I Don't Know If I'll Ever Believe A Man That Tells Me He Loves Me

[Anonymous]

I Don't Understand

Every love interest that I have ever had has resulted in the same pattern:

He stares.

He tells his friends that he likes me.

Barely (if ever) talks to me.

Never pursues me.

There's another girl in our love triangle in which I compare myself to.

He disappears.

Over eighteen years of my life, I have managed to go through tens of guys. Honestly, I think this is all my fault. I was always the one who chased him...made the first move...found his social media and messaged him first...What can I say I was in a rush! I want you and you're taking too long at this thing so let me nudge you in the right direction. I thought it was a good idea at that time (and every time.)

Lol.

Then I think it was as a result of my upbringing. I don't understand how a man could ever be anything to a woman other than a romantic-sexual partner. I just don't understand it. I look at those daddy-daughter dates with complete perplex. Luckily, television and YouTube videos have taught me differently! You see a father is supposed to be the first man she ever falls in love with. A father is supposed to put his daughter on a pedestal. He is supposed to uplift her. Chase after her with all of his love. (That way she'll expect a man to never treat her less than what she deserves.) I never saw that. Never towards my mother (she tells me of all the bad memories my dad gave her in their marriage). Never towards me by my own father. Never towards my brothers. (I tried to develop a relationship but that didn't work out to say the least). Never by my own cousin. (Rough and degrading to me. He was just a monster. I'll never understand what his wife sees in him.) Since the dawn of time, a man has been cruel, unkind and unloving. So how can I trust a man is any different when this is all I have seen?

I do not know what love is. Does it twist? Is it a reward? Is it an absentee father that tries to parent me after wanting to have me aborted in the womb? (Blames me for never calling him. He doesn't know what I know of him.) Anyway, I hear that it is supposed to be unconditional. That it does not belittle. Does not scream with snakes in its mouth. Does not call the fact that I breathe a mistake. Does not hold a knife in its hand as it looks down my soul with anger. Does not observe me for all the days of my life as if I am an alien in our home, and yet still doesn't know my favorite color. Oh, does it twist! It gives me fifty dollars on my birthdays! It asks me about my SAT scores! It calls my mother and never my number about how I am! Throws me out of my home! Basks in the embarrassment of my childhood innocence! Sees me as a burden! Talks trash about my own mother in front of my face! Tells me I am nothing!

Is love up or is it down?

Maybe I am searching for perfection. I have this image of how a man should be. Of how he should act towards me. So far no man has come close to meeting this facade in my head.

I think he should be calm. Understanding. Patient. Loving. Uplifting. Respectful. I love hearing about those love stories. "I knew she was the one when I first saw her." God! I hope that happens to me. I hope he pursues after me with all of his might. He makes me feel comfortable. Does not impose his masculinity on me. "I am the man in this relationship. You are the woman. And whatever I say will be the final word because I am the man." "I am above you because of my age and gender." If this man exists he is galaxies away from me. Millenia does not compare to the speed at which he moves of a millimeter. So I have settled for less. Can you blame me? Deep down, does any woman want to be a girlfriend at thirty years old? ...I thought not.

The world is full of malice. "How many hoes you got? Like five." "If she makes you wait, her p**** is trash." Men are free to roam around and create meaningless relationships (as perceived by them) with women. He texts and calls you because you are strictly his best friend. He goes to the mall with you and drives you around because there are no feelings there. Because when your bodies intertwine, he is desensitized. There is no love hormone being released into your blood vessels. Because to him, you are another one of his friends. He waits until you have fallen in love with him, to enter an official relationship with his girlfriend. Or in most cases, he is speed dating and he has another three dates lined up after yours with a possible "Netflix and Chill" included. What a great night it will be for him! Or y'all have been dating for six months and one of those girls that he is texting and swears is his cousin will end up becoming his baby mama in the near future.

I have never been in a relationship before but even I have trust issues from the web of mainstream lies. (I don't really have trust issues, I'm kidding) I guard my heart and would rather perceive the front lawn as a breeding ground of poisonous pythons before I can pick a daisy. The world has tarnished the way I see men. They're all cheaters and sly cheaters for all I know.

What exactly do you mean when you tell me you love me?

