The Proper Way to Handle a Breakup


Introduction: My story

The Proper Way to Handle a Breakup

Recently, about a month ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of three months. I've been in a couple of break-ups before, but never like this. Instead of just being friends or leaving each other alone, this guy was constantly on me, texting me, approaching me, and, on some occasions, even coming to my place without warning.

This constant contact was making it hard for me to get over this boy, even though I was the one to initiate the break-up. It kept dying feelings barely alive and was causing my emotions to go everywhere. However, despite being the "victim", I wasn't the one going through the worst of it. He was. By constantly meeting and falling over his feet for me, it was clear he wasn't getting anywhere in getting over this break-up. He was convincing himself that this was a break, and that what we had wasn't over, when it was. I could tell he was depressed, angry, and especially jealous when I started talking to new guys. Aside from this, I was living just fine, while he was the one wallowing in sorrows and making things worse for himself; he was not allowing himself to get over his feelings and was sabotaging his reputation while at it. (Sometimes he still is!) And I'd like to point out that there are so many better things he could be doing, by giving out points to those on the opposite end of the stick.

The point: Some rules

The Proper Way to Handle a Breakup

1. When someone breaks up with you, it's more likely than not because the person is DONE. It isn't because they're just mad at you temporarily, just not feeling up to it at the moment, or trying to get you to chase them again. No, a break-up means, for at least the time being, that things are over. Get this in your head. Stop making excuses.

2. If you have wishes to get this person back, getting over them is, surprisingly, the way to do it. By constantly going out of your way for someone who is no longer interested, you're only making them annoyed with you and/or reassuring them that they are in control of you. Don't do this to yourself, or the person in question. Remove this person from your life as much as possible, and have fun. Be with your friends and family, maybe even flirt with other guys/girls! This gives the person space to think and possibly realize that they want you back, while also having you get over them. And if they don't, then there is no longer a problem. You are free.

3. DO NOT contact their friends and family. Telling the people close to the person in question to talk to them about your relationship is just not appropriate. If you're trying to look like you're fine without the person, this will kill your image, because you can rely on the fact that this person's friends and family will tell them everything.

4. The person who broke up with you, if they know you are upset about it, may try to soften the blow. This is something many people are guilty of, as being firm can be really difficult sometimes. If a person is being nice to you still (if you've done some questionable things), answers your feelings-y text messages with uncertainty, or is very indirect when talking with you, it's just a big a sign to leave them alone as if they were telling you to "fuck off". Most likely, they're not leading you on, but just trying not to hurt your feelings. Don't fall into this trap.

5. Until you're fully over this person, don't let them talk to you, either. Most times, people just want to be friends, and sometimes, that's fine! But if you can't look at them without reminiscing, then it's best to just take a step back. Don't just flat out ignore them, but rather, be pleasant but distant. Make polite excuses, change the subject, unfollow their social media, etc. This will all help.

6. Your ex may still come back to you for things, and if they do, push them away! Whether they want sex, favors, money... giving to them makes you vulnerable to more pain. This also proves that the person is toxic and is most definitely not worth your time. Respect yourself.

Conclusion: Turn away

The Proper Way to Handle a Breakup

The simplest summary of all this is to just go cold turkey on this person. Don't initiate, don't cry, and let yourself move on. It is so very important that you value yourself enough to leave these pained feelings behind.

Please feel free to comment your thoughts on this. I'd love to hear other points, disagreements, etc. This is all from personal experience, so I might have some emotion-based points. Thank you.

The Proper Way to Handle a Breakup
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Most Helpful Guy

  • ImSoSquishy
    i think if it's your first/puppy love then it's okay to try to cling on for a while and cry about it (regardless of gender) but eventually you still have to let it go and move on, i think it is a necessary step for everyone to take in order to mature and learn the real meaning of someone or something letting go, how special something and precious can be, and often times we take things for granted that we don't know how important a person or a thing can be to us until we lose it, and no matter how much we cry about it we can never get it back. usually when we understand this, we will treat the next person really good. also on the contrary, maybe it's a ego thing but are also many guys and some girls that don't learn, they are just too stuck up about it. they just don't understand how to let go, so they stray off a different path, turn to hatred and blame others. some will even stalk and send threats to any potential people that could be their ex bf/gf's new bf/gf.
    Is this still revelant?
    • melmel0

