I just ended things with my boyfriend who I was dating for a year. Even though our relationship did not last very long, he was still my first love. It was, and still is, so hard because the reason for our break up was distance. We barely got to see each other, maybe once every two weeks if we were lucky, and it was difficult to communicate and show our love for each over the phone. But when we actually met up and went on dates, everything was perfect and we were perfect.
Next September, I'm moving to a different city while he is moving to a different country, and over the summer we are both going abroad to different countries to study, volunteer, and travel. Thus, the only time we had to end things was now. Our last date was the most bittersweet thing I had ever experienced. It was our first time seeing each other in three weeks, and I had missed him so much. But while I was waiting for him in front of the building we usually meet at, I realized this would be the last time I would ever wait for him.
I saw him walking towards me, and when he smiled at me his lips curved up,but his eyes seemed sad. When I went in for the hug, his grip on me was so tight as if he was aware that this was the last time we'd be able to share that "I missed you" hug. The date was perfect, we talked, we laughed, we joked around, and we acted as if we weren't going to end in a few hours. I tried to be my usual self and show him how much he meant to me and how much I loved him. We went to the restaurant where we ate during our first date, we went to the park where he first saw me cry, and we walked down the street we had walked down on every single one of our dates. At the end of our date, I walked him to the bus terminal.
I had promised him that I wouldn't cry because that would make it harder for him. We shared a silent hug, and when I let go, he looked into my eyes to make sure I wasn't crying. I put on a smile for him and gently pushed him to go, and I watched him as he walked towards the bus. After he was gone, I took a deep breath and walked around some more to clear my head and let the fact that he was no longer mine sink in. That's when I got a text from him saying "I love you.... I'm sorry I couldn't say it to your face I just didn't know how to bring it up.... but know that I love you". All the tears I had been holding back just flowed down my face, and it truly felt as if my world had ended and my heart had been permanently broken.
It's only been three days. and it still feels like my world is ending. We promised to stay good friends and talk to each other and meet up whenever we could. But the point of this mytake is not for me to tell you guys about how I broke up with my boyfriend. I want people to learn something from my story. Because during the relationship, I took him for granted. I complained about how he was always busy and we couldn't meet up as often as other couples. I complained how he was less affectionate than my friends' boyfriends because he didn't post pictures with cheesy captions on instagram. I complained that he was lazy and never planned our dates. I complained that I was the only one putting effort into the relationship.
But now, I hate myself for complaining about waiting two weeks to see him, because now I don't know when I will be able to see him again. I hate myself for comparing him to other guys because he just had his own way of dating and still showed me the same amount of love but in a different way. I hate myself for calling him lazy, because after talking to his best friend, I found out that the things my boyfriend had done for me were really him putting himself out of his way. This was both our first relationship, which is why it might be so hard because we both don't know how to cope with it.
But what I learned and realized, and what I hope you learned and realized as well, is to never ever take your love for granted. One day, you're going to miss the things they did to annoy you, their habits, your little inside jokes, and the routines you shared together. I pass down the street we always walked on, and the building we always met at everyday on my way to school. And it kills me, but the one thing I'm proud of myself for doing is that no matter how many times I complained about our relationship, I would still always show him my love for him and make sure he felt it. That is the one regret I don't have and the one thing that is keeping me going, or else I'd be dead from regret. So please, let your significant other know how much they mean to you and how much you love them every single day.
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