A married man loves me, how to not break his heart?

[Anonymous]

So this guy, have told me that he loves me and wants to marry me someday, I was 23 years old then, I thought he was just joking! and he is only flirting so I didn’t think much of it, and went on dating another guy, eventually me and this guy married, we were all working in the same place so we even invited him to our wedding.

this guy married someone before my wedding and they came to our wedding too… six years later I got divorced with my husband, and now the first guy always contacting me, sends me messages and even always flirts, he says I am his only true love and he only got married with his now wife because he saw that he has no chance with me, he said he came to my wedding just to torture his heart and forget about me.

he says he wants a divorce, and his relationship with his wife is wrecked, each one of them have a separate life and they dont interfere, I have asked this guy not to tell me that he loves me, and that he has a wife and a daughter and should work to solve his problems with her, but he says there is no hope.

So my question is that: I am attracted to him, I always was and know by responding to his messages I may give him hope, I may even fall in love with him, so what should I do?

I know he is now in a very bad mental situation, the same situation I was in before my divorce, how can I help him to be happy without destroying his marriage? I dont want to be a home wrecker, even though I know his home is already wrecked! I want to help him to be happy again.

[PrettyPriya]

The fact that he is in a marriage and flirting and contacting you isn't a sign to you at all of what type of person he is? I don't care if his home life is currently rubbish and they have separate lives. They should divorce then. Both of them are at fault for that. He needs to just get it over with and move on.

Only then would I allow contact from this guy. You need to just tell him that until they are legally separated or divorced, you don't feel comfortable with the contact you have with him. It is that simple.

The thing that concerns me is his willingness to want another relationship when still married. As I said, he could just file for divorce and get that over with. He may portray a terrible home life to you, but do YOU really know what it is like?

It could be a big lie and fabrication to get you to feel bad for him and want to be with him. Know way of telling other than his word, which I would trust at all considering he wants to spend time with another woman while still married.

[Asker]

The thing is, I was in the same situation as him, I mean I was mentally broken with my bad relationship with my husband, and was always thinking about hurting myself because I wasn’t seeing the light at the end of tunnel, I am afraid he is now in the same situation!! should I try to help him, or just let him solve his problems by himself and stay away?

[PrettyPriya]

Yes, I understand what you are saying but are you 100% sure his life is that bad and he isn't making it up in hopes that this sad story will get you to have a relationship with him? People have done far worse to cheat on a spouse. Just saying.

As for what you should do? If it were me, I would stay away. If he truly has those problems, he needs to deal with them. He is an adult and needs to act like it. If the issues in his marriage are that bad, he needs to divorce. Unless you are a divorce lawyer, I wouldn't get involved at all. Those are things he needs to take care of and you cannot help with.

I would have figured if the relationship is really that awful, he would have done that by now. That is why I am a bit skeptical and wonder if he is making this out to be something it really isn't to get into your life since you are now divorced. Get what I am saying?

[Asker]

In his defense, we are living in Iraq
So divorce is really really hard, families don’t expect that there children get divorce, mine was different

[PrettyPriya]

What is their view on cheating there? Better yet, what is your view on cheating?

[Asker]

I will never cheat, or expect someone to cheat on his partner with me.

But that is it, families here don’t care about a cheating man, because of Islamic religion which allows men to have up to four wives.

[PrettyPriya]

Okay, there isn't much more I can say. You keep trying to justify reasons to go for it. You seem to have made up your mind. The one person on your question that said anything other than don't do it, you thanked. That says everything.

[Asker]

Actually you asked questions and I answered honestly, this is not a reason for you to judge me, i was asking for help and answer not judging. Thank you for taking time to answer me, and please do understand I said all these things so you can have an idea about my society and culture.

[Anonymous]

hoe mentality

you already know what to do, why is this even a question

[Asker]

I honestly don’t know, I want to help him be happy.
I dont care if he is not mine, I just want to help him,

[Opinion Owner]

dont help him

[Guy13]

Sounds like you are already immersed in this relationship. I hope that it all goes well for you two in your new lives.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[KatherineJ]

He is married! He is of limits! The end.

[Wise4myage]

Run, as fast as you can.