Search Results: being guarded

Here's a list of symptoms I've noticed:

I would feel like there's something watching me and waiting to hurt me when I let my guard down. I would wake up in the middle of the night and be looking around my room feeling that there's something in their with me and I would be up for a while scanning my room and waiting for something to move or make a sound, sometimes I'mm get so paranoid that I turn on my bedside lamp or even not go back to sleep. Nothing could get in because my door is locked and my room is on the second floor, and I'm an Atheist so I don't believe in ghost. I also walk to the gym early in the morning when it's still a bit dark out and I would still feel like something or someone is watching me and following me, I constantly look over my shoulder and walk quietly so I can hear other people's footsteps.

I would have delusions and think things like the entire world is against me, all women are horrible sluts, black people are bad and things like that. Let me be very clear that I'm no way, shape, or form sexist or racist, I get along with women and black people just fine, there's just some things that's happened in my life that gave me these thoughts and they could to get triggered by maybe something I heard or something I saw on the internet, and when I have these delusions it's hard to get out of it and I have to constantly remind myself that these things are not true.

I'm afraid to get a proper diagnosis because I don't want to have the stigma of being crazy, insane, or being a lunatic and have some of my rights taken away. There's a law in my state that says people who are diagnosed with a mental illness are unacceptable to apply for a CCL, and say what you want but I'm just going to say that even though I'm mentally ill I'm still a human being and a legal U. S. citizen and I should have my 2nd amendment right just like everyone else.

I ran out of space but I put down my most prominent symptoms.