How to tell if your boyfriend truly loves you or he is just in it for the title?

My boyfriend is extremely difficult. I love him but man! When i try to talk to him ab things he will ignore me, or tell me doesn't wanna talk about he is tired of it. He ignores me a lot. When I come over to hang out with him, he is always doing whatever he wants like fixing his hair, playing on his phone, watching the game and i just sit around going hey baby what you wanna do today? babe? he loves to just sleep and do whatever at home. I like that and all but my one day off i want to go to the park or do something have a date for once. Our one year is like 3 weeks away. I am so excited. I ask him all the time what do u wanna do for it? He says I don't know but you know my sistuation. He just bought a car that is more expensive then my parents like a $60,000 car so now he can't afford to take me anywhere. He buys crap for the car or his stuff all the time but if I ask to go on a date he is like i am broke. i dont even need a money date. we can go on a free date to the park or etc. I told him that but he seems to not care at all. Last night i criend on our Skype date bc i just feel totally defeated. I know he loves me but wheres the loving? I mean we hang out, we get it on but where the romance, the grabbing me and saying hey "i love you so much Sarah" or etc. Where the i have a surprise for our one year were going to the resturaunt we met at etc. Last night i tried to talk to him about money and he flipped a lid said its not my place. but if we supposedly both wanna get married to each other why can't i be a part of your life in every way? why am i limited? i let him in on everything? I am stuck, what do u do when u love someone who acts so dull with your relationship?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ok, I was going to pass up this post, but after reading what people are telling you (some of it isn't too bad) I had to respond and tell you what's up. This isn't about titles, astrology, or whether or not he loves you. This is about priority. His priorities. And it's quite clear they take president over you and your needs. I'm highly suspecting that he didn't act like this during the first few months of your relationship, few guys do. But as all people, we get comfortable and set in our ways about things. And nothing makes us feel so comfortable than knowing that what we have is secure. It's a good feeling knowing that what we build will never be destroyed. I'm a big batman fan and a quote I remember is when Batman is fighting Bane. Bane says, "Peace has cost you your strength! Victory has defeated you!" This is so true in your situation, but mostly with him. He thinks he's won and has nothing to worry about. He can't lose you cause you'll do everything that he says, right? The truth is, this is a toxic relationship. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but he definitely is acting like a poor boyfriend. And it is taking it's toll on you. I feel that you want to save the relationship, as most people I know would simply break up with them. Sadly, I know your story too well, because it use to be my story. I use to act very similar to one of my ex girlfriends, while we were dating. I was lazy and so certain that no matter what I did, she would just accept whatever I wanted. I got a wake up call when she told me that if I didn't start acting like her boyfriend, rather than just a... lots of language, then she'd find a guy who would. This being my first relationship, I was very retarded and eventually she did break up with me because I refused to treat her the way she deserved. I wouldn't say I'm a bad guy, but we had a bad relationship, and it was completely my fault. Thankfully, I've improved since then and know what it's like to treat your girlfriend like complete neglected garbage. Sorry. But you need to change this, and whatever you do, it has to be complete and it has to be extreme, or he won't get the point. He's secure, so shake him up. Tell him you're going to start going out with your friends on your days off for a while until he starts to take you out. You were very clear about free dates, he's just making excuses. You deserve better but you don't need to dump him. So make sure you get the respect you deserve.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I felt like reading my life on your words. Do you believe in astrology? I didn't until I met the love of my life who was exactly like your guy. My guy ignores me most of the time. I am not the needy type or always wanting attention but girl! I felt like I was desperate when I was in a relationship with him since I almost always initiate contact. Because of the fact that we only talk once a month, I felt like I became needy towards him. I didn't barge him with messages or misscalls and just actually check on him if he is still alive in 1 to 2 weeks interval if I didn't get a response from him. He would let me know he is just busy (after another 1 week!). The fact that he was my boyfriend made me want his attention. I want to feel like I was his girlfriend. Eventually, I had to give up. It was like this for two years and I became so stressed out always feeling like I am just one of his properties where he only call or message me at his convenience.

    He also buys expensive stuff and spend a lot of money on material things. I cited astrology because your guy sounds like my guy who was Taurus. He is happy when he buy a new expensive toy (gadget, consoles, car, etc). We are in a long distance relationship which made it even more challenging. My guy shows affection through touching and seeing. We rarely talk serious stuff. But we did when we started dating. He told me directly what his routines are, what he likes in a woman, what he prefers to do daily and in the future. Money first.

    The way he treated me made me feel like the only purpose in life that I had was to be his accessory, his toy, his property.

    It was very challenging to move on because I fell in love with that jerk before I realized I deserved better. I broke up with him because I don't feel happy anymore and he never improved his treatment even when I told him how I feel. He didn't want to break up. He is still asking to be with me again since I broke up with him. That was 6 months ago.

    If I were you, try to ask yourself what do you want. How would you like to be treated? Are you still happy with what he is doing? If you already told him how you feel and he does not show an effort to make you feel happy- LET GO. Let go now and don't look back. He will just hurt you more as your expectations are not met. The more these guys ignore you, the more you fall for them. So RUN.

    If he is Taurus, it's mostly their personality. And if you cannot put up with that, LET GO because you cannot change him.

    • Thank you! he is a capricorn and I am an aries. I dont know what that exactly means. But i can totally relate to you. He just makes me feel so worthless, i have never begged for a guy to see me! I dont beg but i do spend hours getting ready, researching how to be better at this how to get his attention, whats going on. I try and be all i can be for him and i dont even get a hey you look nice or ur a great girlfriend. I actually get nothing.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Men don't date for the "title," that's dumb shit that women do. Guys will date for just sex though, which might be the case here.


What Girls Said 3

  • if you have to ask then you know its not love. you will know when its love. you don't have to talk daily or be with each other constantly. sometimes my boyfriend will be off with me for a day or two. i see him every two weeks due to living 74 miles from each other and so i don't have the problem where we hang out and he'd rather watch tv. just treat him the same. if there's something worth fighting for he will soon buck his ideas up.
    or you plan the date. you pay. who says the man has to pay all the time. I'm trying to get a job to take my boyfriend out for a meal as he always pays due to being older and having a job.

  • A rship is a two way partnership and right now you are giving 100 and he is giving 50. You gotta maybe act unavailable for a while and see what happens.. He will soon buck his ideas up and hopefully see he needs to pay you more attention. Perhaps do this after the 1 year anniversary so as to keep the peace. You can't be the only one fighting for this xx

    • i totally agree. i just read an article that says space gives a guy time to realize what he wants. i think there is some truth to it. It said give a man time to miss you and think ab u if your always available and around then he can't miss you or think ab u bc he doesn't have to.

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    • Im here if you wanna message or need a friend! X good luck hun

    • thank you i totally will!

  • It doesn't seem like he really cares.