Search Results: want more than friends with benefits

1. When a guy ask me out I assume he wants more
2. I get defensive quick, my first thought is cheating, failure or abandonment
3. I can talk openly and have deep conversation, but if a guy shows interest in a romantic way I freeze and run away I avoid conversation about it
4. Too scared to be sexual, cause I caught feelings for my friends with benefits and he didn’t want me in a romantic way (I am celibate because of it. Have been for years).
5. I am loving, witty, caring and open.
6. I love dates, but I don’t want to date I just want the guy I am supposed to be with sent from the heavens. And not do the work behind finding “the one”.
7. I can be unavailable emotionally and cold
8. Don’t like PDA or getting physical with anyone.
I love being single, love my freedom but I get lonely more often than I can count on two hands. And everyone around me are in love (friends and family). I am happy for them but I often look at my hopeless situation.
7. I feel bitterness towards men
8. I haven’t had the best experience with men. I have been sexually harassed/raped, my dad cheats on my mom all the time since I was a little girl, my first boyfriend left me for someone else, was in a abusing situation and my friends with benefits hurt my feelings.
9. Reading and hearing about men doing women wrong makes me explode even more, especially dating today and how gross we treat each other.

I am ready to shake it all off and start trusting again. I have been single for four years. I can’t keep up with this sad love life. I have used my free time on myself and I have found my passion (self discovery). I am not ready to fully commitment yet even if I miss the intimacy the most (I am still young, and enjoying life), but I am done being mad at men. They deserve better and so does my soul.

Advice?

I have been seeing a friend with benefits for about 7 months now but I can’t tell if he actually likes more than he’s admitting. When we have sex he’s always saying how sexy I am during sex and he gives me hickies on my back that hurt for a week. I always get the feeling he wants to kiss me but he doesn’t. Also one time I told him he was the second guy I’ve been with and he asked if I was seeing someone else and I said I was but that I’m not anymore. He said good because he knew I was seeing someone else and was going to end it because of that! Like what? We are only friends with benefits so I’m confused. And one time when we were having sex he said you only having sex with me right? I said yes! But it’s so many mixed signals. We have never even been on a date or anything also. Do you think he has feelings?