Learning From Heartbreak: 5 Things I Learned From My First Relationship

[psychoticallyawkward]

I wrote this myTake about a year after my ex boyfriend and I broke up. This is based only on my experience with my ex. Your experience may be similar or different.

1. Listen to your gut instinct.

A month before Stephen and I broke up I kept wanting to make it work. I wanted him to be who I thought he was. This idea I had narrowed in on. This image of what we could be was all I could see. It was so far from reality. During that same month something inside me kept screaming “I can’t do this anymore! I can’t do this anymore!”

2. Sometimes your ideal future is so far from your present reality.

It’s okay to be future oriented and think of long term goals. However, when you are in the beginning of a new relationship it is best not to get too caught up in that. For example, when Stephen and I first started dating I felt a deep emotional connection. I took online relationship quizzes and tests. I thought we were soulmates. I had it in my mind we would be together forever. In the end I realized that he just wanted some fun and relief from his dull life.

3. What seems like love may very well be infatuation.

4. Both people must put in the effort.

Don’t put more effort in to the relationship than the other person is willing to give. I know keeping score isn’t good. At the same time though if one person is doing 95% of the work and the other is doing 5% that will lead to resentment and disappointment.

5. If you are in a relationship and these lyrics speak to you it may be time to cut ties.

Conclusion:
I am in a wonderful place in my life now. I am no longer in love with who I wish Stephen was. In fact I met my true love and soulmate recently. I now know the difference between infatuation, which is what I felt for Stephen, and love. Maybe in the future I will write another myTake about my current relationship.

Have a fantastic day!

[Kosu_Xiong13]

I think you have to first realize that you have to be your own happiness in life first. It's all about how you see the world and yourself, which directly translates to what you seek in others. When two honest and very happy people meet, both equally looking for a REAL relationship. For the most part at least, it always seems to spark a genuine love, and one that even if fails, the two will not regret or even hate one another after. I think today however, teens and young adults are not realizing this soon enough, and thus are also aimlessly seeking for someone and I do not blame them for that (I did this too). It is natural, one that isn't wrong by all means either. But at least in my opinion now, it is at this time in their life, that it is the most vital for everyone to focus on themselves first I feel. Girls and guys. To see what they do & don't like. To mature. To explore. To answer who they aren't which then leads to who they actually are, and finally, to ultimately find that inner confidence or happiness no matter how small for themselves. I believe it is this that gives you the most understanding and appreciation for a relationship, especially when it finally comes. Because at least then it will be something that will enhance your life, rather than one that keeps it going.. . I love this take of yours, I truly do, and although I'm only 18 lol. I'm glad you've finally headed in the right direction, and I honestly wish you the best of luck with your current relationship!! He better not hurt you. Anyways, I have some experience in the past, and although I'm not in one right now. I think that being this young and immature, it is refreshing to reflect and think about it really like you have done. To really think, to take my time, no rush, and just enjoy my life step by step first. That way I can do the same for another in the future, ten folds, by bringing in happiness rather than seek it

[Anonymous]

I absolutely doubt you don't have any "real love" scenario up to this point to even know, What the real love feel like !
Love is dangerous game and requires plenty of sacrifices (just cuz you love him) and its very selfish and the other person will try to have you for himself only
but whenever the situation comes up he will be there for rescue and he will even meet with your family and friends to be there for support and follow you.
LOVE demands absolute loyalty and even if someone cheats it can be mend and UN_TESTED love is just live "building castles in air" cuz if you don't stayed for that person in need or you ran away the moment something went wrong !
You don't love her and just pretending to be loving and its PURE IDIOCY if you look at it from other perspective. We (my g. f) fight a lot and during the low, I always knew She will be waiting for my message or try to contact me.
We even follow the loyalty code during that time cuz WHen you love someone give it your best try and LOVE HER.

