Things I've Learned From My First Relationship

[txdiie_]

Let me clear the air by confirming I'm guilty of almost all these things on this list

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I've been in a kinda of relationship since I was 14. It wasn't official (but now it is hooray) and here's what I've learned so far from being in my first relationship for a little bit over a year.

1) Don't leave your friends for your partner

Guilty. I'll admit it. I constantly left my best friend and all my friends for my boyfriend. I even convinced myself. I'd say to myself "it's okay, he's my best friend as well". It's good to surround yourself with different people and not forget those important to you. If something happens to your relationship.....heartbreak for example and you have been neglecting your friends, I don't think they'd be happy with you only paying attention to them only after you're in tears and your partner is no longer by your side.

2) Your partner may have different priorities when their not with you

I used to go home and text him all day. I would get really frustrated, sad and lonely when he didn't answer but I had to understand. He was busy doing things, hanging out with his friends, playing sport and going places.

3) If something is bothering you, say it

It's better to express what you feel instead of holding it in. It will leave you weightless and you might be nervous or scared but if this person loves you, no matter the problem...they would want you to be happy.

4) Love isn't like the movies

You'd think this is obvious but it isn't. You don't know what happens behind closed doors.

5) Don't put in more than you get back.

6) Don't Be Anyone's Secret

7) If you don't enjoy something, don't do it.

8 ) It's OK if he's not a fan of something you do, it's not okay if he criticizes everything you do.

9) You were OK before him, you will be OK after him. Eventually.

It's not the end of the world that you are single. You were single before your first relationship and you were fine so don't go and rebounds on another person because you don't want to be single. I know I haven't been through a breakup yet but this just makes sense.

10) Arguments are normal

I was so used to getting along with my boyfriend that our first few arguments threw me for serious loops. We started getting into arguments about how we never spent enough time together and when we did we'd argue about what to do and even to the simplest thing like about where to sit. They weren't full on arguments. They were those, you just want your partner to choose but neither one of you want to so you argue into a solution situation. But if the arguments are long and heated and someone is hurt physically and emotionally then you should rethink your relationship.

11) It's not just you anymore

Whenever I buy something like candy I have to think...would he like these? It's also no longer caring for yourself. You're also caring about another person. Text them to check if their okay and well...alive. If they get hurt you have to be there for them. It's no longer just you.

It's also no longer caring for yourself. You're also caring about another person.

12) Being in a relationship will not fix your problems.

I was lonely before a relationship and sometimes I'm still lonely when I'm in one. I got bad grades before a relationship and I have a super smart boyfriend and still get bad grades. Basically your problems won't be fixed by being in a relationship.

13) I’m still learning.

Who knows, I might learn that everyone was right and my parents and everyone was right, there is no point in being in a high school relationship because they last. Or I could learn that they weren't right and I could actually make it :)

<3 I hope that you liked this MyTake. Please share, like and send positive opinions on this my take.... That would mean a lot to me. Also thank you all for the support and if you haven't seen any of my previous MyTakes you might want to check them out AND MAKE SURE TO LEAVE A LIKE AND SHARE THIS MYTAKE <3

#relationships

#love

[Tomblebee]

Asking for positive feedback is no way to improve or learn.
This would have been a good activity for you to asses where you're at and I wish I'd done some reflection like this...
About seeing where it goes... and not changing anything..
Disagree somewhat...
I think It would be better to accept the fact that if it were to end.. what would you have gained from your time... and also: what's stopping you from changing in your relationship: ask him for help and grow closer together...
(Actually I take that back he might start to feel used for his smarts...)

Nice mytake :)

[zulfiqarali]

Agree with you but I add that you may not met with your love yet.. they way you write.. I think you truly love your boyfriend but he not realize it and felt back... I m so sorry but let me say some positive that what you shared is the lesson you learned and you already applying... indeed we should draw lines for self respect and bring a person to be cared.. no one should allowed to cross it.. brave and bold writing...

[txdiie_]

Hi @zulfiqarali
thank you, something happened this weekend and every word u just wrote was right

[zulfiqarali]

My pleasure..

[OlderAndWiser]

With one exception, these are all very valid lessons to learn and you are obviously mature to have thought about things in this way.

My one disagreement is "Don't put in more than you get back." If a relationship is 50/50, it will almost always feel that you are making more effort than your partner. You are always aware of every little thing that you do for the relationship but you are not aware of everything that y our partner odes. Maybe he just keeps his mouth shut instead of responding to something you said or tells himself to be more patient with you. You don't know everything your partner does for your benefit.

Accounting and Relationships ↗

[Logorithim]

That you've already learned all that from a first relationship is very impressive. Great Take!

