Search Results: should i dump them

I dated this guy, he dumped me, said he freaked out. Then we had an on/off relationship; he kept jerking me around (being friends, then hooking up again), and I got fed up. I cut him off, unfriended him on every social media account, except he still follows me on Tumblr. Since then, I've calmed down and I'm pretty much over him, but I'm debating whether I should bother being friends with him since we did have fun times together. I texted him a couple weeks ago, light stuff and he responded to all of them, but he didn't initiate any. I haven't texted him since then (over a week). I asked him if he wanted to catch up sometime and he said "yea but I'm pretty busy this weekend, maybe next week" and I told him I was also busy, and I'm on vacation that week. To which he responded "we'll figure it out". So I left the ball in his court, but it's a tad frustrating cause I feel like I'm the only one putting in effort to salvage things. Granted, I ignored his texts when I cut him off, and he said he was keeping in touch with me but wasn't sure if I wanted that.

When I get back from vacation, should I ask him if he wants to catch up again, or just leave it in his court? I don't want to spend energy chasing him down, and I don't want to seem like I'm trying to get back together with him either. Basically I don't want to be a fool/desperate. Not sure how to go about this, or if it's just something I should just drop.

To add, he was the one that asked to stay friends, I responded by telling him I needed to get over him since we want different things; I still don't know what he wants, he's vague. When we were hooking up, I weighed heavier (5'6, 145lbs), now I'm 125lbs and feeling a lot happier/confident/sexy. When I was bigger, I had self-esteem issues. If it doesn't work I won't be bummed about it.

TL;DR: Guy dumped me, we hooked up (on/off), he asked to be friends, I cut him off. Now, I'm trying to reconcile, but I feel like I'm the only one putting in effort.

Genuinely curious about this. I see on here a lot of responses to questions about people being used and tossed aside in relationships, especially women askers, and the responses tend to be, "Well, it's your fault. You should've seen the signs." Do you really believe the victim is more at fault than the liar?


I'm not talking about people who did see the signs and ignored them. I'm talking about ones who genuinely didn't see or recognize the signs of a user/abuser until they got dumped or ghosted or something like that.

I have been friends with this girl for over 3 years now. She has been my rock for many difficult situations I went through in my life. I was a victim of domestic violence and abuse, she helped me stay calm, strong, confident, secure, loved. She is very understanding, open-minded, a great conversationalist, I enjoy spending time with her. She is a great listener, wise beyond her years, even though she is a teenager, like me. I've always heard from others how she talks nothing but the best about me. She knows my soul.

But there are some little things that have always made me question weather she's a true friend or not: 98% of the time I am the one to initiate conversations and textings, 97% of the time I am the one to suggests going out together. The things became worse after she found her first boyfriend (10 months ago). He is friends with an enemy of mine and he hates me. He has been draging her away from me. She spends all the time with him and she barely finds one evening a week to go out with me. I've seen him trying to distract her on the street so that she won't see me and talk to me.

GET THIS:
2 days ago I celebrated my 19th birthday. I am known for throwing the best parties in town. It's been like that since 9th birthday. Wich I just realized is 10 years now. 😀 There is always a lot of people. For some reason (still don't know why), only 3 people showed up now. It was very very bad. She was one of them, there were 2 more girls. The plan was to go to an afterparty out, to a café and the other two arranged plans with their boyfriends. I felt disrespected. But than my BFF said she will go out with her boyfriend, as well. I was in disbelief. She betrayed me. She dumped me on my birthday, and chose HIM! As if he doesn't get enough days to see her. So she abandons me when my party was a total bust, instead of staying till the end and comforting me. No matter how nice she was about it, it didn't help. Is she my friend at all? What should I do? (Explain why)