My boyfriend doesn’t have a job and expects me to pay for everything. What would you do in such a weird situation?

Question

Would you pay for him?

SallyTho87 · Accepted Answer

I dated a 38 year old man who did not have a job. He lived with his mum. She bought him food, did his laundry, supplied him with internet, paid his bills, etc. As he was having a hard time finding a job.
When we began dating, the only way we could pay for dates is if I paid. I paid for everything going forward, groceries, gas for his vehicle so he could take us to dinner date, I covered his dogs medication and gave him 200/month which he asked for, so he could use to buy his medicine.
Turns out he spent that 200 bucks on WEED. He would sleep ALL day, had no aspirations to do anything but lay in bed until 3 or 4pm, he'd refuse to eat unless I made him something. He wouldn't clean, didn't even let his dogs out as I'd come home to dog sh1t and pee everywhere because they were ignored.

I had numerous talks with him, numerous discussions. I provided him the chance to obtain employment by helping him find suitable work, so he could repay me (as he said he would) and could get an actual payment coming in. It got to the point HE assumed HE was entitled to tell me how to spend MY money - meaning he threw a fit because I decided to buy a new lipstick. Lol.

I broke up with him, informing he really needs to work on himself and he cannot continue relying on other people to give him what he feels he is somehow entitled to. He couldn't pay his rent, his mom moved to a cheaper apartment as paying for her son and food cost her too much money, so he used his friend (who has 3 kids) and is now living with a literal FAMILY, in a family house. Sleeping all day, playing video games all night until 3am.
I give people the benefit of the doubt, but I do NOT give people the opportunity to use me, and that is what he attempted to do. We dated for 6 months, and in that time he had no ambition to find employment, he wanted me to work all day 8 to 5pm, come home and cook him dinner, clean, and when I was exhausted and in bed at 9pm, he would be just hopping on his game for the night, screaming, shouting into his headset in the next room over, total disregard for me and the kids, as I'd visit and stay with him 3 days a week in the family home.

He is a user, and will always be. He blames everyone, society, his parents for his lack of training, skills, knowledge, lack of education, lack of opportunity, when it is HIMSELF who made the choices he did. He chose to ditch high school, chose to ignore college / Uni, and instead tried to become a hit band with his friends. At age 33, he realized it wasn't working and has not held any job, instead mooches off his family members with guilt tripping and sob stories.
He tried to apologize to me, and offered to talk. I was hesitant, and I provided him opportunity to say what he felt he had to say. He showed up at my place, in his car, invited me into sit and talk. He informed I'm too "dominant" of a woman for him, as a woman should be submissive, and kind hearted, and he didn't appreciate me holding him accountable for things that could have "easily been ignored and brushed under the rug" LOL
He then told me how much he missed me, and asked if I felt like splurging on ice cream so we could have a date. He then motioned to the freakin E sign of his gas tank, and told me we need to get gas, I have to pay bec the 3 min drive over wasted a 1/2 tank.

PLEASE don't get involved with someone who isn't self sufficient or stable enough on their own to support themselves. Some people will absolutely rely on you for everything, emotional, physical, financial support, etc. PLEASE consider your hard work, your finances, your expenses, and really be sure you want to help someone if they aren't willing to help themselves. I WOULD NOT.

Kelley1 · Accepted Answer

If you were 25, I would say dump him but at at 35 you choices are very limited; especially if he is good looking. Would you rather have a good looking guy that you support or a fat older guy that will support you?

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Not having a job is one thing. Expecting you to pay is another thing entirely. I've been in relationships where I was broke, jobless, didn't drive, and was using money from previous jobs that I'd make to last the year. I never let any of them pay for me even if they offered. If they offered to pick me up to chill, I walked it to meet them instead (even when it was a 4 hour walk). If we did go out to eat, either I would pay or we'd pay our own bills.