[Anonymous]

We women are narcissistic masochists. We hate it when things are going well, especially if they continue to go well for long periods of time. We know down deep that we are fucked-up and not worthy of anything that is truly good. So when things are going well in a relationship, we eventually sabotage it. We just can’t help ourselves in this regard.
We could have the greatest, most handsome, most well-hung husband in the world—a one-of-a-kind man who makes all of our girlfriends jealous; we could have the greatest children in the world, who are beautiful, well-behaved and ambitious; we could have the most enviable career imaginable; we could have all of the money and prestige and the truly good things in life, and we could repeatedly tell ourselves over and over, and believe, on the surface, that we would never cheat on our husbands. But down deep we know that it’s a lie. Because one day, we could walk into a grocery store, and some bad boy could whisper just the right combination of words in our ear, and the next thing you know, we’re at the Motel 6 getting it in the ass. That’s just how we are, and any woman—especially a hot woman—who says otherwise, is a liar.
We want a man whom we can’t have. We want a man who honestly doesn’t give a fuck about us, who doesn’t care if we come or go. That’s the kind of man we will pursue. Call them bad boys or call them whatever you want, that’s the kind of man we want – period. The kind of guy who will make us orgasm, crudely, and give us a huge sexual thrill in the bedroom, and then discard us like used toilet paper, and fuck our female friends afterwards, just because he can. (Just like we would do with his male friends.)
We always lie about the number of sexual partners weve had we also lie about not wanting men with large penises. If we told the actual truth about the number of different men and women we’ve slept with, and if we told the actual truth about our fervent desire for big dicks, our pool of potential suitors would shrink drastically, to the point where it would completely dry up. So we lie. Most often, we will claim that we’ve had between three and eight sexual partners in our lifetime. And, to our way of thinking, it isn’t a lie, because if we had five sexual partners last Saturday evening, and our man asks us how many sexual partners we have had, and we answer, “Five”, well, technically, we aren’t lying.

[txdiie_]

You're lucky I read all of that. I rarely read such long paragraphs... but... I don't know what kind of women you are and the type of women you know...

[txdiie_]

I'd like to speak for myself and say.

I think I have the best boyfriend on earth. He loves me and he truly, really, deeply does. I know it. He can't stop talking about me apparently, and he is obsessed with me. He is such a gentle men. He refreshes my drinks, he constantly re assures me that he loves me. He gives me forehead kisses and long warm hugs. He holds my hand and doesn't love me for my body or how I look, he loves me for me. He tells me when love songs remind him of me. In general he is a kind person, he is nice to everyone and even people he doesn't know.

He studies and works hard. He is also by the way... very good looking. I could go on but that's not the point.

The point is he is so amazing because he is kind and the past few days our relationship has reached it's peek and I love it. I wouldn't change our relationship or him of the world. And I don't think anything you wrote was true.

[txdiie_]

I don't care if later down the road I find out he has a tiny penis. I love him. I love him despite how he looks and I love him based on our connection, chemistry and his personality. Words at this point cannot describe how much I love this boy. And I truly... truly think we were meant to be. I don't need a bad boy, or a man who gives me orgasms. I need my man and only my man <3

And women don't always think like that. Maybe just the women around you. In fact I think women rarely think like that. You should stop stereotyping all women and I don't even think it's at all true.

[Opinion Owner]

You and I both know that we girls put up a false front about virtually everything. Our faces are fake (makeup), our hair is fake (dyed), our boobs are fake (some of us), everything about us is fake. Most especially when it comes to what is inside of us. We lie constantly, because we are far worse, character-wise, than even our closest friends or lovers will ever know, and we desperately fight to keep all of that hidden.

We are looking for our true daddies, basically – the idealized daddies that we never had – somebody who can see through all of our false fronts and call us out on our bullshit and put us in our place. The problem is, those type of men are very few and far between.

[txdiie_]

Well makeup is too much effort and i don't wear it. Besides my boyfriend doesn't like it... and gotta keep my mans happy. My hair is fake because it's just a protective style but if I could wear my natural hair afro and it still grew... and if it wasn't hard to look after... I wouldn't think twice.

