Search Results: making me feel guilty

I am in a relationship with the love of my life. Until this weekend just gone. Earlier this year my best friend passed away. My boyfriend found it strange and could not understand how I was so upset over another man. He made my life a misery the night of the funeral making disgusting comments about my dead friend. Somehow I forgave him. I have severe social anxiety and this weekend decided to push myself and go out with him and his friends -it was painful but the more beer I drank, of course the easier it got. All in all it was an enjoyable night, until the taxi ride home. When my partner made a joke about my dead friend, as we passed the canal of which he had drowned in. Of course I went absolutely mental. As we returned home he beat me up, and was kicking me on the floor, then went & got his passport and flew to Spain, and left me in a heap, literally. Instead of my usual crying, begging him for the first time in a year, I went out with my friends and let me hair down, and I had the BEST time ever. During this bender I made new friends, and also bumped into a guy who's a friend of a friend. I felt drawn to him he was so funny, and I actually fancied him - which is the first time i've found another man attractive in the entire time me and the other half have been together. I put this down to being drunk. However the next few days I couldn't get him off of my mind. This weekend we met again. We ended up alone as others left. He offered to go back to his, I knew it felt wrong, but at the same time it felt so right. We walked back, we put some music on and were just having a laugh. This escalated, we ended up kissing, I mounted him, we drank more and danced, then ended up in his bedroom just in our underwear, we kissed nothing else, but I wanted more. And I still do, but I still love my other half but I just don't like him right now. I've actually arranged to meet this other guy one evening this week, wrong I know and I already feel guilty?