Why does my ex still believe he was the victim in are break up?

[Anonymous]

I dated this guy for 3/4 years on and off. We met when we were both 18 and he was my first love. Everything was amazing to begin with, it was just me and him and he was so kind and we were so close. I knew deep down it was to good to be ture.

He kept me a secret because we worked together and always treated me like shit in front of his friends. This ended in me having a eating disorder and abit of a drug habit. The thing is I know how bad it was but it was my cry for attention for him and a cry for help.

He cheated on me multiple times and got his friends to pass over messages to me but he didn't love me anymore and that I wasn't slutty enough for him.

He used to invite me out then ignore me the whole night and ditch me to shag some other girl. It broke my heart but all I wanted at the time was him.

I thought if I was skinny he'd like me more and if I made myself sick again with drugs he'd look after me again and love e again.

I remember one time he caught me making myself sick and he got mad at me and tried to stop me i screamed at him "stop acting like you care".

Then his dad died and he says I wasn't there for him, I'm sorry I according to what he told his friends during this time was but we were never a thing and I made it up in my head and that I was crazy. Also I wasn't there for him because I was in rehabilitation and getting myself better.

I learnt so much when I was away from him and started to love myself again. My whole family hates him. They were the real people I could count on and who really loved me.

I ghosted him for years after that and now I'm 25 and getting married to a amazing man next year. I couldn't be more happier and healthier.

Then he sends a message to my partners business saying he doesn't know the real me and to get out of the relationship basically. My partner knows everything and still loves me. I don't understand why my ex just can't let me be happy. He trued to bring me down once before.

Updates

4 mo

I have confronted him about this and he said he did love me back but I was too messed up for him, I was messed up because of him and his answer to me being messed up was to cheat on me not support me

Updates

4 mo

He's actually a single dad now which makes it worse his own mother doesn't talk to him anymore because he went off the rails when he found out I moved on.

I think people are right he's own life sucks so hard and I was the only good thing he had before that and he even messed that up and now he sees my life is way better than his he feels its unjustified or something

[wolfcat87]

Guys like that know they messed up and their lives are a wreck, so they cling to something they remember liking while refusing to admit they messed up. He wouldn't ever admit it out loud without something major happening. But, he's still hung up on you and the potential of having power over you or a place in your mind.

I have exes that royally messed up. They all came crawling back. I cut most of them off, but at some point they all stated that they knew they messed up but they couldn't fix it or face it.

One still messages me constantly years after I threw him out into a snow storm after he messed up royally. He messages because he's never found better, and he wants to feel better than he does right now without me. It took him years to acknowledge that he knew he messed up. Instead, every time we talked he would start accusing me of the dumbest things and trying to gaslight me into admitting the break up was my fault and not his. When I would stand my ground and point out that he was being abusive, he would claim that I just misunderstood him calling me a cheating whore... This was a constant thing the few months we dated as well, and I never actually wanted to date him and told him this for over a year before dating.

Finally, I told him I would not be communicating with him again unless he could openly admit he was at fault and never insult me again. And, he did admit it and stopped accusing me and calling me names. I still actively avoid answering his messages though. His life is still getting worse and worse.

[etsylo]

your ex was just a weird guy, he still is apparently. some people just don't change. i had something similar to this.

a toxic ex, lots of lying, cheating, manipulation, to the point he would blame me for his self harming. i also ended up developing an eating disorder due to such an unhealthy relationship. i have the guy of my dreams and i wouldn't change a thing or trade him for anything.

im really glad your man loves you and is there for you and listens to you. your ex really is just petty and literally has nothing else to do than to bother you. it's been years, he's an adult now too and yet he's clearly not acting like it. he was immature and such a bad person and he still is years later.

[lightbulb27]

Oh yea… guys can be untrained and stupid. It takes some serious work to get them to see their own flaws, understand their role and take responsibility. Classic case of the guy is a selfish narcissistic possibly… knucklehead.
The girl…she got her issues … but definitely a girl.
you'll be ok… learn from it

[molonski2]

You can never say its his fault that you are " messed up " you did all that to yourself , he didn't force you to take drugs , or not eat.

It doesn't matter why or how , he has gone and you are better off without him , its time to move on with your life , really bad karma holding onto this stuff.

[Paris13]

Maybe he is Guilt Ridden Some, hun. What a Bum. Mine, When I Broke it Off: "This was so Unnecessary."lol Happy now for You, dear. xxoo

[MissStrawberry912]

toxic men like that tend to not wanna feel guilty and take accountability for their wrongdoings… he seem petty, don’t wanna let you go and be happy while he’s unhappy… he sounds like a narcissistic tbh… but I’m glad you learn to love yourself again and found someone better who will love & protect you ☺️❤️ let bygones be bygones, wish you all the best!

[nameisariel]

girlll, he’s a manipulator, a cheater, a narcissist, a liar and…
he’s not even worth talking about.
make sure to take legal action if he continues to bother you and your man!

[mandiixx]

It's eating him up that you're happy, that's why.. he is an extremely toxic person and I am happy for you that you're free from that. As long as your partner knows the situation and how crazy this guy is, you will be fine and he can protect you.

Or maybe your ex is just unhappy with himself so he's trying to make you unhappy to feel better about himself. Just ignore him & laugh at how pathetic he is being.

[blueonblack22]

He sounds like a sociopath. Do not enable people like this. Only a hard lesson or two will set them straight.

[Cute_potato01]

He needed to blame u so he dont feel the pain n guilt

[RealMarek]

Sounds like he might be a narcissist. They don’t perceive things in a realistic way and have trouble taking accountability for their actions.

[DextroShade]

You should not be having any contact with your ex as it is disrespectful to your fiancé. Block him on everything!

[Asker]

You didn't read what I wrote properly did you

[HouseMoat]

I normally don't answer anon. questions, but, this is pretty simple

You don't know what you got, till it's gone

[peedy]

Who cares what he thinks how does that affect you let him think whatever he wants and don't pay attention to him

[ThrillSeeker01]

Some people have a hard time letting go. I would probably cut him off

[OddBeMe]

Both of you will always believe you’re the victim. Just move on.

[Peter_Penetrator]

Narcissistic personality.

[Carly2005]

To make himself look better probably.

[Pterodon]

Why do you care? He’s an ex

[jimmy2]

Ohh I understand now go on in life you need to go

[whistlingwh0res]

Typical tits suckers