The Number One Thing I Learned From My First Relationship Ever This Year

The Number One Thing I Learned From My First Relationship Ever This Year

I chose the image, not only because its a heart but because its a heart composed of two hands that are bigger and more distinguished then the heart they form in the middle. In the same way a relationship is composed of two individuals with different points of views, different strengths or weaknesses and different wishes and desires and dreams. The fact that the heart is made from a whole in between them means that a relationship is built on compromise. The fact the two hands are leaning towards each other but only at the tip means relationships are built on mutual support, and that sometimes relying on somebody else's support is more painful than supporting yourself since another person's attempts to love you will always be imperfect and flawed. The light in the middle means there is a higher power that unites the two separate personalities and the light below the two hands shows how romantic relationships spread positive vibes into this world. That when you are in a healthy relationship - your relationship benefits not only you but the world around you.

Now it is time to talk about my mytake title. What I learned from this relationship, is that you gotta have faith. I don't mean religious faith even though that is a big part of my relationship but you have to have faith that things will go well and that you can be a complete and happy person without the other person constantly reassuring you and being around you.

Here is an example:

1. I thought he didn't appreciate me or that I had disappointed him because he told me we weren't dating when we first got together. I found out 3 months later he had never been in a relationship before and was terrified of getting his heart broken and planned on marrying the first person he ever dated which was why he took so long to decide that he wanted to date me.

2. I was annoyed with him because he showed up late for a date without telling me ahead of time he would be late. I found out later he had left the house 3 hours before to meet me on time before the but had to drop some stuff off at his house before the date as well as buying certain things for our date and that even though he left his parents house 3 hours before our date to meet me on time, he had shown up late because he didn't drive.

3. I thought he didn't like me because he went 2 weeks without talking to me. Then I found out he had been in the hospital during this time where I didn't hear from him and that he wanted to tell me in person about his medical problems and not online because it was too embarrassing for him to talk about online.

4. I thought he had impossibly high standards because his best friend is a female who appears to be every man's dream and he seemed to spend a lot of time talking to her and spending time with her. Then I found out he had been almost completely friendless for most of his childhood and this female, despite being extremely attractive, pursued him for friendship rather than the other way around. She saw that he was lonely and isolated and she was concerned about his emotional and mental health and for a long time she was his best friend because she was the only friend that he had and it was her idea for the two of them to be friends.

5. I thought he didn't respect me because he showed up for another date late and I was about to leave and then when I saw him - he had come well dressed, ready to meet me and had only slept 2 hours the night before because he did not want to be late for his meeting with me. He also bought some refrigerated foods that he was choosing to leave out of the fridge so he wouldn't be any later for his date by dropping the stuff off at his house.

6. I thought he didn't appreciate me because he said thank you when I offered to pay for his food without offering to pay it himself. I offered to pay because he was so poor from paying for medical treatment that he was eating a starvation diet most of the time. However, as soon as his money came in - he wanted to meet me and paid me almost every single penny that I ever spent on him even though he didn't have as much money as me. The belief that he didn't appreciate me was also wrong

7. I thought he was ignoring me in favour of his other, more popular friends because he would only

talk to me at night. Later I found out he had anxiety issues and felt more relaxed at night since his brain was half asleep when it was at night and that was why he only talked to me at night.

From that I learned - to trust others and not to depend on the other person for validation or verification of our relationship - but to trust God and to go to God for my mental well being rather than relying on human beings who might be too sick or too busy or too far away to offer the kind of support I need. While companionship is good - people are not meant to be used like water bottles that can get into every crevice in your life - that is God's job. Don't expect the man or woman to complete you or make you feel good about yourself - no matter how many times you've been mistreated or how badly you think you need a saviour - that is not your partner's job or responsibility - that is your job and God's job. Trust your partner and have faith in them - think long term rather than short term.

So what I learned from my current relationship is to have faith. Don't prejudge or presume things about the other person but find your own self love and self affirmation on your own with the sources of inspiration and spiritual tools given to you in the outside world. Then you can truly appreciate and enjoy the company of your partner.


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What Guys Said 4

  • True, I agree with you , but as you said at the onset , love has 2 halves , when one side is deficient , it make that love strained , most likely to fail , You cannot keep a relationship going on your own. There will come a time when it will fail. He seems not to be putting his everything in there, ...

  • This is touching, thanks for sharing.

  • very good

  • True


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