I am in love with a married man, and I dont know what to do?

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

I am a gamer and I met a man online, we haven't met in person as he lives in another state.
When i met him i was having a difficult time with a guy i was seeing and I started to confide in him (married guy) and go to him when i was upset. Once I ended things with this guy, my friendship with married guy continued to develop to the point where would would text all day while at work, we would call one another on our breaks or drives home and then spend most nights gaming together. At some point through out this we have sexted/had phone sex with each other 3 times, but we decided to stop because we felt guilty for taking it too far.
As of now we are in this weird state where we we want to be together but we are just friends until he leaves his wife. I dont know how long any of this is going to take, i dont know I should wait for him or just move on.
I have tried to forget about him but we just have this amazing connection, i have never felt anything like it before and neither has he. we genuinly believe we have found our soul mate in one another.
I never thought i would be the woman in an emotional affair with a married man, but here I am and I dont even feel guilty about it because having him in my life just feels right, he is meant to be there.

Friends tell me to move on, but I really just dont know what to do.

[amadimal]

Look. Emotionally, I get you. I understand what you're going through. You met a man you're attracted to; you two share similar interests; he was there when you had troubles in your past relationship; you also sexted multiple times, so the idea of being intimate with him excites you as well - it's normal to like him at this point.

HOWEVER, you are not a teenager. You are a grown woman. You can't change what how you feel about this guy, but it's time to think more pragmatically and change your actions BECAUSE:
1. you never met him - yes, you think he's your soulmate and you feel invested into this, but that's only because of uncertainty, and not because of actual love. You don't know what's gonna happen next ----> you think about him & your situation more -----> you put more energy into it -----> you feel more attracted. If you meet this guy in reality, you might realize that you can't stand him. For now, you can't know how much of a soulmate he is.
2. he is married AND lives in another state - usually, one of these issues should already be an obstacle big enough. Divorce is very common and he might actually want to divorce his wife, but just as well he might be dissatisfied with his current relationship and looking for some thrills (with you), taking advantage of the fact that you don't even live in the same city as he does. You can't know for certain he will leave or wants to leave his wife. He might never do it. Even if, let's say he leaves her, what are you two going to do about the distance?

Obviously, this guy has more things going on. The best thing you can do for yourself and this - let's call it ”potential” relationship, is to take a step back and distance yourself from this situation. If you two are meant to be, give him time to put his life into order and decide if he wants something with you or not. Meanwhile, focus on yourself and give yourself some space too, so you can analyze if you truly love this man or if you're simply emotionally invested and that's all.

[Screenwriter]

You're in love with a fantasy. First, the guy is married. Married men do this kind of thing ALL THE TIME and never leave their wives. He could be out and out lying to you and just be enjoying the ego strokes he's getting from this attention.
You know NOTHING about his life, marriage or personal situation except what he TELLS YOU. None of it could be true.

He is hiding behind the internet, the best smokescreen on earth.

And why on earth would you be interested in someone who is CHEATING ON HIS WIFE with another woman, YOU, to begin with? It is very easy to play these games with people online. I love you, my wife doesn't understand me, she's a bitch, I want a divorce. These are all the OLDEST LINES IN THE WORLD.

I'll give you a nice test: Tell him you're ready to start your new life with him RIGHT NOW. You're waiting for him to FILE THE DIVORCE PAPERS and FORWARD A COPY of them to you.

Give him a WEEK. If you don't hear from him, or he unloads a pile of horseshit about "it's going to take more time, etc., etc.", you're being had.

He's gaming with YOU, just like he does playing his other online games. But it's more FUN with a real person.

Don't fall for this timeworn bullshit. Your friends are right. Look for people close to home who you can spend time with in REALITY. You're wasting your time with this GHOST.

[Twalli]

Agree. Make it an ultimatum. If he's really interested he'll do it. I doubt he is though. At the same time, some guys are really interested. So making him decide now ends the game he may be playing which is currently harming only you

[Twinrova]

Aside from the decision to use coarse language, I agree with everything in the post xD

[Screenwriter]

@Twinrova bitch horseshit and bullshit!!!
You got a sensitive sensibility!

[Twinrova]

You will never be happy with this man. You know that while he was married, he cheated on his wife with someone he met on a video game. If you enter into a relationship with him you can never have security, because you will know that his character is untrustworthy, and there will always be a lingering fear in the back of your mind that just as he cheated on his previous wife, he could also cheat on you.

What you are doing is incredibly immoral, by the way. Imagine the hurt this woman will experience when/if she ever finds out about how her husband, who she thought loved her, sacrificed their entire relationship for an individual he hasn't known for anywhere near as long, or in terms as intimate as she has. That sounds like a horrific, emotionally crushing experience, and she will only ever have to endure it because of the actions you and her husband have decided to take.

