heard about it and obviously i was in total shock and for hours and hours just couldn't stop crying while ..considering he was going to be dead in a few months or so he seemed pretty laid back and seemingly happy.. i just thought maybe he was trying to be positive... so in those last few months of what i thought i had left with my boyfriend i of course carried on being the perfect girlfriend doing everything and anything he said.. would carry on being beaten and raped and put down and abused.. until he one day he said to me the doctors had found a cure and everything was going to be ok for him.. of course i was happy at first and completely relieved my boyfriend was okay ... for over a year or so i had had no one in my life but him.. so he was my life and it had been so long i felt like it was all i knew.... over the next few weeks i started thinking to myself something just doesn't feel right here do i want this life i am leading is this really what love is? i mean he was my first proper relationship and all i had to compare it to was silly 1-2 week relationships at school.. this was something real something that mean't something or at least i thought.. i confronted him which was very scary for me to do.. and his reaction was completely something i did not expect.. he laughed in my face and tell me how thick i was what a naive pathetic piece of crap i was to believe him and it was my own fault..

My Experience of an Abusive Relationship

that was when it hit me i'd be living with a monster for nearly 2 years he was a emotionless hurtful coward who had stolen the rest of my teenage years... i couldn't stop loving him but i knew i had to leave... he told me if i left he'd kill himself and it would make me a murderer and a disgusting selfish person and no one would love me like he said.. he started saying all the crap about how he really does care about me how we were mean't to be together.. soul mates etc.. and i just knew he didn't mean a word of it.. i did eventually report to police about my situation how i was raped and abused for almost 2 years and he got 6 years and could be let out early on good behavior ... he was let out over a year ago now and was told he was not allow to contact me ever again or he'll be back inside..

My Experience of an Abusive Relationship

so this is my story of pretty much dating a abusive sociopath.

this is just a my take to express what it was like being with one... it took me 3 years or so to stop loving the person who abused me and i hope no one else ends up in the situation i was in.. i now have a amazing boyfriend who seems to love me but i still am unable to trust anyone or open up and have since this regained contact with my friend and my family.

if anyone read this thank you for reading :D and i cut lots out to try and make it as short as i possibly could... please also note this is not for attention or to gain sympathy i want absolutely none.. this is my past.... and is what my takes are for :) also i mean't to put this in relationships not sexual behavior but i don't know or think i can change the category from the edit button.

My Experience of an Abusive Relationship
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous

    Hi there hunny, well im in awe of you, at 24 you have been through such influential circumstances and are on the other side with such insight. I am nearly twice your age and have experienced similar, the thread runs through in such similar ways. I am in a place at present where most things even said to me by a man, I find my brain goes into auto pilot like the emotional police on full alert, this could be back handed, a trick, am I being played.. will it be used against me at a later date... i realise this is a clear sign im in no way ready for anything new and im not looking, I am firm believer in not taking an ex partners issues onto the next, however, I think I have to accept that this is different to some degree, even when im ready to attempt trust again, I will have to explain myself to a degree. For me the most awful part is, loving someone and talking about your inner most hurts and torments and self hate even and they take it all in, then weaponise it at the most crucial moments. Its evil personified... xx

    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • RasmusAiken

    Oh wow. . . . . . just wow. I hurt for you. Be strong, girl.
    Perhaps your new guy and you should try some couples counseling mainly so that he gets more understanding. You both will become better people.

    Is this still revelant?

What Girls & Guys Said

  • harabi

    That's a lesson all girls gotta learn: DO NOT TRUST GUYS WHO OVERDO IT!!!
    They are not sincere. So beware: if he pays the bills, makes presents, brings flowers, too much cimpliments, ostentatiously holding doors, carrying luggage, etc. favors, especially when offered by him, do not accept such flattery. These are strong alerts of creepiness, move away.

  • Dim1213

    Thanks for sharing your story. Any advice on how to start trusting again. I have recently been betrayed by people who I thought were my freinds but were really not. I'm finding it hard to trust again.

    • I must admit i would find it hard to give advice on trusting others as its something i struggle with deeply.. i do hope you manage to.. and i'm sorry you got hurt.. but of course not everyone is out to get you some people are genuinely nice :)

    • Dim1213

      Actually with me it is the opposite. I'm the nice one and often people try to use me or stead me in the wrong direction.

  • singlebee

    Its a good thing that your got out of your abusive relationship but its sad how according to you your current boyfriend has to pay the price for what your ex did to you.. By you not trusting him.. he must be sensing that by your body language...

    • Yes you're right.. its hard to trust others once we've been deeply hurt though.. hopefully time will heal and if no one betrays me again then i guess maybe i'll learn to trust again :)

    • singlebee

      Good very good :-) all the best

  • FatherJack

    Brave of you to spill the beans... Ryan is an abusive & manipulative twat , and you did the right thing & dumped him. These types ( of BOTH genders... have had a violent ex girlfriend that bit a chunk from my shoulder !! ) ruin everything for the genuine & decent people... it is very hard to drop your guard , know this all too well !!

