Search Results: keeping relationship secret

This question is aimed at anyone currently in a committed relationship or if you have been in a committed relationship.

Here is the scenario, try to really imagine yourself in it: You and your partner have been together almost a year, there has been an occasion where they kept a secret from you which had been negatively impacting the relationship as a whole to the point you break up but then a month later you manage to talk and get back together. From this point on they are fully aware that you expect full transparency and honesty and no keeping things from each other, it's agreed upon.

Now 2 mths later they decide to tell you that they would like to make some German friends that live in their city. The reasons so they have someone to speak the language with to keep themselves fluent and the other reason so that their children can also have some German kiddy friends. All very understandable. You support that.

They then tell you they made a friend of the opposite sex who has children and they are on each others Facebook and have been messaging the last day or two. Your partner wants to meet up with them and continue to get to know them. You are mature and handle the situation like an adult and voice a few concerns about establishing boundaries but everything is good.

Later that night you decide to check out this German Facebook group out of curiosity and you find your partner has entered into a conversation with another member of the opposite sex and they are in the process of organising a meet-up for the very next day..

You have been chatting with your partner since they spoke to the potential friend and no mention of any of it at all. It's obvious you have been kept in the dark on this one and definitely not included.

How would you honestly feel? I want feedback too.

I never got closure about this question. My ex was my first love. The thing I loved the most about him was that he was himself. Im humble but I came to realize that most guys only like me for my looks. Thats the thing I get complemented on the most, but people rarely take the time to know my personality or truly show me theirs. But with him, we were genuine. From the moment we met, I felt as though he was always being himself. And he came to realize that I didn't judge him one bit, even when he didn't have food in the house or money to take me out, I would bring food or I would TRY to take him out but he never accepted. He also bought me many expensive gifts, the most expensive was an apple ipad and he took me on dates every week and to his house most days. He even suggested I move in with him. He offered to teach me how to drive, he wanted to meet my family (I met his), he talked to me every day and every minute of the day I knew I could text him and within seconds he would be texting me back. He came to my job almost everyday for months just to see me. I gave him my virginity. Like, I thought I knew him. He seemed so real. We broke up because of him keeping secrets from me and damaging my trust but right we broke up he acted completely different, like he didn't care about me at all. I couldnt text or call him because he wouldn't respond most times, he became distant and acted like he didn't even want to fix things. He acted like a complete stranger and our relationship went from feeling real to nothing. He only texted when he wanted to have sex and he would drop me off as soon as we were done. He told me he still loved me, but I clearly couldnt work anything out with him because he didn't seem to want me anymore. At first I felt worthless but I eventually stopped giving a fuck. I want to tell myself that he never loved me because it seems logical since he treats me like nothing now after HE is the one who broke MY heart. But I dont know.

Say you had been with your partner for 10 months, you found out from them when you approached them that they had been keeping something important from you in the relationship, they answered truthfully when you questioned them but did keep a secret about something important about their life that was starting to impact on the relationship.

You break up and 3 weeks later can see they maybe deserve a chance to talk, explain properly and open up completely.

Would you consider giving them a second chance if their actions, words and efforts seemed genuine and sincere?

I guess you would have to consider things like trust again as that may very well be an issue, maybe going slower this time and setting some clear boundaries...