[txdiie_]

there are very few women like that... maybe it's just you

[txdiie_]

I wouldn't choose anyone else over my mans
Any kpop star
Any pop star
Any actor
No one

[Opinion Owner]

Us women are vastly, exponentially, hornier than men. A woman will do just about anything, sexually speaking, so long as she is fairly certain she won’t get caught. For example, we will occasionally go out of town in order to rendezvous with a man we’ve been longing to fuck, and/or to have multiple sex partners in the same evening, and/or at the same time.
This is something that hot women do, most especially. In our minds, it is a natural desire, and a natural thing, and so long as nobody else finds out, it’s “game on”. Women are receptacles for cock, that’s how we have been biologically designed. Nothing feels better to us than being completely filled up with multiple penises, than being the center of sexual attention, than being the object of unbridled group lust. Since it’s something we can’t risk doing on our home turf (don’t shit where you eat), we have to think outside the box, in order to get our boxes completely satisfied. And you might find this shocking, but many women – many

[Opinion Owner]

... many women – have sex with d*gs on a routine basis. This is just one example of how insatiable we truly are.
I can see why you might not believe it, to which I say, look really hard at all of the women you know who have d*gs. Look at women who have d*gs whenever you see them out on the street, in the act of walking those d*gs. Or at the park. You will notice that most of them have male d*gs – the vast majority, in fact. This isn’t a coincidence. And look at all the female teachers who are exposed in the media for having sex with underage students. We have no self-control when it comes to sex – or anything else, for that matter. To our way of thinking, losing control is what makes sex great. Doing anything that is taboo is what makes sex great.

[bubble_tea]

Good take.. but I disagee with
5) Don't put in more than you get back. and
7) If you don't enjoy something, don't do it.
Relationships shouldn't be like economics, tit-for-tat.
Sometimes, you should do things you don't really enjoy if it makes your partner happy.

[markscott]

The only thing I would change, is about not putting more into the relationship than she does. Though a one sided or lopsided relationship should not be allowed to go far, drop it early, there should be a willingness to do more for the other than you get. But this needs to come from both people, not just one.

[torken]

I think this is great, but be careful with 5 and 7. If you start measuring everything you put into a relationship, then it quickly kills it.

The AVERAGE should be 50/50, but that sometimes means it'll be 90/10 and then 10/90. Its okay to do more than your "share", not just okay actually but necessary!

7: i think pushing yourself out of your comfort zone a little bit is a good thing

[questionsWanswers]

One I would add to that, spontaneous sex is not all Its cracked up to be. Trust me, everythings better right out the shower and on a comfortable bed. Don't expect to have much fun eating out your girlfriend at the end of a hot day while kneeling on gravel. Like you said life is not like the movies.

[psychoticallyawkward]

I feel strongly about there being an equal effort. Probably cause it was extremely unbalanced with my ex. But yeah I guess be careful that it doesn’t turn into pan scale love. Like I did this for you and now you do this for me so we are even. That’s not good. Neither is one person doing everything and putting in all the effort. That’s a one sided relationship and doesn’t feel good.

[taleswapper]

I agree with everything except 5. That's a bit harder to judge, since there's no metric for it. Some people are naturally giving; others are not. There's no way to actually measure how much you "put into" a relationship, or "get out of" it.

It's like commerce, really. When people engage in trade, they each think they get more than they give. That's how it works, ideally.

[revertagreen]

Wow 14 is pretty young <3
Thanks for the great mytake as always x

Best of luck to you and your boyfriend :*

[txdiie_]

Thanks hehe you're always the first reader
Thanks for being a good friend :)

[Ahsthen]

You buy candy before [you] want it. Don't think of whether he will. If you want a stop measure, ask yourself whether you really want it, or whether you need it.

Arguments are not fights, people misunderstand this. (Same goes for criticism; ridicule on the other hand...) Though argument isn't necessary either. Depends on what you want and how badly.

[Anonymous]

im just gonna be honest
the reason relation ships are not working out is because one

you and your family don't know the truth
and also him and his family don't know the truth

so you both are going based off a lie
so basically you are both stupid on purpose
cause If you did know the truth WOAHHHHH

it would be way more serious but this applies to everyone at least until now

it is no longer hidden
follow the truth and everything will work out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rI0MVd7q5t4

[DizzyDesii]

Is that you in the pic? Great mytake. I had to learn all this the hard way

[txdiie_]

haha no, my boyfriend and i don't have pics together

[Twistboy101]

Still waiting on my first relationship to come along. But this is good. You could write a paper on this.

[JustAnEdiaGuy]

Sums (most) relationships up pretty good. Except 5. Put in how much you want thats left to any individual, sometimes you get it back 3x more and sometimes you dont. Depends on your Partner.

[clampfan101]

Very nice. I’ve never had an official girlfriend so I have no experience in these, but have known about them for a long time so I have faith my first relationship will go well. Wish me luck.

[djmzes]

I have learnt it without being in a relationship cuz i have never been in one.

[musical_kittycat]

Wonderful Take! I could probably find a lot of these things quite useful.

[Tonga]

nice take! i really relate with you on these problems with my first boyfriend!

[snowcap54]

Sounds to me like you've got your head in the right place, your dialogue is very clear on what you think, feel, and want in life. Good luck with your future.