Introduction: My story
Recently, about a month ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of three months. I've been in a couple of break-ups before, but never like this. Instead of just being friends or leaving each other alone, this guy was constantly on me, texting me, approaching me, and, on some occasions, even coming to my place without warning.
This constant contact was making it hard for me to get over this boy, even though I was the one to initiate the break-up. It kept dying feelings barely alive and was causing my emotions to go everywhere. However, despite being the "victim", I wasn't the one going through the worst of it. He was. By constantly meeting and falling over his feet for me, it was clear he wasn't getting anywhere in getting over this break-up. He was convincing himself that this was a break, and that what we had wasn't over, when it was. I could tell he was depressed, angry, and especially jealous when I started talking to new guys. Aside from this, I was living just fine, while he was the one wallowing in sorrows and making things worse for himself; he was not allowing himself to get over his feelings and was sabotaging his reputation while at it. (Sometimes he still is!) And I'd like to point out that there are so many better things he could be doing, by giving out points to those on the opposite end of the stick.
The point: Some rules
1. When someone breaks up with you, it's more likely than not because the person is DONE. It isn't because they're just mad at you temporarily, just not feeling up to it at the moment, or trying to get you to chase them again. No, a break-up means, for at least the time being, that things are over. Get this in your head. Stop making excuses.
2. If you have wishes to get this person back, getting over them is, surprisingly, the way to do it. By constantly going out of your way for someone who is no longer interested, you're only making them annoyed with you and/or reassuring them that they are in control of you. Don't do this to yourself, or the person in question. Remove this person from your life as much as possible, and have fun. Be with your friends and family, maybe even flirt with other guys/girls! This gives the person space to think and possibly realize that they want you back, while also having you get over them. And if they don't, then there is no longer a problem. You are free.
3. DO NOT contact their friends and family. Telling the people close to the person in question to talk to them about your relationship is just not appropriate. If you're trying to look like you're fine without the person, this will kill your image, because you can rely on the fact that this person's friends and family will tell them everything.
4. The person who broke up with you, if they know you are upset about it, may try to soften the blow. This is something many people are guilty of, as being firm can be really difficult sometimes. If a person is being nice to you still (if you've done some questionable things), answers your feelings-y text messages with uncertainty, or is very indirect when talking with you, it's just a big a sign to leave them alone as if they were telling you to "fuck off". Most likely, they're not leading you on, but just trying not to hurt your feelings. Don't fall into this trap.
5. Until you're fully over this person, don't let them talk to you, either. Most times, people just want to be friends, and sometimes, that's fine! But if you can't look at them without reminiscing, then it's best to just take a step back. Don't just flat out ignore them, but rather, be pleasant but distant. Make polite excuses, change the subject, unfollow their social media, etc. This will all help.
6. Your ex may still come back to you for things, and if they do, push them away! Whether they want sex, favors, money... giving to them makes you vulnerable to more pain. This also proves that the person is toxic and is most definitely not worth your time. Respect yourself.
Conclusion: Turn away
The simplest summary of all this is to just go cold turkey on this person. Don't initiate, don't cry, and let yourself move on. It is so very important that you value yourself enough to leave these pained feelings behind.
Please feel free to comment your thoughts on this. I'd love to hear other points, disagreements, etc. This is all from personal experience, so I might have some emotion-based points. Thank you.