What exactly is love? Is it good today and then stabs you in the back to watch you bleed the next? Does it have a million females commenting under his pictures with flirtatious comments? Good men don't exactly rain down all seven days and love doesn't wait forever. Even the STRONGEST feelings expire when ignored and taken for granted.

I'll keep searching though.

[biblangelo]

Thats hell load of your life in a very small message. What happened to you was not in your hands. But we learn from our mistakes. Question as many times as you need to be sure before moving further in any relationship. From your message i understand who ever came in your life they intended to either use you or put you aside. Well sorry to hear that. I have totally opposite life in each n every aspect you mentioned. I will simply say the one who wants you n only you will try to know things about u. He will note each n every detail of your and will also cherish himself according to you. M sure you will get one. Best luck for future. My reagrds

[Jager66]

That was really well put together. Could have just about been my sister who wrote it. Reminded me of her a lot, the parts about the shit father and needing someone to be Understanding. Patient. Loving. Uplifting. Respectful, I've never seen someone in more need of that then her. It really is sad when a child doesn't have parents who treat them with love and a brother, or even 2, can't fill that void. She did end up with good taste in men though, can see through a lot of their shit, so there is that.

I hope you find what your looking for.

[luvstoned4him]

My dad was around since I was 5 and I grow up with a mom who brainwashed me into believing men are bad and will hurt you. Sadly this has been the case.

It could be perfection or just wanting what we didn't have to begin with but one thing is for sure, my expectations are a bit different now and I somewhat want to find a man who has been so severely damaged or hurt by a woman so that we can grow together and heal eachother. No more chasing men, no more chasing confident men or charmers or wastemen

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, I'm no longer chasing after men. Truthfully, it's not our jobs to heal men. I'm gonna find a man that is perfect that will show me the way. In terms of perfect, I mean that he has mom and dad in the home and is emotionally stable, knows how to treat women and more. Maybe, he will heal me with his patience, unconditional love, and understanding. Sister, we've gotta let this hurt all go, heal ourselves and choose to be happy.

[luvstoned4him]

@fulloflife I hear you and I am hoping and praying the best for both of us.

[myTake Owner]

Likewise. Love yall!

[myTake Owner]

Love ya!***********

[luvstoned4him]

love ya too :) <3

[Robertcw]

Well, this is sad on many levels.

I want to start by saying that 1 in 5 men or 20% of the population have not had any sex in the last 12 months despite trying.

Thus, if you think all men prowl around with multiple women and sex three times a day you are mistaken.

Here’s what else is true: 20%, or again 1 in 5 men *do live this way.*

You might be going for these guys instead of the other guys.

Statistically, among single men, 20% have no sex each year, 20% have 50 - 60% of the sex each year and 60% have 40 - 50% of the sex each year.

What does this mean? 20% of men are likely liars and cheaters. 20% are likely desperate beyond belief and in the throws of depression and 60% are probably normal guys in happy relationships (who might get cheated on with by the upper 20%, no less).

I’m not making these numbers up. See my take on INCELs to see the charts.

With that out of the way, you need to look differently and in different places for different types of men. If you are looking inside one particular subculture that identifies with a particular music preference and lifestyle, try a different one.

Each subculture has different lifestyles. And within these there exist different kinds of men. And in fact, it’s entie possible that various chunks of the proportion of men who are having different amounts of sex each year exist in these different subcultures in different quantities.

If you preferences lead you to the type of guy who will cheat on you it’s hard for me to feel sympathy for you. You have to try to look in different places.

Okay. Now for the issues of you making the first move and men not pursuing you.

I’m almost sure that the types who disappear after you pursue them are not the same ones that never pursue you. Though I don’t know your experience or even where you live to get an idea of the dominating local culture, but usually the guys that are too shy to pursue are also not the ones getting sex on any regular basis.

Therefore they have no opportunity to cheat — not really anyway.

The ones who might lose interest in you after making the first move, however, are probably the kinds who do have regular sex and prefer traditional gender roles and would actually probably want to exert their masculinity on you in the ways that you describe in your answer.

Being a woman, since you have all the power over sexual relationships your very preferences could be to blame for what’s happening to you.

It’s the same for men who pursue women who treat them badly and then complain about how all women treat men badly. It might be true for a very large number, but it’s not a universal.

