My wife throws things when she is angry. Does she have anger issues or what?

[sheperd]

Sometimes we have terrible fights and if the fights are intense she mostly throws things. Sometimes she breaks plates in the kitchen after we argue. Does she have anger issues?

[Finchie40]

Yes she does , if she can’t control her actions , have her take anger management classes and tell her if she doesn’t? you no longer want to be with her and you will file for divorce , if she doesn’t get help for her anger. Unless you want to stay with a girl that is completely out of control that brings misery and stress into your life? that’s up to you? but before you say anything to her? , really ask yourself what you are doing to her , to make her act this way? If you know for a fact , that you aren’t really doing anything wrong for her to act this way? then I suggest you tell her to get help , if not , it’s just going to get worse. Between you both. Most arguments occur in relationships because you both don’t see eye to eye on things , We can easily point fingers at our partner , before pointing fingers at ourselves first , so make sure you really aren’t the reason she is getting pissed off , before accusing her of being out of line , because honestly you might be the reason without realizing you are. Every single one of us has selfishness inside of ourselves , if you can’t remove that selfishness for your partner? They won’t be able to remove it for you, understand it’s ok to be wrong , no one is always right , if someone thinks they are always right and never wrong? That is a selfish person that only really cares about themselves. Remember you are no longer single , your wife is your partner , if you truly love her you will include her in every decision you make , if you don’t include her your marriage will turn to shit. Your wife should be your top priority over everyone else in this world , if she is not your top priority? than your marriage will not make it period , you will be just wasting your time stringing her along for your own selfish benefit. She will just be a convenience to you , which will eventually make you a convenience to her. If you want to save your marriage and you want to have a happy relationship with your wife , remove selfishness and make her your top priority and admit when you are wrong before pointing fingers at her first. If your wife is being selfish? Have a sit down talk with her without yelling or arguing with her , and express your feelings of concern to her on a polite calm level

[msc545]

It's really disgusting to see men blaming other men for women's bad behavior. I promise you if it were a woman complaining that the man was breaking things there would be a whole course of women telling her to call the cops and make sure that he went to jail. But you on the other hand hearing another man tell you that his wife is breaking his property or their property as it were comes up what are you doing wrong to deserve this? That is just horrible. Shame on you.

[Finchie40]

Not blaming him at all , I was just asking him why this is happening? I highly doubt she is just running around throwing shit and breaking shit for the hell of it. So I was just asking him questions of what’s causing this to occur

[Mr_twoface]

@Finchie40 @msc545 It takes two to tango in any given relationship so neither do I see it being a wrong thing to ask him why he believes this is happening! For a relationship fight to get to the extreme where one breaks plates etc happens because both are equally responsible for uttering expressions, raising voices or becoming physical. Rarely one is calm as a feather and the other is verbally bashing out. Shame on me too then.

[msc545]

I bet he probably doesn't know why she does this. She may very well not know either.

[msc545]

@Mr_twoface You are making unfounded assumptions and the effect of this is to blame him for her behavior that he is a victim of. More victimization is not helpful at all.

[Finchie40]

Yes if there is no real reason behind it , than I suggest her ass go get some help with anger management classes or some shit , Nobody wants to be around someone that is constantly angry about things period , if she can’t control her frustrations than sadly she needs some serious help. If I was her husband I would tell her straight out of you don’t get this shit under control I am out of here and file for a divorce , Life is too short to be with someone that brings constant misery into your life. A marriage is supposed to be mostly happy and positive not angry and negative.

[msc545]

You are not wrong about this. This is very unlikely to be resolved without professional help.

[Mr_twoface]

@msc545 How am I making assumptions and are blaming him? I'm just stating the fact that he said "we" have terrible and intense fights. One can only assume that he also has a part in it whether it being verbally loud, yelling or more. Never did he utter any word that he is calm in this whole thing. I totally agree that one should not make assumptions of victimizing individuals but again he didn't say he was innocent in all of this.

[msc545]

He didn't say he was innocent but focusing on his behavior as you did simply serves to minimize and normalize her behavior which is not apparently not minimal and not normal.

[Amy10223]

To Finchie40- I think you gave an excellent answer. You answered objectively and without being partial to your own gender, with the possibility that the questioner could be the cause of his wife's anger. While she still needs to get help for her anger issues, he needs to keep in check what exactly is triggering her. Good for you in being that way. More people should be as open minded.

[msc545]

If he knew what was triggering her, he would not need to be asking a bunch of strangers on the internet about it. The fact that he is doing so tells us that he is undoubtedly wondered about this and undoubtedly asked her about it and has still has absolutely no idea what is causing the behavior. She either does not know what is causing the behavior or simply refuses to tell him. Either way, I don't think the problem is his. I think it's hers. There is good reason to believe that unless he tells us differently.

