Search Results: losing feelings

I'm only 22, but I've spent the majority of my time overseas, mostly in the Far East. I got into a Far Eastern religion, and agreed to become a missionary. The main goal was converting people to ours. Having studied it, I actually was convinced that christian girls here had weak morals, no mental discipline, etc... that I was far superior because of our ways. I'd said this on a number of occasions. We were sent to a college city in the South. 4 of us. Almost all of the people I came across were college girls, self identified as Christians. Most were thick in build, wore fitted black tights and kept a straight face. I used every ounce of willpower I could muster to ignore their big booty and thick legs, convinced I could for sure, having superior mental discipline. I can't!!! It was impossible. As soon as my eyes went down, they hit those 2 spots, and my entire mouth dropped open shocked. I HATED that moment most, because it's when my ego got destroyed, knowing I was losing. I tried to recover quickly by looking uup, to talk conversion. But when I did, I ended up looking RIGHT INTO their *straight face.* I literally stammered, unable to break through it. They didn't seem to have ANY trouble keeping the poker face, ugh. I gave up, left the church and missionary group. The last night in the hotel, I was SO frustrated, couldn't believe what had happened to me. I was WRONG about you girls, and now my gloating ego has been destroyed. If you happen to be 1 of these type of girls also, do you think the way I'm feeling is deserved? Could I have done anything else against those girls?