[VIVANT]

I think if you like someone you make an effort. If it doesn’t work out you’ll see that and move on. No point in trying to catch the bad before it’s there. Getting your heart broken is important bc you need to know you can live through it.

Life should be lived not micromsnager, and love is not suddenly oure love vs infstuation. There will be a period of infatuation in the way to love. And you can also stop loving someone after genuinely loving someone.

Life is messy and you will make mistakes and you need to flexibility and resiliency to do so. People idealizing perfrction will invariably go crazy.

The lesson is you can get fucked up live through it.

As for too much affection unless you are using affection as euphemism for sex, I don’t think there is too much. Some people communicate physically, most people don’t get enough affection. I don’t mean sex I mean physical contact that reminds you are are alive and someone cares thst you are. Sometimes words are not what is needed.

[Blunique]

My first breakup shattered me to pieces. I have not dated since but I feel like if I have a next one it won't be as bad as the first one.

Great mytake.

Especially gut instinct. I was burned too many times by not listening to my gut instinct. But I finally learned my lesson. If I get a bad feeling from a guy, I cut it off.

[cth96190]

I learned that a broken heart hurt more than physical pain.
I learned to not trust women.
I learned that love was a delusion caused by brain chemistry.
I learned that she had hurt me so much that I had been left incapable of feeling romantic love for a woman.

[Browneye57]

Sure. But really old stuff. At your age everything is new, eh? A new discovery.
Oh, and there's no such thing as a 'soulmate'. Just another platitude. There are many suitors and potential mates - it's your JOB in dating to make that determination. Soulmate = infatuation.

[xkildy]

Human nature or instinct is often a 6 sense. Sometimes if you listen to it you will have a greater chance of things working out.

[Lance1965]

You learn from every realtionship and hopefully you learn from the mistakes you made. Sadly with every new realtionship you will find new issues to overcome. The learning never ends.

[PrettyRegular]

Good take.
By the way, I think your infatuation vs love chart is bs.

[psychoticallyawkward]

Thanks. Why's that? How would you described the differences between infatuation and love?

[PrettyRegular]

Oh. I read them wrong way.

[psychoticallyawkward]

@PrettyRegular Ah. No worries. :)

[Tomblebee]

if you met them recently and your calling them soulmate isn't that being quick to reach milestones?

[red_knight]

Made me reflect on all my passed relationships... I wish I was given this information as a younger teen.. it would have saved me so much time wasted...

[Jextcurious]

You wouldn't have listened. Teenagers don't.

[red_knight]

@Jextcurious not really but I wouldn't have understood... which means I'd have done research and gotten my answers.. I'd have learned something at the very least yo

[Jextcurious]

You can't convince me🙉

[red_knight]

@Jextcurious I can't hear You!!! Lalalalalala!!!

[Kayla45]

I was heart broken many times as well, somehow things get worse before they get better.. :(

[Wowgirl10q]

Good take wait till you learn by divorce
Sucks

[Loser94]

And that's why I'm afraid of relationships I'm a bitch I know it I'm scared of having a romantic relationship with a woman cause of these reasons and many personal ones.

[Harsh_Ch]

@psychoticallyawkward so did he dump you or did you dump him?

[NightOwl8801]

I cannot disagree with you.
Well stated points and it's a good article

[Queenmach]

Girl, I had the exact same situation so preach to the choir. It was the bigger wake up call once I saw my relationship for what it was.

[Anonymous]

My gut is telling me to rip his eyes out and make him swallow them!

[Ironic_Pepe]

Rule #1: Listen to your gut instinct.

Go for it!

[Opinion Owner]

@Ironic_Pepe I know :) "I am not paranoid" loL

[VixenRach]

Nice take, thanks for sharing 😊

[nbbn5]

Hogwarts?

[psychoticallyawkward]

@nbbn5 What about it?

[nbbn5]

Your display picture?

[LegateLanius]

Well, at least you had a relationship

[Zergio]

nice take

[Rcjh1987]

Very true.

[RedRobin]

Nice take