      I really like your point. I was actually his first girlfriend so I can understand that. I was the same way with my first boyfriend, while I didn't bother him at all I was heartbroken for a long time. People do tend to take things for granted very often.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Eva323
    Easier said than done. Emotion and reason are not dealt with in the same part of the brain. I think it just is what it is. You have to try and do the right thing for your situation but it doesn’t mean you won’t be pinning for awhile or fuming for awhile.
    Is this still revelant?
    • melmel0

      Yeah, you're very right here. Emotion tends to be a lot stronger than logic and it's very, very hard to get over people you love and care for. I think the difference is how the person deals with the situation. All one usually wants to do is cry at home or still talk to the person, which really just makes the pain worse. Doing what's hard in the form of actions is just a way to get started on doing what's hard emotionally.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Very nice Take! What would you do if you spent all your energy trying to get the person back? Then what? It would never be the same? It would be awkward. Your advice is simply the best way to go!

    The simplest summary of all this is to just go cold turkey on this person. Don't initiate, don't cry, and let yourself move on. It is so very important that you value yourself enough to leave these pained feelings behind.
    • melmel0

      Thank you! That's very true and I didn't really consider that. If one were to take back an ex trying so hard to get back, the relationship would probably become more one-sided and just be worse than the first. It is possible things would turn out better, but one should clear their mind before jumping back in...

  • dr1fter
    That was really helpful, thank you for sharing. After making quite a few of the mistakes you mentioned, I arrived at a similar conclusion. I also realized that regardless of how much I may care about her, I would be fairly annoyed if she would occasionally text me about feelings-y things. I'm now certain and reassured about completely cutting her off from my life. Thanks again! :)
    • melmel0

      Ah I'm so glad this spoke to you... I was trying so hard to not make this a rant and just something that people could really follow. Caring for people who don't care back is detrimental to happiness, and it really is smart that you let her go like that, even though it's probably hard. I hope the best for you! :)

  • Logorithim
    Very good advice. I would add spend time with friends and get distracted.
    • melmel0

      Thank you! That's really true.

  • bethshepherd
    There have been lots of times when a man was keen on me and eventually accepted that I was not at all interested - which means we are not compatible and he is not my type - but would they listen? No they would keep phoning , emailing or texting ignoring it. Then they use the excuse they are just ringing for a chat or just to see if I have any news (in other words if they have been replaced or not yet). So nosey. If I break up that is it, no more. No friendship, it is just an excuse to try to get back with me.
    • melmel0

      I agree with that. It might be an ego thing, too, since it's pretty hard to accept the fact that someone doesn't like you (for some people, at least). When people do stuff like that, I had to learn that in order to stop it you just have to ignore them. If only I realized sooner!

  • youngdumbandbroke
    that is acc very hard
    i dont think i will ever get over my boyfriend i dont wanna break up with him i think we are fairly serious
    • melmel0

      I'm painfully aware of how hard it is. I've had a terrible heartbreak before that lasted way longer than the relationship itself, so I completely understand that.
      Though, I don't think you have a problem if you are still together lol! I wish you all good things in your relationship :)

  • clampfan101
    Why must stress always increase with importance? 😕
  • JellyDonutguy96
    let it go, and let that person go their separate ways
  • Lightning8
    I really dislike when people claim they want a long term relationship but can't commit to the "people" they sleep with.
    • aside from from my possible misanthropy, I think the take itself was well done

  • lazermazer
    Only tine and space are the real healers.
  • David32
    i’ll walk away but not if they come back🤧🤧
  • LovelyFlower
    Just move on have that mindset
  • hsshannah96
  • Alexandrianaleigh
    I wish it worked like this
  • LeaLee
  • LegateLanius
    Thank you.
  • SpeshalK
  • ZeroOhFour
    I just punched her and I got over it.
    • melmel0

      I shouldn't have laughed at this

  • Anonymous
    have breakup sex, always have breakup sex before you break up, that's the best possible way to handle it lol
  • Anonymous
    So what time is your lunch and then you should know if I'm missing your point but not ready yet so we will see that royal 19.
  • Anonymous
    just by the pictures I can tell you are a cheating bitch lol
    just shut up lol you sound stupid
    • melmel0

      You must not be very smart then ahaha

  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous
    Don't think about it.