How do I fully heal from my heart bring broken like this?

[Anonymous]

I was scrolling on Facebook and I came across a viral video with 25 thousand likes. The video was about a man who had married this woman with 4 kids who had been through so much with abusive exes and the comments were flooded with positivity. The comments said things like "I'm so happy you finally found a good man." The man was my ex boyfriend who had ghosted me to be with this woman. He had found love but he was the reason I stopped believing in love. He led me on. He didn't apologize for 2 years later. I cried almost every night for nearly the whole 2 years. I remained celibate for 4 years because my heart was so broken. He was my first love, I had given him my virginity, I loved him for real. I was always there for him, I tried so hard to love him and I just never understood why. I remember looking through his phone and seeing different girls and being yelled at for snooping instead of receiving an apology. I remember crying in my dad's arms- a rarity for me because I was always the strongest in my family and my dad was a drunk- but he couldn't stand to see me hurt so badly because he had never seen me love anybody the way I loved him. And I believe that he genuinely did love this other girl which I have no hatred towards her anymore. I used to but I realized it wasn't her fault. But I went through life after he broke my heart with a piece of myself feeling like it would never be the same. I watched numerous men claim to love me throughout the years all while I kept my heart shielded hoping it wouldn't get broken again. I went to therapy because of this. My therapist listened to the whole story with the ears of an unbiased professional and told me that I was a good person and that I didn't do anything to deserve it so I quit therapy because it hurt to face the reality that I didn't deserve it. I'm not unattractive. I actually won 3 beauty contests in my life. So to see five years later that he was always capable of loving someone right hurt.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Well, so therapy obviously didn't work out too well for you. Probably should have sought out another therapist somewhere in that "crying every night for 2 years" phase.

Not to be insensitive, but sometimes life just doesn't work out how we want it to. You lost "the one"... well... so have 85% of the people here, that's not reason to shut down. If it was society would come grinding to a halt.

Some people marry their first love, spend 50 years together, watch a spouse actually die, and don't go celibate for 4 years to punish themselves because life didn't work out the way they wanted it to. Again, not to be harsh, but it almost never does. I've put so many people in the ground who were important and watched far more walk away. That's how it goes. It sucks. Sure. Absolutely agree. Sucks a ton, but it doesn't suck less because you decide to withdraw from society and permanently set up residence in a pity party. He's still just as gone. Still just as much NOT in love with you, and as you see in the facebook thing, still goes quite on with his life and has tons of happiness, so there's no reason you shouldn't be either.

He's not going to one day see the candle you've held on for him all these years and have the coldness of his heart melted and come running back into your arms. The first couple/few months? Sure, maybe, or at least it is a statistical non-zero possibility. Beyond that it just looks pathetic and is all the more reason he's not coming back.

You need to move on. If you can't do that by yourself then get help doing it, but you need to move on. You deserve that.

[BadApple69]

First off I’m sorry this happened to you.


Now a slap in the face of reality.
No one deserves to be hurt but it would be impossible to locate ANYONE that hasn’t been hurt before.
To me what is worse then what he had done to you is what you are doing to yourself.
He showed you love, he showed you a good time then he left and broke your heart. That’s a shame, but that’s also life. I too as you suffered a broken heart once… it was so bad but what I did was learn from it. I didn’t let it control me!
He is gone from your life and not coming back… you need to put him in the back of your mind and get out there and start enjoying life again. This time you are a little wiser and you won’t love as fast. That’s what happens when you get hurt. You learn and you move on.

[caitycat21]

I’m gonna be brutally honest, I suggest you should continue therapy. Work on loving yourself instead of trying to find others to love you, find something your passionate about.


Stop wasting your life over a dusty man, you have to love yourself and have a good relationship with yourself first before you ever step foot in a relationship otherwise you’ll settle for dusty people because your low self esteem will have you undervaluing yourself and have you loving people who treat you like garbage

[Altheavas]

This right there, why I can never love someone more than I love myself. You lost yourself in him, you pour your love into him, you begged him to love you, and you even put your life on pose for him.

You should have not have to beg anyone to love you. You deserve it beautiful humans. You’re taking too much onto yourself, it’s not your fault. Please take care of yourself.

[Altheavas]

Paused**

[virtue2332]

Look you have to understand that this has nothing to do with you. It doesn't mean he never cared for you it just meant you weren't the one. That's ok because that's just one more down and one more step closer to finding the one. When it's right it just works. Not to say that everything is perfect but when it's right its easier to get through the hurdles a relationship can throw at you. There is nothing wrong with giving a 100 percent just communicate you should not let a previous relationship interfere with a current one. Never play games or act any other way than you feel if they can't appreciate it that's on them.