While I do believe in Dutch dating before marriage, I also don't believe a man should ever let a woman that he's involved with romantically to pay for him in any way. Masculine men are protectors and providers. Things have changed a little bit due to equality and feminism. Women get paid the same and there are more women graduating from college and universities than men (because women mature at a much earlier age than men for the most part). So women should have some financial ability and responsibility nowadays, but ultimately a man should still not have to rely on a woman.

In my opinion your boyfriend is neither considerate, nor a real man. I wouldn't be surprised if he's into you dominating him in bed too. Sorry if that's uncalled for, but I'm just stating my opinion based on the little info you gave.

Raaj4you · Accepted Answer

Don't run away from this relationship. If he is a great with career goals and if he is trying hard or smart to get a job or study further or upskill or start a business, then you should definitely support him. If he doesn't have any career goals then you should leave him. Ask yourself, Can you create a good family life with him? Do you see a good future with him? Is he addicted to drugs or alcohol or gambling? Is he a womanizer? Does he has any criminal record? Don't expect perfection from any guy. You will never find a perfect guy. You have to make some adjustments, compromises and sacrifices.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating through the love jungle, sometimes we stumble upon some unexpected wild vines, don't we? If I found myself swinging into a scenario where my partner expected me to foot all the bills without making any effort to contribute, I'd definitely take a moment to pause the adventure. Communication is the compass in relationships. I'd suggest having an open and honest conversation about financial expectations and responsibilities. It's important to support each other, but it's equally important to encourage independence and shared effort. Would I pay for everything indefinitely? Only if I was trying to win a gold medal in financial gymnastics! Remember, a relationship is a partnership, not a sponsorship. Time to have that heart-to-heart chat and find a balance that works for both of you. 🌹

blunty · Answer

Navigating financial expectations in a relationship can be tricky, especially if there’s an imbalance in contributions. Here are some steps you might consider:

Communicate Clearly: The most important step is to have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and expectations. Discussing finances can be uncomfortable, but it's crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. Explain how you feel about the current arrangement and listen to his perspective as well.

Set Boundaries: Determine what you are and are not willing to pay for. This helps you and your partner prevent resentment from building over time.

Create a Budget Together: If you're committed to the relationship and see a future together, working on a budget can help both of you manage your finances better.

Encourage Independence: While supporting each other is part of a relationship, it’s also important for both partners to maintain some level of financial independence. Encourage him to find a job or explore other ways to contribute financially.

Seek Professional Advice: If the conversation about finances is particularly difficult or if it's leading to repeated conflicts, it might be helpful to speak with a relationship counselor or a financial advisor.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

I’m a man. That’s not weird for us. It’s the norm. Everyone, men and women alike, expect men to pay. I only begrudged that fact when it was clear that the woman had no intention of returning the gesture in any manner.
If you feel like he’s earning his keep in some other fashion, pay his way. If he seems to be mooching, ditch him. Unless you’re attached to him already. Then set some clear and firm boundaries. If he violates them, THEN dump him.

Kaneki05 · Answer

He shouldn't expect any of that and be very grateful if you are willing to help him out.

I don't have a job and very low income but I very rarely asked for money from anyone and those who do I offer to pay them back and when they say no it's all good. I thank them a lot. And would never take such kindness for granted.
And if they want the money back I pay them when I can always. And if they so no to giving me money I don't attack them for that, I say fair enough.

BadApple69 · Answer

As a guy I pay all the time. Sorry feminists (not really sorry). To me it would be embarrassing for the woman to pay. Most REAL men would feel this way. I think you need to find a real man. If he is handicapped I would give him a pass, if not then he just isn’t trying hard enough.

Knightwatch27 · Answer

Maybe choose your partners with more care? If you take the time to fully get to know someone and see what red or green flags there are you don't end up with someone mooching off of you. And no obviously you don't pay for him, you're 35 years old you should know that on your own.

Purpleronnie · Answer

That’s not a weird situation that’s just a weird boyfriend. Any man worth anything at all would never “Expect” that. Get him told that you’re not a charity , or give him some chores to earn some money like the little boy he is deserves !

