Search Results: feeling guilty emotions

My boyfriend and I have very different views on emotions. I am a very emotional person, I express what I feel all the time. He, on the other hand, is not comfortable expressing emotions, and I can tell he struggles because he bottles stuff up until he explodes and has to make space between us so he doesn't get aggressive. While I appreciate that he's trying not to hurt me, I wish he knew how to deal with things so it didn't get to that point.

Another issue is that he says he doesn't want to make me cry ever. This frustrates me for multiple reasons. First, he means this literally. I asked, "what if I cry from laughing too hard?" and he went all quiet and was like..."I don't want to make you cry". Which means he doesn't want me to feel that carefree, total joy of uncontrolled laughter? Second, I cry easily, and I now feel guilty telling him when I'm crying because I don't want him to feel bad or think that I'm guilt tripping him.

I also struggle with mental health issues, and he can sometimes be dismissive of those. He gets frustrated when i can't pinpoint an exact reason WHY i'm feeling down or anxious, and it bugs me because sometimes I just don't know

Is this incompatible? Or do I just have to talk to him a lot and try to help him understand my perspective? Or am I just wrong?

This idea isn’t to say one only acts out of motivation for self gain. But rather if one bestows an act of kindness upon another that person experiences a positive emotion. And even if the good deed is given resentfully l, such as to a family member who tests you time and again, the cost of dong the deed is far less than turning a back. Even when the family member tricks us again.

Buddhism aims to rise above the action reward but it is something I think few achieve. It is not a natural state and takes training and discipline.

When we help a stranger the brain produces chemicals that result in a positive mood.

You aren't helping others for that boost but that is the result.

Sometimes we are helping others out of empathy but we still get positive emotions as a result.

I’ve convinced friends who never give money to street people of the benefit. Not every panhandler is going to elicit empathy causing negative emotions if you ignore them. But if one does it is far easier for you to give them a dollar then spend the rest of the day feeling guilty. The dollar means more to them, what would you do with the dollar?

This is obviously more self serving. But holding a door open or lifting something heavy for someone struggling. Seems selfless but can it be since you feel better after having done so?