[DextroShade]

You are looking at it the wrong way: he didn't magically become a better person for this baby momma he is just her latest abusive boyfriend. Social mefua distorts things because people on there only post stuff they want other people to see which is why everyone on there appears happier than you. There is a lesson to be learned here: choose better men, even if those men aren't the type to immediately excite you. She obviously hasn't learned that lesson and will probably end up alone after he leaves her, possibly with yet another kid. There are plenty of guys who would treat you very well, problem is they are invisible to you because they aren't Chad.

[HighValue]

Well, I don't know how helpful this will be, but he will likely have a bad life and suffer. I think he is very stupid for marrying someone that already had 4 kids from her past. Just check his social media in 5 to 8 years and I am sure you can have a good laugh at his decisions.

[exitseven]

Sorry this happened to you A lot of people get hurt in relationships. I have been hurt myself. It does take time to get over it. Sometimes it may comeback and you wonder if you will ever stop being so sad
You just need to keep going. Use your strength to keep yourself upright. Find other interests or make a new friend. Treat yourself to something nice, you deserve it

[Staximus]

You said "I remember looking through his phone and seeing different girls and being yelled at for snooping instead of receiving an apology". You shouldn't have wanted an apology, you should have just left him. You were in love with a shit bag, plain and simple. Now forget about that shit bag and go find a good man. Let him fuck off into the sunset.

[boggboss]

Ofc he was capable of loving someone else he didn't put his life on pause lime how u did u think u need to continue therapy as you thoughts seem all over the place just u mentioning your looks shows u have no clue why this happened

[Asker]

I didn't put my life on pause the entire time I actually did start back dating and meeting new people that I actually liked. I didn't clarify that I had started to move on after the 2 years. A total of 4 years I stayed celibate but I had started dating. I meant that I shut my heart out to people during those two years. I mentioned my looks because people might say it was probably because your unattractive if you did everything else right but I'm not unattractive in my opinion. And I only brought this whole situation up because I was scrolling on Facebook 5 years later and came across this video not because I was waiting around pining over him. It did hurt and I didn't fully heal because I didn't understand why It happened that part is true. But I wasn't putting my life on hold this entire time

[boggboss]

You closed your heart of to other people so u didn't move on u allowed the damage to hold u where u was which I get but that is the truth anyone that states the looks as the reason is stupid

[HaleyCatgirl]

Okay then... I'm starting to see why he ghosted you you probably dropped all this on him.

[Anonymous]

How long were you and him together? Did you ever actually have an in person conversation about the status of your relationship and if he saw a future with you?

[balyai]

Leave a comment on that video and tell the exact same story there.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t be bothered to punctuate a sentence I can’t be bothered to read your story.

[lightbulb27]

…Saveing for later

[lightbulb27]

You gave your heart to someone and trusted and they did not reciprocate. As we date/marry/divorice/remarry... we learn about ourselves and others to a deep level. What we are learning is in general... personality and early life training especially emotional training. e. g. what is love, who am I, how do I feel about myself. All we learn then becomes what we believe and we thus live within that when we seek and find mates. Some of that... is not true, flawed, wounds, trauma, and problematic. You can start learning about this by exploring the sub conscious mind, understanding why you were attracted, maybe trying to figure out what went wrong.

people at that age generally aren't aware of their sub conscious... they just resonate to another and the love flows. In this case, was not reciprocated. He ran to another woman.

my guess: That woman I suspect was... needy, and very strong willed and obviously knew how to catch a guy emotionally. He "loved" that... saving her, feeling valued. He was either blind sided by her or ran to her and sucked in. It's not clear why... his personality was probably "savior/caregiver" and easily controlled. You had suspiciouns but weren't able to stop it. Clearly... there was a problem... he was cheating... not loving you.

[lightbulb27]

...
The answer is to learn the valuable lessons about yourself, who you are, how you work, your wounds, so that you can accept, heal, grow... to have confidence next time... for life is just starting. you will do better next time... when you understand. If you remain in "I don't know"... you stay in fear. There is no love in fear (the Bible), so will be difficult to accept another.

Good people can be... and often will be... trampled on. It's a risk. This is not a good world, but a corrupted one... emotionally.
It's not about deserve... it's about skills and awareness. Anyone can get into a car accident, but a skilled person will better avoid them and be more lucky... ya know? You... are the chooser! That is very important. You didn't know what you didn't know at the time.

I learned a lot about how attraction works, the sub conscious mind is making these decisions. That... is where you find the answers to unravel the mystery... and heal.

[Anonymous]

I think seeing a therapist would be a good idea.

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