Search Results: sleeping with my best friend

Okay I have a long time boyfriend, and we're over the year mark. 90% of the time I am very happy with him, and am a perfect girlfriend, but I have these spells where I feel trapped, and want to be single. It lasts for hours, days at most and then I'm back to normal. I usually start a fight and leave until it wears off. I don't cheat every time, but if it lasts more than a night I do. I know it's wrong, but don't judge me. I don't want to occasionally feel different than I usually do, when I'm in that mode I have no intention of staying in the relationship, but it always wears off and I want to be with him. Lately I've been thinking that he knows I cheat on him but pretends not to. Last time I stayed at his best friends cousin for 2 days, and his best friend told him. I admitted that I stayed with him as friends for 2 days, and admitted to sleeping in his bed, but denied having sex with him. My boyfriend either believed me or he is okay with it. I love him and if I could be totally honest with him we could be even closer. I want to somehow figure out if he knows or not, but I'm afraid if he doesn't know everything will be ruined. I'm thinking of cheating, and having that person text him and tell him, and seeing if he mentions it. If he doesn't then I know he knows and we can finally talk about it, and I wouldn't have to worry about losing my relationship every time I mess up. If he doesn't know and he gets upset then I'll just deny it, and act angry. If he isn't okay with it, but forgives me anyway, what's the best way to cheat and make it seem like I'm definitely not? I'm pretty sure he's cool with it, because he's always leaving me alone with guys, he never checks my phone or social media, he doesn't check up on me to see if I am where I claim to be, and never surprises me. He won't show up without texting me and letting me know when he'll arrive. I want to let him know so badly, but without having to have a conversation. Like I want to show him. Advice please?

My now boyfriend recently cheated on me in revenge because I had slept with someone before we had became official, had a title or commitment towards each other, however in a small amount of time we did create a lot of memories, we were sleeping with each other and generally spent a lot of time together. We became official 4-6 months after the incident and it is now a year later and he has decided to sleep with another girl in revenge of what I did with also knowing that I am 5 months pregnant with our son. He hasn't been the easiest person and ever since he has known I have been to hell and back, most of our relationship problems were based on that one incident, at least once a week we argued or fought about it, he said many hurtful things towards me and it really got to the point that to the I held a lot of self hate towards myself, I got really depressed and hated the person I was because of how he portrayed me. In this duration of time I have made a lot of sarcrafices in order for him to realise that I am serious about our relationship, that I really do love him, that I am a faithful and a loyal person when in a committed relationship. I have deactivated my social media sites, I stopped do not leave my home unless it's to see him or to go to appointments, I blocked my guy best friends number and stopped speaking to him, I do not speak to any males at all and I only ever speak to my boyfriend and my female friend on the regular and so fourth, he has now slept with someone and thinks he has done nothing wrong because I had also slept with someone but my problem is that we weren't together when I did. His mentality is that we are both just as bad as each other and now it's time to move on and start over with our relationship. I'm an understanding person and if I was in the wrong from the beginning I would be able to push past what he has done but at the moment he has this way of making me feel like he done what he has done because of me and I am to blame.