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Depends, is he a younger guy, is he using you thinking you should pay for him? If so get rid of him. If you are the same age and he lost his job or something help him until he gets back on his feet.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Time to find a boyfriend who is not a moocher.

lmkimcurious · Answer

Oh hell no!! That sounds like a child, not a boyfriend. That’s literally so lame. And even children work for an allowance… straighten that boy out! I can’t stand entitlement.

Siri137 · Answer

No, that's completely unacceptable! Give him an ultimatum. He either finds a job, and soon, or you dump him.

bobalife · Answer

Well I wouldn’t even date him in the first place lol. But I mean if it’s like he lost a job and working on getting a new job is fine. I prefer ambitious and smart individuals for potentials.

molonski2 · Answer

No , I wouldn't pay for him , if I'm in your boat I'm getting rid of him , and quickly , he is a needy , Nancy boy , who is abusing the situation.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Whose fault is it he doesn't have a job?  If I didn't have a job and the only thing I could find was cleaning toilets, I'd do that if the alternative was to let someone pay for me!

MrExperienced · Answer

Hell no, have higher standards for yourself and date someone who is not a loser and has a future. Everyone is hiring and there is no excuse.

Zbrody1997 · Answer

I’d kick his ass out. Unless you’re okay with it and have that good of a job, everyone’s dynamic is different

spartan55 · Answer

How is it a 'weird situation'? It's called your boyfriend is an unemployed loser. Why would he pay a dime when you will? Lose the loser.

laurlaur101 · Answer

No I feel like both people should be able to pay for things equally I don’t want the guy to not have a job

DishLady · Answer

Beware of deadbeats. They get used to this pattern and just take it for granted that you’ll just continue to be their cash cow.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Does he add any value? He should carey his weight and more at times. At that age he should be making and saving ot working on plans

Billlewis · Answer

Oh, no, that's a non starter. Contact a day labor company in your area and make an appointment for him to go and sign up.

JacobJordan · Answer

Is he looking? If not you and him have to decide how and if such a dynamic would work. Generally it doesn't though

laly520 · Answer

I am only interested in men so I doubt imma date a boy who is like that

jamesgoldman · Answer

Leave If it was just you outearn him that's different, both my girlfriends outearned me but I still paid my way wherever possible

Unit1 · Answer

Yikes. Quite the reversal of gold digging right there. I'd stop being in a relationship with your boyfriend immediately.

Fireguy17 · Answer

move on and find an adult that is capable of paying his and your way.

sheikalana · Answer

Is not your responsibility to pay for him. He has to find a job.

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely not. Unless he lost his job while we were married or lived together and he was actively looking for a new job.

shortster · Answer

Until you are married the most you should pay for is date activities. And that should typically be for the dates in which you do the inviting.

Anonymous · Answer

Unless he truly seeks getting a job and takes responsibility, leave him.

lorenzomichael · Answer

Tell him to get a job. And until does he gets no ass

VV3ZZY123 · Answer

Is he trying? It should only take a month or two. If it's any longer than that, I'd dump him.

Rinalos · Answer

I had an ex boyfriend like this  That’s why he my ex now haha

Tony232323 · Answer

Definitely leave him. If he’s not even going to try to begin with that’s a loss cause

Joshgag2000 · Answer

If I was you I would tell him to get a job or else walk away

MsProsperity · Answer

Another sign that men can be gold diggers

MemeSupreme · Answer

why isn't he making the big benjamins

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

Lol I wouldn't have even 😅👀 dated

jahaims · Answer

Way more context would be needed

Wise4myage · Answer

He's a moocher, time to get rid of him.

onedarkcloud · Answer

Get rid of the leach

WhitneySnow · Answer

No way

serious_miss419 · Answer

But you chose him.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Leave him.

mickeysmonkey · Answer

Break up

Anonymous · Answer

Pay for him

My boyfriend doesn’t have a job and expects me to pay for everything. What would you do in such a weird situation?

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My boyfriend doesn’t have a job and expects me to pay for everything. What would you do in such a weird situation?

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