[lightbulb27]

that's quite an emotional dump! You are so right about how fathers and families cast the image of what a man is. In thise case, you had a bad one. I know women who have no father and they have a big void they can't sort out.

I agree with not chasing the men as well. Ok to approach, but I would let them lead if they are interested. To me, you sound like you are desperate, acting out of "need"... needy, and that means wounded and hurt... which you described. That is poison to most guys, it is poison to women if the guy is needy.

Are you ready for the truth... we are all wounded as children. Hardly anyone has pristine upbringing. The wounds are steering the ships. Those wounds really need healed before we date... but there is no controlling when hormones are activated and the process starts, ready or not! And the wounded hearts direct us right to what is painful for us. That's how it works.

You need to do some work on yourself, double check what you can do to make yourself as attractive as possible to a mate and try again. Desperation won't work. It is not easy.

There are exceptional men out there, guys who want to wait til married, wnat to love the girl with all their heart, good guys, men who try hard to keep her happy. A can't see them.. your sub conscious is blocking them out. There are lots of spoiled ones as well as women are corrupting this bunch of spoiled brats... the ones that most women want. It's messed up attraction systems in the women! What you are talking about are the guys who are getting the girls.

you don't know how hard it is to be a guy, it's ok... you don't have to. just realize, we men need a LOT of training and we are getting very little. So we suffer... for years... as you do. It happens both sides.

I'm a guy, I want to fix the problem, it shouldn't be so hard. Jesus couldn't fix it fast, it takes work... the wounds keep propagating. It is fixable, not easy.

I could write for an hour on this... but will stop there...

[dy8alexUk]

You have issues with your upbringing. i had perfect mum and dad brother was shit towards me untill he saw me knock a guy out aged 11 other guy was older and biger. but YOU men genraly blame women ( male chovinist pig types) and ilitrate types. i like to respect woman and give her space I don't swear at women me I put partner 1st please her 1st. i was married 25years but knew her when she was married I waited 6 years. and she cheated on me 2. once a cheat always a cheat. i met a woman called Elizabeth when I moved here she was in her 40s she staid 3 weeks but she was alcoholic I could not deal with it then. Elizabeth was nice she would have stayed for stability I regret that

[MaverickAngel]

The first thing that struck me.. beyond the content of your post... was your age. Your very young to have gone through so much pain and disillusionment... and I was you once long ago. Not everyone is privileged to know p

[bhavy24]

I am sorry to know about your dad and guys around you being mean, but dont loose hope dont feel low you will definetly get guy of your dreams, geniune and honest guys do exist on our planet

[myTake Owner]

Thankyou

[Felinegirl]

The best way to show you're a loveable person is to show you love yourself. If you keep insisting he'll like another girl more, eventually it will always become the truth.

I know this is easier said than done, but for me it still helps to know the only thing "wrong" with me is my self esteem. And even if it isn't, most other faults can be fixed or deminished with self love/esteem/care.

Gosh that sounds woolly. But it helps!

[genericname85]

you shouldn't believe those words outside of any context. the context is what make those words believable. "i love you" is just lip service. see if it lines up with how he behaves.

[J2ohhhhh]

Live is a massive dopamine hit, when you feel you found someone who tolerates your shit.

[J2ohhhhh]

Love*

[Thatsamazing]

Sorry to hear all that. I hope you manage to find someone who makes you happy.

[Sweatyotterr]

You are jut blaming men for everything this is why guys dont like you

[myTake Owner]

Men fall at my feet

[Jemini_Crocket]

I see myself in this. Great take. I hope you will find someone who is right for you soon.

[zagor]

If you date trashy men what the hell do you expect?

[myTake Owner]

never dated them

[brittslitt]

As you shouldn't , a lot of them are full of shit and will tell you what they think you want to hear in order to get into your pants

[Servingworship]

Yeah, men's hearts are evil always. It will never stop being evil.
Fortunately, for me I am waiting to be taken up to heaven in a cloud.
God chose me before I chose him.

[Darklydarkened]

You're just thinking too much and expecting too much from relationships.

[StickStickity13]

This opinion will be unpopular, but most men that women Chase are the attractive guys who have tons of options. You end up being upset because he found someone he likes better. If a man complains about this, it's "his fault"

[myTake Owner]

thanks

[BlackDawn]

Good take babe

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take

[worldscolide]

Your loss...