Search Results: controlling boyfriend girlfriend

(I'm in college). I have a boyfriend, and it's a wonderful long term relationship (coming up on 3 years) and we get along great. We've never had a fight, respect each others' boundaries, but are supportive and talk at least once every single day of free will. We go on fun official dates all the time, even 3 years later. We were each others' first everything and have a huge amount of trust.

There's another guy I've known for 3 years longer than I've known my boyfriend and my boyfriend knows him too. We both liked each other at one point, but due to various circumstances, we never actually got around to dating. Instead, we've remained distant friends over the years. We chat occasionally on FB for instance, but that's about it. He also has a girlfriend now (few months).

As embarrassing as it is to admit, I still have some feelings for him. I usually have good self control, but one night two years ago, we were at my friends house and got a little drunk. My boyfriend wasn't there, because this was my friend's house, and it was more of just casually hanging out with 3 friends than a party. Nothing actually bad happened, but this guy gave me a back massage which felt really good. I said, "can I tell you a secret? I still secretly like you." He said, "I don't think your boyfriend would like that but I think you're pretty" and held my hand for a lot of the night. Then he said, you're an electron and I'm a positron (with the implication being that we were attracted to each other of course).

We haven't communicated at all in awhile, but in the last year, we've been chatting a little more on FB...maybe once every month or two. We both agreed that we'd have to hang out sometime this summer, but didn't know when Because of work/school. I really love my boyfriend, but (tbh) I've had a few pretty sexual dreams about this other guy in the last year (randomly). I know I still like him, but I know that the relationship wouldn't go anywhere...which is partly why I wasn't aggressive at all about dating him when I had the chance. Logic aside though, I'm still attracted to him.

I like being friends and talking to him, because he's had some great insights and really helped me out in the past. Would it be immoral to hang out with him by myself this summer (being fully aware that I like him)? Would it be necessary to drag my boyfriend to come along? He isn't great friends with this guy, so he probably wouldn't be all that interested in going. I wouldn't want to make him do anything he doesn't want to do, but I do want to catch up with this guy. Is that wrong?

I figure..we are friends and I'd like to maintain that. And, if my boyfriend and I did ever break up for some reason, he'd be the first person I'd want to date, so I sort of want to keep him in contact. That's an honest reason, but selfish :P I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend hung out with a girl like this, but maybe he would mind? I want the friendship, but is that a bit of a pretense?

What do you guys think?

My boyfriend and I have been together for some years now, on and off. I currently live in Japan, and he is living in America. I got a job in Japan and moved out here last year; he was here visiting me for a few months and will be coming back this August to work in Japan as well.

While we both love each other and generally do well together, there is something that has been really bothering me in the relationship. My boyfriend ALWAYS gets upset/depressed when I go out with my friends. I don't drink, so normally my friends and I grab a bite to eat in town for an hour or two before heading home. My boyfriend knows the guys/girls I hang out with and likes them as well; yet, he gets upset when I go out with them. Some of the reasons include:

1. Guys. Even though he knows that I am not interested in the slightest, and even though he knows that one of the guys I hang out with has a girlfriend/fiance, he is still overly jealous. I have never cheated, and he never has either, but I feel he is overprotective of me.

2. Not staying home to talk to him - Yeah, the time difference is a bit of a pain and since we're so far away from each other, we can't really DO anything together. But we talk every day while I'm at work, and I usually try to talk to him every day when I get home (I stay in on the wkends too). However, when I tell him IN ADVANCE that I am going to go out with X, Y, and Z on Wednesday (or whatever), he gets upset/depressed, saying that I'm giving up time that could be spent talking to him. Then he'll say things like "I would never talk to other people and put you second; I would always put you first." Which...isn't fair. He doesn't have many friends to begin with, so of course he wouldn't go hang out with them over talking to me. In my opinion, this has nothing to do with my wanting to hang out with someone MORE THAN talk to him; I just want to maintain my other friendships, too.

3. He says I don't care as much as he does. This really pisses me off. I have stuck by his side and helped him out for years when no one else cared. I do the best I can to send him messages throughout the day reminding him how much I love him and how I can't wait until he's here. And he has the nerve to say I don't care? He says I don't get sad that we can't see each other, or I don't seem bothered, but I am! I just try to remain positive and don't show my sadness so much. Yet, when I explained that to him, he said I should show it more so he can tell I care.

I don't know if this is normal. I want to hang out with my friends and explore Japan while I'm here, but I find myself having to lie about going out, or having to ask permission from him. I'm always nervous when I make plans with my friends, thinking "What is he going to say/How is he going to react?"

Is this normal? Is this a controlling relationship? I can't tell; it's different, I want to say, because we live in two different countries and are so far apart.

Any thoughts/opinions?