[kuroikoi]

It’s more than anger issues. It is like that mixed with a lot of weird power tripping/narcissism stuff. My ex was extremely abusive physically and emotionally lol she did that stuff all the time and you end up staying because after the fight (which is like emotionally exhausting and traumatizing) she will be super sweet or bare minimum just nice but it feels like a gift from god and you’re just thankful you survived. If you plan on showing her this thread because obviously she isn’t listening to you/ ironically will start breaking plates if you say anything close to her being “angry”. Just know that if she sees this it will be 10x worse.

Here’s a neat trick you can try, find a movie where there is a woman in it who is portrayed to be in the wrong for doing something similar to what your wife is doing like throwing plates. Watch it together when she is in a good mood, bonus points if you just went out of your way to really get on her good side lol and then use that next time you have a fight as context. SHE MIGHT EVEN APOLOGIZE AND RECOGNIZE IT IN THE MOVIE. That’s a long shot though. I don't know why this works lol its something about you both seeing a visual reference to the behavior she exhibits and her witnessing the immediate consequences for that characters actions through the movie/how other characters perceive her…

I could have gone too far into my own experience on this one but I will say you are not crazy bro, cause she’s obviously making you feel that way/ gaslighting you if you’re asking a question like this with an obvious answer. 9/10 times a relationship like this doesn’t get better. I had to actually escape mine. Next time you guys fight like that, if all else, please try to consider your feelings at the end, during or whatever. You’re definitely only considering heirs right now, and if you can pull that off, “how does this fight make me feel?” That’s the first domino to fall in what will lead you to a path where you’re happy.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Yes, she does. She needs therapy, but unfortunately you telling her that will likely just set her off. If you want a solution, you'll need to be willing to give an ultimatum and separate. Imagine her with an infant that won't stop crying, or a child who makes her mad. I would add one thing, though: Hormones do weird things, and while she clearly lacks anger management skills, that could be a contributing factor. A hormone panel might show a severe imbalance that is easily corrected with medication. As an example, one time my estrogen was so low it couldn't be measured. When I took a bio-identical hormone compounded specifically for me, within one week I felt normal for the first time in months. Just a thought, and I wish you the best.

[Amy10223]

Yes, but we all experience anger. It's how you cope with the anger that matters. Throwing thing isn't acceptable. She has to learn some methods that she can do in order to express anger without violence. Sometimes counting from 1 10 slowly and breathing deeply helps. There are other methods. I get angry when the people upstairs are noisy or walk like elephants. I hate feeling that way--it eats at you. So. I invested in a small white noise machine that blocks their noises when they are too much. Or I crank up classical music.

[Amy10223]

I just read your question more carefully. There is hope for therapy to help deal with anger matters, for you both or one person alone. You can even talk to therapists who do Zoom online.

[At3mis24]

No method works when I’m angry, well, I’m angry! Better not to stay on my way because I can become very violent and against that I can not do anything is anchored in me, I hate people so I can not be patient with them at all, for me they are enemies!

[Amy10223]

@At3mis24 If you are happy that way, then the best you can do is avoid people. If you don't like yourself for how you are as a person, or don't like feeling that way, get help.

[V_Injector]

Effing A dude. I would've done buried her body and told the officials that she took off with some Chad Thunder Cock and called me names. If you haven't noticed... I've gotten away with a murder or two.

[AviatorTom]

My SO sometimes gets very angry and hits things; a short while later, she acts like nothing happened.

Best thing I've learned to do is live with it.

[msc545]

You aren't helping her in the least by continuing to tolerate this.

[OlderAndWiser]

You seem to have a somewhat tentative grasp of the obvious.

[CalmUntilAbused]

Sounds pretty normal for a woman in the West to me. Does she also defecate in Your bed? If not, she's actually tame.

Back to serious... It's not "anger issues", she's just spoiled rotten. She's basically like: "I can do basically anything to you and get away with it. I mean... Nobody is going to believe you because you're a man." Run. Children or not, run. It's not worth it. If You have children, I would normally advise You to take them with You to save them from her, but it might be considered a kidnapping in the West, so just run for it and don't look back.

[Chazmatazz269]

Definitely. She needs help. Try to enlist the help of others who have experienced it for themselves and have a bit of an intervention. Help her find the help she needs. All the while, keep in mind that you can’t fix her. If she doesn’t take the reins and do the work, you’ll probably have to leave. People who are violent with people they love always escalate. Eventually you will be in serious danger. If you value your life and livelihood, you’ll have to come to terms with giving up everything you own and starting over.

[7Phoenix7]

That's a sign of anger issues, yes. Throwing things is what a kid would do. As an adult we're supposed to be much better at expressing our emotions and cooling off. A serious talk is needed and definitely some change, because that's not okay... and things could easily escalate one day to more than just throwing things and breaking plates.

