Search Results: crying over a break up

Oh boy what a good poll to ask. I haven't been on here for a while. I am sure a lot of you experienced individuals can chime in on this. I am at a loss for what to do next. This poll is kind of me ranting too (beware).

To make a long story short, I had asked the girl (now ex I guess) to show me her phone. I wanted to see if she was hiding anything. I know it's wrong of me to go through her phone. This was done in front of her and not done in secrecy. I don't think I know her phone's password to even pull this off. The thing is, when I started opening up her snapchat, she got real defensive quick and demanding that her phone be returned to her possession immediately. Oh big friggin red flag right there. I told her: "if you hiding something, I have to end this now." Oh what a big friggin fuss and endless crying that followed suit.

The thing I do not get is is that I had pulled off an incident like this, which happened months ago back in 2019. She reacted asking why I had to check her phone. She did get pissed at me initially, then calmed down, and then I was allowed to check her phone. Nothing. I tend to pull off these "random phone checks" every so often. Back then I didn't think to check her snapchat. I had only checked her Facebook messages and phone messages up until now. I don't think I checked her Instagram messages. For the times I had conducted these "random checks" I would get backlash from her (to be expected).

The kicker is that I had told her before that these phone checks were for a REASON and meant to rebuild the trust that she has damaged with me. I guess it's too late now?

She tarnished my trust over the course of this relationship and I just had enough. Inb4 people saying I should have left her if she exhibited signs of not being trustworthy. I get it.

End of thread

Well, it's happening, I'm going to do it

I've been suffering symptoms of Schizophrenia and Depression for years now. I think I'm going through my active phase. Lately I've been hearing and seeing things that aren't there, my thoughts and speech have been disorganize. You can probably see my disorganized thought process here on G@G lately, me saying and thinking things that I had no control over. My food addiction is in full swing, I just spent all my money on food and alcohol and I have fees that I can't pay. I'm afraid of what delusions are going to come from this one and if I'm going to do something that I regret.

This morning I had an episode. I felt very depressed and angry, I just cried and shook and felt like tearing my room apart, I had voices and thoughts going through my head telling me how worthless and weak I am and that everyone hates me and I had visions of me harming myself and others. On my way to the gym I didn't know which reality I existed in or if I physically existed myself.

I just had a talk with my mother and I opened up to her. We decided to schedule an appointment with our doctor and see if I can get a referral to see a psychiatrist. I'm sitting here writing this with tear in my eyes and I feel scared. It feels like there's an anchor in my stomach. Is it normal to feel this way? I'm really trying not to bitch out of it and to get the help I need.

I'm only going to read the opinions for this question today, after today I'm taking a break from G@G