I think that at this point, you have an obligation to stop talking to this man, both for yourself and for his wife. You should stop interacting with him because he is a bad person, and if you pursue a relationship with him it will only hurt you in the end. You should tell her about her husband's cheating behaviours, because she is married to someone who doesn't love her sufficiently - which his actions certainly indicate - and she should be made aware so that she can decide whether he is worth staying with. Her husband will never give her this information, only you have the ability to make things right.

Please make the right choice. God bless you.

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

I agree with most of what you said, I know what the right thing to do is but it clashes with what I want to do and how I truly feel.

In terms of telling her, I am not going to do that. He is trying to leave her and she is making it difficult for him because she doesn’t want him to leave. I’m not going to make it worse for him.

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it.

[Twinrova]

No problem.

[the007datingcoach]

Attraction for those we cannot have is like the forbidden fruit. We always want people we cannot have. I reference this back into the 90's period when girls were drooling over the likes of Justin Timberlake & Nick Carter from NSYNC & Backstreet Boys.

At the end of the day it is your call. What you have got to think about is... Is this the kind of person you want & how would you feel if the boot was on the other sock and he was doing it to you?

Ultimately you do one of two things. Either you leave him be and open up to the worlds of possibilities for a new guy to come along or you let him make the first moves. However most people who say "they hate their wives or husbands" is oldest trick in the book and they never do anything about it.

Closing now with the choice is yours. But I would think very carefully which decision you choose 😊👍🏻

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

He doesn't claim to hate her, there are just some major diffrences between them and how they want their marriage to go, things that can not be compromised on without one person being extremelly unhappy.

[the007datingcoach]

How much of that though is by both of them telling you that? It sounds like it is all coming from him & he wants to get two at once.

Personally if I was you I would walk away, find someone who is single and someone rightly deserves you rather than go out with someone who could do the same to you in the future if you get together. Just saving you from potential heart break & thinking of a potential happy ending that will be worth it. :)

[Coulis]

First of all, you KNOW what to do you just don't want to.

Leave. His. Ass. ALOOOONNNE. 99% just want side action. Or they have genuine but feelings their sense or duty/fear of change beats "following their heart (penis)" or whatever.

A real one will halt everything, go no-contact and say I'll hit you up when I'm divorced.

Often he will be stressed from getting used to the new woman and all her BS and will miss the familiar annoying stuff he left because he knew how to deal with that.

Love yourself and be done with this mess. You need to look into yourself and what you need to resolve within you that you have fallen into this situation. Him as well because say you do end up together. Fine. You will still possess the same character flaws that led you to one another.

[nachosaresexy]

Your comments/advice on this site are legit! Thanks for being one of the cool ones 🤘

Pretty random but I have a situation I'm curious to get your opinion about. If you don't mind can I message you to try to explain?

[Coulis]

@nachosaresexy Hey thanks! I pm'd u

[Aurora1010]

You don't know what to do? You stop talking to him, delete him and move on. It's simple.
If he will cheat on her then he can cheat on you, and he may.
Actually in the case that you end up breaking them up then you have no right to demand exclusivity.
It may sound hard but as you said you feel no guilt or sympathy for his wife then why would I feel sympathy for you?

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

I am not breaking them up, their marriage has been failing for years. He would have left her either way.

[Twalli]

Maybe give an ultimatum. He starts with his wife or goes with you. If he chooses to stay, it's over. You can't talk again. I understand that this is drastic, but if he's not associated with your life anymore then you'll be able to move on more easily. If, however, he still wants to be part of your life thrm he'll leave his wife. Tell him that you don't want to make it an ultimatum, but you need to move on with your life and he needs to decide now if he's going to be part if it.

[Iron_Man]

Stay completely away you're going to wreck somebody's marriage and you will be committing adultery and that's very bad don't even think about it

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

Sorry, I should have added that their marriage was failing for quite some time and he is leaving her regardless of if I am there waiting for him or not. He says that meeting me is what encouraged him to leave her now, but either way it was going to happen because they have been unhappy for years.

[beldath]

To be honest, you can't choose who you fall in love with. Since I was in your shoes once, I understand, but it fucked me up bad. Open communication is key. Its not an ideal situation, and I'd suggest running from it. But if you don't see any red flags besides him breaking his marital vows, then maybe wait.

[Ifriqyan]

1. Shame on you for not knowing your limits and pursuing a married man. You should have stopped talking to him the moment you felt attraction towards him. Instead you made the choice to entertain it and become a homewecker. You have no honor.

2. He won't leave his wife you're just his side hoe.

3. But his poor wife should leave him.

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

I am not a home wrecker, his marriage has been failing for a long time and was ending before I even met him.

