Search Results: dont want to lose him as a friend

We have been broken up for a year. We were together for 2.5 years and I was madly in love with her, but somewhere she just stopped loving me. I treated her like a queen, making her happy made me happy. A month after we broke up she started dating this guy the was in our friend group I'm pretty sure she cheated on me with, although she swears she didn't. We stopped talking for months, I lost her number, she blocked me on social media. Fast foward to last month and I meet up with her to get answers. The first time we met, I went to her job and kept it casual, I just wanted to let her know I didn't hate her and wanted to feel out the person she became the year we've been apart. The next time I went to her place to return her stuff and get mine, but that never happend. We smoked together, caught up on eachothers lives and had lunch together. It was strange, almost as if we never stopped talking to eachother. Whenever she mentioned her bf she only complained about him. After the lunch I unleashed my pent up emotions on her about why she left me. She said I treated her too well (WTF.) She'd been through a lot in our time together and I was her support every step of the way. She said she didn't know what love was and needed to leave me to grow up (We are the same age) I asked her after all I had done for her to tell me I was worthless and that she never loved me, and when she hesitated I kissed her. It was a short kiss but she kissed me back.(Her bf was calling her) I gave her a hug and told her I hope she loves him and is happy. She plans on moving states with him w/o finishing college. After I left, she unblocked me on Facebook and refollowed me on instagram, but I recently unfollowed her and she did the same. I JUST DONT KNOW she says she's happy and that she loves him, but after feeling reconnected with her and kissing her, Im so mixed up. I want the girl who’s heartbeat matched mine back. She cried a lot, Part of me feels like she did it b/c she feels like she owes me

im 18, im just out of highschool, im first nations meaning i get a grant for my education (university is payed for basically), im not sure what i want to study just yet so im working odd jobs getting some experience, im interested in mechanic work but i think i should strive for better. right now im working two jobs and my life consists of eating, sleeping and working, oh and the internet hahaha. im thinking of purchasing a vary cheep dual purpose dirt bike at $1500, to add a little fun to my life. asking my parents about this is like asking them "hey i wanna go pick up killing myself as a hobby, what do you think?" haha so there not really the best ones to ask about that, and my friends are heavy drinkers and im not, I've lost touch with them since highschool, so i really dont have anyone to ask for advice, so what do you guys think? yes or no?