Search Results: love soul mates

Should emotional puzzle pieces align just right.. after all... easy feels good...

If so, it means you don't have to change...

... context...
I've had a friendzone that felt... so easy going, fun, no pain. I learned nothing... time went by... I don't recall changing as I wasn't challenged emotionally as I remained in my comfort zone... one conditioned from the wounds of life. Do you feel fine as you are? My "soul mate" as one described, was a match from hell. She enabled me to be suspended in my flawed state of being as time wasted away.

I've had two romantic relationships since wit lots of pain, the dangling friendzone was poison, but real issues resulted from my emotional flaws in intimate relationships.

My girlfriend today challenges me on moral, value, integrity. She saw foundation cracks early... testing my perceptions was hard, I denied when she tested... avoidance, perception. It hurt her greatly to struggle against "the waves" of my wounded subconscious. I changed, after hours or weeks of fighting.

Serious flaws in my deeper inner self were exposed like the archeologists uncover old relics. Wounds of long ago, stuff that felt "normal" in me, controlled me... limited me... guided me in the wrong directions. Fear... of intimacy, shame. Trusting the wrong people and mis trusting... traced to early life bonding issues with mother. Avoidant personality, passive aggressive... wounds from being sensitive and being hurt and inability to fight back. Just a few. The roots of all is deep emotional wounding in childhood. Point being...

I was warned about how relationships are... work. I didn't understand. Being challenged with love is good.. for your own and mutual growth! Does it end? Is life like a game of donkey kong... conquor one level to get to another, try not to fall down to the bottom... or jump when it's too hard.

Here's the pattern in life:

drawn to older women since I was young. Ran from young girls. If someone is needy and hurt, I get drawn in to help (as long as I feel safe), help them find a way out and get better, soothe. Rescue them. A white night!

I've been drawn into wounded and needy women so many times lost count and some long term. Some men too, but men are not as interesting and a tough case. I enjoy the psychological challenge of rescuing a soul. I do this while keeping healthier ones and people at a distance, emotionally. Fear of intimacy. did that for a long time, getting better.

I feel good being a servant to others, a helper, and often would sacrifice myself, time, priority for someone else. For example, I might skim on food, but I'd give someone money to buy a car who is totally broke. I'll buy used to save, but give freely to those who don't love me back.

What I've summized on how I got here is this:
* Possibly a lack of nurturing as a child - my mom I think was distant at times, although I recall her being very caring as well.
* I was emotionally abused as a child and sensitive. just not strong, so I built up a defense to not let people in. I did not like people and stayed emotionally distant from them. After I turned Christian, I had strong empathy for others and turned my wound into a desire to help others... in effect nurturing myself I think. After I started to understand myself and people, I turned that to want to help others get to a better place. It's a lot of what I think about.

Understanding oneself is hard, hard to get perspective. Have you had something like this and how did you get to a heathy life balance?

Ladies, how would you tolerate being with a mate that skimps on themselves (penny pinch clothes, food at times, used cars and stuff) but can be drawn into other people/women emotionally to help them and give freely and happily? Assume he doesn't cheat physically, but others can get priority of his heart and mind easily.