From the time I can remember I was taught to help others. To always give. That by doing good you will be rewarded. What happens when your kindness or your heart and your duty to be honorable causes you to suffer? Endlessly in pain unable to dry your eyes. I had a stability in the past as I grew up. My family maybe people I thought were my friends. But what happens when you left on the street alone? I really don't believe anyone would care what happened to me.
I've helped everyone I can think of that needed help. Something as simple as giving a pencil to a classmate so they can take their exam in grade school to helping the homeless. I've even helped animals on the street which seemed to give back more than any person. As if they know how hard life is and that as a lifeform on this planet we need to help each other. See I help everyone not because I want to but because I am meant to. I take my faith very seriously. To me God is my Creator and I am His Creation. Nothing more than that. If he asks me to do something I do it. Yes I have read my bible but unlike the bible thumpers out there who selfishly bash people over the head with it I seek out those who need a helping hand, I look for that person who needs an ear so they can vent, it doesn't matter if they are Christian, Muslim, Wiccan, or all of the above. It doesn't matter if they are atheist. What matters is they are a person. Like all people we need things to survive in this world. The most important is a friend. I have made friends with everyone who welcomes me. Like Jesus says that everyone is welcome to His Father's table I do the same. I don't do it because I want to be a good Samaritan or go to Heaven. In fact while everyone else wants to go to Heaven and ask for things or ask for many wives or husbands. I'd rather stay on service of the Father. What bothers me the most is how hurtful people can be. The knock someone over and leave them down often trying to break them more. I see someone down and I help them up. The ones I help up the most are women.
Not because I prefer women over men but because no one else will help them up. I can see in their eyes and their face their hurt. Maybe because they are allowed to express their feelings. Some younger girls grow up thinking that no one could ever be mean and yet get hurt to the point of not trusting men or other people. I can not choose to help only a certain age group because there are so many who need help and it is wrong. The homeless also hit me hard. I can tell from the people who are abusing that condition and then I can tell who really needs a help. Sometimes it's just a guy who wants a beer or cheeseburger and he has no money. I tell myself why not get him one. I don't give money because maybe it's not what they need. Giving money is cold and heartless. Why not give them your time? Give them that experience that will make today better for them.
What breaks my heart the most are the kids out on their own. Being left like no one lives them. Like they are trash to be thrown away. My childhood wasn't all roses and good but it was good enough to have things that I needed. For the longest time I thought I would never have to worry about my parents giving up on me.
Why do they have to suffer so much? Never knowing if anyone wants them, not knowing what home is or knowing what it's like to enjoy a full belly. There is more to a Happy Meal than just the food. It's the experience to feel better about a time when you need happiness. I've given food to them and their mothers who are out on the street begging for money. You have no idea how much it hits me seeing their little faces light up that at that moment they were going to eat. To see there mother so grateful. I have cried in my car for an hour afterwards because I couldn't hold myself.
What is worse is how after doing so much for my ex she still cheated on me and left me. Friends come and go and people just walk past me. I get so tired. My eyes are always red and my arms in constant pain. What do I do?