If I were to ask you what's the most important thing when deciding whether any type of relationship would succeed or fail, what would you say? Confidence? WRONG! The correct answer is RESPECT.
Respect for her, respect for the relationship, and most importantly above everything else, respect for yourself. When you respect yourself and your decisions that's when others respect you. Women NEED to respect their man, not want, but actually NEED. If they don't respect you, they'll never be attracted to you. Think about it, if you had to chose (for a relationship) between a smoking hot girl that's a perfect 10, but is also a dumb selfish bitch or a girl that's about a 7 but is someone you respect, who would you chose? Most of this is going to come down to maturity obviously, but I assume that most would chose the later. If you've ever been in a relationship where there is no mutual respect you know how much it belittles you.
I know people love to talk about confidence and that it's the most important thing, but confidence is only the result of respecting yourself. So now that you know what the undoubtedly most important thing to have, how do you get it? It's actually much simpler than you think it is. Think to yourself what you feel like you deserve in life and if you don't have it then work on attaining it. It's as simple as that, nothing complicated, no tricks, no bullshit, just the truth. Respect yourself enough to not sell yourself short and to have what you believe you deserve and you will start putting the work and effort into attaining that.
Why do you think that women love successful men or men with passion or men that don't give them attention when she wants it? It's because they respect themselves enough to want to live a happy life and not put up with any bullshit. Men think, scratch that both genders, think that you'll find someone that will magically make you happy and fixes your life. Guess what? That ain't happening. Relationships are about growing individually into the person that you can be proud of. If you're not happy or doing things in your life that make you happy, no one is going to want to be with you. You need to understand that and accept it, it's part of life and it doesn't make anyone a bad person for it.
So how do you show your partner or the girl you're dating or some girl you're into that you're someone that she'd be happy to be with? You don't put up with any of their bullshit, that's how. Every time a woman gives you some bullshit (we all know it happens a lot), don't back down, show her that you're man enough to respect yourself and that you won't let anyone walk all over you. Would James Bond put up with any of that bullshit? Hell to the fucking no. Imagine a girl saying no to James bond after asking her out. What do you think he'll do? Text her more? Ask her out again? Keep trying to impress her? Hell no, he's literally not going to give a shit because he knows he deserves someone that wants him and is not entertaining anything else because he respects himself. Women want a man who is unapologetically themselves.
All that bullshit she puts you through are just little tests. That's all women do, constantly test how much of a man you are. Remember women want MEN not boys. Women don't even realize that they do it, that's the funny thing about it. The more you pass, the more she'll respect you, and the more she'll be attracted to you. So when you're girlfriend or wife or whatever is asking you to do all these stupid things for her to make her happy even though she KNOWS you shouldn't do it or there's no reason for it, she's actually testing you. She's not going to dump you for it, you both know that so just do whatever you want as long as it doesn't put strain on the relationship. She asks you for a backrub? Do it if you actually want to, not because it'll make her happy. Now I'm not saying be a complete selfish jerk, what I'm saying is to always remember that you're equals and if you think something is unfair, stand up and don't take any of that bullshit.
See that's where a lot of relationships fail. The power struggle phase. Men think that if they just do whatever they think will make their woman happy it'll make them happy, which is not true at all. If you continue doing what you're doing all that's going to happen is you start making her a priority and making yourself a doormat. She's not going to respect you for it, she'll be happy, but she'll just think you're a little bitch. Do you know who does stupid things like that? Guys that are friendzoned. Believe it or not (it's happened to me in the past) you start doing that and your girlfriend will just start seeing you as her best friend and eventually dump your ass once she has no more attraction for you and finds another guy that ignites that spark. I'm not saying that to be sexist, everyone does this and while it's wrong it's part of human nature and can't be blamed.
Men and women who fall in this category need to understand. That being in a relationship does not mean that you're one person. You will ALWAYS be an INDIVIDUAL that's just sharing his/her life with someone else and never forget that the other person is as much of an individual as you are. Lose that individuality and I can promise you that she'll be gone soon after. The usual scenario goes like this:
Guy and girl falls hard for each other, honeymoon phase, ending of honeymoon phase and into the power struggle phase. Woman steps back a bit (perfectly natural when getting out of the honeymoon phase) man sees this and starts going a bit above and beyond for her. It makes her happy and things get better for a bit. He thinks, "gee that worked well". She gets upset again and he does the same....repeat it a bunch of time and she starts thinking that she's feeling trapped because every time some negative emotion pops up he won't let her feel it and she'll also lose respect for him.
You need to understand that women are much more emotional than guys. Guys are like dogs, you tell them to sit, they do it. On the other hand, women are like cats, if they want to be left alone, you leave them alone (or they'll bite/scratch you) and they'll eventually come back when they want to, that's when you're sweet to her. Most guys don't get this and it ends up biting them in the ass, I know it's happened to me. Once this cycle starts, it can be the end of a relationship (someone has clearly won the power struggle phase when no one should "win") so if you're reading this pay close attention.
The signs are going to be that sex is not what it used to be. Instead of having it every day it becomes once a week or whatever and she seems less happy/moodier, she stops giving you as much attention. Point is that it's going to be a noticeable difference. You need to respect her decision that she wants to step back. Show her that and eventually she'll start giving you hints that she's ready to accept you back in her life with more care. Don't bitch about anything, just live in the moment. Keep respecting yourself and your girl about what she really wants (pay attention to what she's doing not just saying) and you'll hopefully bounce back.
Communication is key to any relationship. Most of the time that couples fight, it's because they're on a completely different page. They don't even know what the other person is thinking or what the real problem is, they just think they do. So when you're having an argument with a partner it's very important to ask what the problem is, why is it a problem, and how it makes her/him feel. If you don't know all of that then you'll never be able to properly fix it.
I think I've covered the most important topics and I hope this all helps. Just remember:
1. Respect yourself, her, and the relationship.
2. What would James Bond do?
3. Pay attention to your relationship and be mentally present
4. Proper communication is key.
5. Never lose your individuality, she fell in love with you as an individual not as someone who is constantly trying to please.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
I disagree. Relationships are not about what you do or don't do but about the other person simply accepting what you do or don't do. There is no magic method to getting along with other people romantically. That's why the section in B&N is rife with books on this topic; if there were a concrete answer we'd have found it by now.
That's the point though, if they are romantically attracted to you they will only accept you if they respect you. If the respect isn't there or they lose it then they'll push you away no matter what you do.
It has nothing to do with respect at all. Some people look for others they can overpower easily whether through force or manipulation so even that isn't universal. Humans are complicated things.
1. I do have respect for myself her and the relationship, it hasn't helped so far.
2. Only James Bond can getaway with what he does, cause the script is written that way.
3. Yes
4. Yes
5. Yes, but it doesn't help.
then the problem is that she doesn't respect you enough, sorry to say but it's true. I have no idea why, but I think you probably know. I wish you the best of luck and I suggest you both study relationship psychology.
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