[slatyb]

She definitely has anger issues. Do you have children? This is traumatic for children. If she won't agree that she needs professional help, then you have to leave. If you have children, keep a log of these incidents, and try to get full custody in the divorce.

[Fireguy17]

yeppers.
Has she always done this, or has it gotten worse as time goes on?
I dated someone that would just go ape shit when she was pissed off.
After she started hitting me I was gone.
Her son saw her doing that, not what you wanted someone that young to see, so I left.

[dreamstar72]

Ban glassware and go with paper plates and cups. Then invite your in-laws over for supper, when ask why paper. Say ask your daughter because she has extreme anger issues and also paper is safer. I love your daughter and I don’t want to be the bad one by calling the police and getting her arrested.

[JustinTheGreat]

Definitely anger issues. She should seek out some therapy or something.
It’s not normal for a grown adult to throw a tantrum when they’re angry… and honestly the next step is her taking it out on you by throwing something at you or even hitting you.

[At3mis24]

Psychiatrists and psychotherapists fools are ALL impostors, charlatans and nothing works! At least on me!

[JustinTheGreat]

@At3mis24 I mean that’s your experience. Therapy has helped many people. Also a lot of people think that you’re gonna walking into a few therapy sessions and all your problems are gonna be solved. It’s also perfectly normal for therapy to make you feel worse over better at first. Because they’re opening your eyes about yourself or others around you. And that news is not always gonna be pleasant

[itsclearlynicholas]

Thats definitely not a woman I want as a date, a friend, a colleague or as anything to do with me lol 😆😆😆😆 - I've seen or heard of enough of those types of people, men, women, X gendered - I don't want to gel or be near such folks who are as you describe, angry 😡😡💢

[itsclearlynicholas]

Lol I never want anything to do with such people - steer clear lol 🚧🏗️ says me lol to me lol 🚧🚧🏗️

[EndlessVoid20]

Not good, red flag, my ex husband destroyed stuff when he didn't get his way and I personally do not put up with that! You don't destroy someone's house! It's not only morally wrong but also inconsiderate and immature. Dime a dozen is my advice, find a nice girl who isn't destructive and has respect for you. I got rid of my ex and my life has been a million times better (:

[lmkimcurious]

Yeah I don’t know the whole story but I know usually dysfunction attracts dysfunction. Not accusing you but I am suggesting therapy for her and maybe both of you. It’s so great for when people actually want to solve a problem/grow. The gym also is a great way to destress.
But, yes, that’s a terrible response.

[SereneScribe3]

Exactly. Everyone, who answered the question, assumes it's the woman's fault 100%, but how do we know that the man isn't controlling, authoritarian or emotionally abusive and not pushes her to her limits?
Not justifying her behavior or saying this is acceptable, but usually people don't act this way out of nowhere

[At3mis24]

Therapy doesn't work for everybody!

[lmkimcurious]

@At3mis24 therapy doesn’t work for those that don’t want to change. If you really want to change you’ll make it happen

[At3mis24]

Alas I am psychorigid, even hypnosis is ineffective on me

[lmkimcurious]

I suggest reading the book Psychocybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. First edition. If nothing else you’ll find it interesting! Very informative though

[DrPepper12]

Yes. She has anger issues. For ANY disagreement ASK her: Do you want me to listen or do you want me to solve. It stops her cold and makes her THINK about what she wants your role to be. If still heated come up with TWO RIDICULOUS SOUNDING safe words: One that means I need to disengage right now and another that says let's finish our discussion if you're ready.

[Anonymous]

when Dustin Hoffman pushed the wine glass off the table at JG Melon in Kramer vs. Kramer, the only person he told was the cameraman to make sure it was in the shot. It scared Meryl Streep to death but she kept on going with the scene. She refused to work with Dustin Hoffman ever again

[msc545]

The behavior that you are describing is consistent with the behavior I've seen in women who have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. She should get some professional help and a professional evaluation of her condition. Borderline personality disorder is extremely serious and very difficult to treat.

[molonski2]

That's not remotely acceptable , and she needs to see a professional urgently and address her anger issues , but firstly she must understand point 1 - Never , ever acceptable , she has some very serious issues to address.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Definitely. She should seriously get some help to work on those anger issues, that's fucking dangerous, and frightening to be around.
And honestly, I would also say it's abusive toward you, the partner.

[Kreneman]

It's sounds like she does have a serious issue. I recommend Marriage Counsel for you both and Anger management class for her because that is not normal. It can get worse if you guys don't get help asap.

[exitseven]

She has self control issues. She needs to able to resolve a conflict without resorting to violence. It does not solve anything. Also maybe you should hide the breakables/ . Stock up on things like Nerf footballs.