[Ifriqyan]

They all say this. He could easily be lying. Otherwise he'd be at the very least already separated.
He's worse than you in this situation (he's the biggest ass hole) but you're not in a good position either.

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

He told me about it well before feelings were involved, he has told his other friends too.. people who attended his wedding as well. He isn’t lying about it, I know that for sure. Sometimes it’s not easy for people to just leave, she isn’t very good to him and she is trying to fck him up financially so it’s taking time for him to get out of there. Again, these are all things that he told the group of friends before he and I even got close. He isn’t a bad man, just a very lonely guy stuck in a very bad situation.

[Twalli]

He told you he told his friends. You don't know that he did.

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

We have the same friends... we don’t all just game together, we are a group of friends who are there for one another and support one another through hard time. He told us all months and months ago, when I knew him but didn’t really speak to him that much.

[pleasestopthis]

"we are just friends until he leaves his wife" Well, good luck with that, if you're waiting for this to happen. Most married men who cheat say their marriage is struggling and they'll end things with their wife, but it never happens.
You already know what you should do, but don't want to, so please don't come here to look for validation to go after this married man.

[slatyb]

This will likely lead nowhere, and you don’t want to be the reason his marriage breaks up. You don’t even know this guy. What if he does divorce, and then you find that you don’t want to be with him?

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

He is very unhappy with his marriage, they can not work through the problems they have and both be happy. He will be leaving here regardless of me and if I wait for him.

[Tunasub]

I'm not your friend and I encourage you to leave that situation alone. He may have helped you through some things and yes you developed feelings. Here is what you haven't said. Has his marriage/wife been talked about? Do you think he will leave his wife?

[Anonymous]

Blah blah blah
Ah "the sad story of a dumb home wrecker 😔"
So sad. Like a match made in hell

See girls this is why you shouldn't date gamer girls and gamer guys cause they got no morals

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

I am not a home wrecker, his marriage was failing and he was leaving her regardless.

I get it, I used to be really judgmental about these things too, but I guess I see a different side to it now.

Also as I said he and I are just friends, having feelings doesn’t make me a homewrecker and neither does waiting for him to be single.

[Opinion Owner]

Blah blah
Go on go on. Try to defend both of yours immoral behaviour. Very funny to hear about something that's gonna be just one of your fantasies cause he ain't levaing his wife. Maybe he might give you a baby as a compensation tho

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

I’m not defending anything, I have clearly said that we know what we did was wrong and we are just friends now.

I can’t help the fact that I have feelings and neither can he, but we really are just friends.

I also can’t help the fact that they have been in an unhappy marriage for years.

[Poppykate]

You move on! He is married!. ‘IF’ he was going to leave his wife, he would have done that already. Time to call it a day!

[spartan55]

"until he leaves his wife"... 😂 😂 😂 Yeah... that ain't happenin.

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

It’s happening, it was gonna happen even before he and I were friends and I’m not the only person he has told about it either. All our friends are aware of it as well.

[spartan55]

Sure, I'll be playing left wing for the Pittsburgh Penguins next season too.

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

People get divorced all the time, not sure why it’s so difficult for you to believe... but even though you don’t, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s been in the Works for a while now.

[spartan55]

Of course I know people get divorced. I also know countless married men swear they are leaving their wife and never do. Go ahead, wait around. Then get together with him so he can cheat on you too. So stupid... you don't even know the guy.

[nachosaresexy]

Your friends are right. There's zero chance it ends well if you don't walk away.

[Miristheiss]

Do the right thing

Do the right thing

He is married... cut ALL contact and don't interact again. Your feelings will starve

[Browneye57]

Listen to your friends, for they are WAY smarter than you. FAIL

[Needtovent]

Yeah he won’t leave his wife. You’re just being used. Stop this now and find someone who is unattached.

[AmeerX]

You know you should accept polyamoury. If you love him truly then he doesn't have to leave his wife. His love is for both of you

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

Yeah that’s not what is going on here.

He is unhappy with his with and with his marriage, he had been wanting to leave her for a long time.

[AmeerX]

Don't make him leave his wife. It will make him hate you sooner or later

[AmeerX]

Be his confidente

[PinkieTheGardenGnome]

I am not making him do anything, what he does is his decision. Like I said, he is unhappy and has been wanting to leave her for a while

[AmeerX]

I understand but be supportive to him and don't think about leaving him.
If you love him then know that love is hard

[Wise4myage]

Listen to your friends and cut off all contact with this guy. You’re heading down a dead end road.

[chris_987]

I long for the days where just point out bad behaviour and move on

[JoyGirl]

Ummm... it is time to leave, hun.

[Sam_The_Savage]

You're second woman basically.