How can I break up with my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

We were kinda quick with the relationship. Didn’t give the chance to know each other that much before going out. It’s been 3 months now and I kinda lost my feelings towards him. I realized that I didn’t really like him but liked the idea of having a boyfriend. We have nothing in common. My friend says that you don’t have to have something in common but really we don’t have much to talk about and lately our relationship has become all about making out. I kinda feel like he’s not that interested in me as well and doesn’t want to spend time with me that much. We are in the same college and in the same friend group. So if we break up it can be a problem but I really am not happy with this relationship. How should I break up with him? What should I say?

Updates

11 mo

The reason he wouldn’t want to break up even though he might feel the same way is because he is not that “wanted” and even believes that me liking him was a miracle and that if we break up he will be single forever cuz nobody would want him

Updates

11 mo

This is the first relationship both of us got into

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are some suggestions for breaking up respectfully:

- Do it in person rather than over text. It's kinder face-to-face even if awkward. Make sure you'll have privacy to talk openly.

- Be direct but kind. Say something like "I care about you, but I don't think we're truly compatible long-term. My feelings have changed to just being friends."

- Don't drag it out or place blame. Keep it brief without getting into too much personal criticism. "This isn't working for me anymore" is sufficient.

- Let him know it's no one's fault, you just want different things. Reassure he did nothing wrong. Breakups are usually mutual in the end even if one initiates it.

- Offer to remain friendly as much as feels authentic. You want a clean break though, so friendly but mostly no contact likely for a while.

- If he seems really upset, give some space before trying to stay friends. Make it clean with no loose ends or mixed signals.

- Remember you both deserve to be happy and find the right person. Best of luck to you both moving forward. Please be gentle with yourself too - breakups are hard even when needed. You've got this!

The main things are being direct, staying calm/empathetic and ending it respectfully with no lingering hopes or doubts on either side. I hope this helps provide a thoughtful framework. You can do it!

[Asker]

Thank you so much

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome girl! Breakups are never easy, but just stay calm and confident. Reassure him it's nothing he did wrong, and that you appreciate the time you did have together. Hopefully he'll understand, even if he's sad at first.

And try not to stress too much about the shared friend situation - people break up all the time and still hang in the same groups. As long as you're both mature about it, it shouldn't stay weird for long.

Let me know how it goes! I'm always here if you need to vent or get advice after. You don't wanna drag something out just to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. You'll both feel better in the long run getting it over with. Stay strong, you've got this!

[summiter]

Just tell him that the connection is not there and that while you had fun with him it is time for you to move on. Were you two sexually involved? If so I know he will miss it how bout you?

[DishLady]

in my opinion short and sweet is best.


Don't drag it out. Don't do it by text (if you have an actual, in-person relationship and not some online alternative type of relationship). Don't get other people involved. Just sit down and be direct.


Have only one to three reasons for the breakup — even if you have a laundry list of reasons…


If you have only one main reason, state it clearly but don't drag things out.


Be kind. Remember… when you break up with someone think of how you'd want someone to break up with you. Don't be crazy, rude, etc. etc. etc.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

I know it will be hard but you need to tell him, maybe not now but tell him soon.

I was in your situation before, but then I eventually did it after a week of thinking and thinking.. 🥲 Broke up with him 'cause of work, so he did not feel so bad. After a year still tried to pursue me.

Just say your real feelings about it. Also, think if you still want to try it again with him in the future, or block him forever. Being friends with your soon-to-be-ex will be hard, 'cause he may try to pursue you again lol.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him what you feel. Tell him the stuff you wrote here.

[Asker]

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and want to stay friends with him do you think if i tell him these we can still remain friends

[slatyb]

Simple -- "I'm sorry, this isn't working for me. I wish you the best." Don't apologize, don't explain, break contact.