  • capturemyheartnow

    Sometimes all bad things seem to happen to one single person and you have had loads of unhappy moments and feelings. May God bless your future with true happiness and may your new boyfriend turn out to be a good one.

  • Streamhopper

    Jeez. I'm so sorry for what you went through. Trust me, we aren't all like that. I really do feel for what you had to go through. You got the wrong guy at the wrong time. You'll get the right one at some point, I promise. :)

  • DumbandDumbber

    I hope your life is better now and stays that way.

    Can I message you and ask something?

  • itsallanillusion

    Hello! Thank you so much for sharing your story! Honestly, I admire the fact that you were able to stand strong for so long! Don't let one hurt you! You will find a guy that will appreciate you the most! :)

  • Daiisyy

    Congratulations on realizing how important your are. And that you do NOT deserve this. It makes me glad you got justice in the end and absoloutly sad that a person could treat someone like that. I have been though a controlling relationship maybe not as severe as yours but definitly to much to handle, i dont like being isolated from the world. Just remember to work on yourself and other people actions or opinions to not define YOU. Just be the strong incredible women you are and next time you meet someone show him that :D

    • Thank you so much Daisy.. i'm really happy you got out of it :)

  • Browneye57

    Victimhood. I would have lasted about 3 minutes of that.
    Good that you finally bailed yourself out of it.

  • superdouch

    Wish he'd gone out for longer :/

    That must have been awful and from what I've read the damage can take many many years to heal from what I read online on forums trying to understand what was going on in my relationship. I hope you've managed to identify warning signs and that you won't let yourself date again until you're not in such a vulnerable place. Working with a therapist can help a lot.
    I've experienced a taste of what an abusive relationship is like, not like what you experienced and not with an actual psychopath.

    I honestly still have trouble believing people like that could exist. That they'd get pleasure from torturing someone who loves and cares for them, and not derive happiness from making them happy and smile. Its unfathomable to me. Just crazy. But apparently they do exist :(

    I hope you never meet one again.

  • Listening5

    Good take, Im speechless, have seen you posting for a while and never knew you had gone through this. Sociopath is what came to mind as I read it, specially when he said he would kill himself and also laughed at you for believing him. A very sick individual.
    Hope the best for you and glad to see you dont consider yourself a victim, as you answered my question. You been through a lot, surely made you more mature and aware of what people are like, seems you have also grown from this. Glad I have you as one of the people I follow on here.

  • I know that trick too well from my readings and friend's experiences. Being all sweet in the beginning to becoming into a selfish and cruel person. There is a saying that goes if a someone is too charming early on, extra caution is to be taken. Those people use your vulnerabilities against you. People who do that are narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths. Fortunately only a small percent are out there in society. Don't give out your trust to anyone unless they earned it. The first betrayal, they're cut off from your life. Once they're gone, feel happy that you avoided more grievances later on. I've been betrayed my friends constantly before and I realize that i'm grateful for that because I don't need toxic people in my life. I believe you can grow stronger and no matter how much you love a person, if they do something as horrendous as hitting you, cut them out.

  • RicanEyes

    WoW!! I couldn't stop reading this mytake sometimes I wonder how someone can stay in a relationship like this. But I think it goes back to thinking maybe the guy will change and you staying with some kinda hope inside. I couldn't be in a relationship like this at all my dad use to beat my mom and always wondered why my mom went back to him? I think a man that hits a women is a coward. I am glad you left him eventually and he went to jail for making you suffer so much. Thank you for sharing and hope you live a happy life with your new boyfriend.

  • abundantlyrich

    Well I hope you are in a better place now with out him.

  • Dog19

    It's hard to decide if you're ex was mentally ill or just pure evil... :/

  • John_Doesnt

    Give those abusive men another chance.

  • Anonymous

    Men like this are straight up fkd up.
    My ex was similar to this.. and end up cheating on me. by the way, how long in the relationship did Ryan change his behavior?

    • He changed in around a few months ish but nothing major until more like 8months in..

  • Anonymous

    I understand how horrible that is. I've read stories like these before... But there is one thing I don't understand. Why do girls stay in these relationships? The moment my boyfriend raised a finger to me, I'd be out.

    • Love... i had nothing to compare it to and my whole life people had done bad to me its hard to explain unless someone else has been through similar.

  • Anonymous

    I'm proud of you for leaving him. You WILL find someone who deserves your full trust. :) God bless.

  • Anonymous

    I was married for 22 years. And for the most of them my ex husband was abusive. He even raped me. I kept it secret for a long time. I am now divorced and in a good relationship. But I still dont talk about what I went through. I dont know if I ever will.

    • I'm very happy you got away, glad you found someone who treats you with respect.

    • Anonymous