Cushioning: Effects, Defects and Side Effects!

Cushioning: Effects, Defects and Side Effects!

Hello and welcome everyone! In this take, I'll talk bout cushioning: the latest dating trend which is just a result of our fear of heartbreak. So what actually is cushioning? According to the Urban Dictionary, cushioning is defined as being in a relationship or seriously dating someone, yet also keeping around several "cushions"—aka people you text, flirt with, or even date—to cushion the blow if your main relationship doesn't last.

To me, this idea seems quite rubbish. How can you even do this? Making someone think that you like them while you're not that serious regarding it instead you're already committed but still this is an increasing trend nowadays. So, why would someone still do it? because we're too scared of heartbreak. What if she finds another guy? What if she shifts to another city? What if? What that? Our internal fear of getting hurt in a relationship makes us do these types of things.No one wants to get hurt, hence we create backups(boom- countdown starts).

Cushioning: Effects, Defects and Side Effects!

So now you're out and ready to make backups. You start finding potential partners- friends, colleagues, that cute girl/guy in the bar and treat them accordingly because a wise man once said, "A little flirting never harms" and hence you're following his path of enlightment. But over time when you face problems in your relationships, you deal it with knowledge that you have someone at your back and you surely won't end single and disappointed. You're ready with plan B, no matter whether you're fully committed to your partner.

Cushioning: Effects, Defects and Side Effects!

The main con is that it leads to emotional cheating at a point. You'll start feeling a bit distant from your partner, because maybe when they'll see you with your new close friends of opposite sex, they'll feel jealous but won't say anything (modern dating ya know? we're too open) but it would surely increase distances. And if you're already preparing plans for a breakup, you'll eventually get a breakup cause no matter how good are you at keeping secrets, they'll finally know it from somewhere that you were flirting and texting all those girls/guys especially when you two were having arguements and fights. This will probably make your relationship hollow.

Cushioning: Effects, Defects and Side Effects!

If you still have any plans to follow this trend, just imagine once that your partner has a friend of opposite sex on whom he/she rely emotionally. Feels bad, doesn't it? Yeah.

While making cushions, at the end, you'll realise that you've been playing with the emotions of yourself, your innocent partner and your cushions (if they didn't know about your relationship).

Cushioning: Effects, Defects and Side Effects!

If you're using this trick then you are not really giving your love a fair chance. A relationship can never be strong if you're putting half-hearted efforts. Even heartbreaks are important sometimes. Hence, I'd totally advice you to not indulge in this if you want a serious relationship in your life otherwise you can have as many cushions as you want, why just cushions? then you must have fwbs too. For people who are into this, Just think clearly bout it.

This was all for today.Thanks for reading!

Goodbye and Take care❤️


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Most Helpful Girl

  • "A relationship can never be strong if you're putting half-hearted efforts."

    Couldn't agree more. Very good take.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If my partner where to purposely flirt with others because deep down they had no faith in our relationship they would be totally right to do so. Because the moment i figure that out they can use said others to soften the blow of me leaving that very moment. I expect commitment not that kind of flirting behind my back.

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What Girls Said 10

  • Yeah that’s interesting to how people claim they want a “ Romeo and Juliet” relationship when they aren’t even putting in the effort. Like many of my friends do this, they have 3 crushes at a time and have a boyfriend or two on the internet. I’m thinking “ why this isn’t even real love how do you even love someone you never met?” The whole “romantic” thing is killing me, I don’t even try anymore 😓

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  • I was on tinder recently I decided one guy at a time but I realized that the longer you take to match the least likely they are to talk when you do.
    I liked daily but nothing stuck finally I met this guy and he was great we clicked instantly. Unfortunately I also was getting on with someone else too.
    We talked long hours for a week then went on our first date, honestly it was the best first date I had in a long time. He said so too.
    Maybe because we clicked I felt so comfortable with him. We kissed and my head was spinning. We met up again the following evening and we ended up sleeping together.
    It seemed to enhance the connection.
    He was saying things like he was catching feelings, we discussed our tinder matches and as I got a text from the other guy. I told him that he was still texting, I hadn't been really communicating but reminded him although I liked him and we were in bed, we weren't exclusive. I reassure him we hadn't met up yet. He said he had another girl doing the same.
    So I put it out there, are you interested in her, if so how would you feel about meeting her and me this guy so we are sure.
    He was uncomfortable with the idea said he didn't want to because he doesn't like messing with more than one girl. I said to him well although we are getting on its only been a week and even though I'd like you, you've already said you're nervous about marriage and stuff so I don't want you to feel under pressure when I made it clear that's the goal but not for a few years.

    I said that i would meet this guy and if he wanted to do the same with her he could.

    he started backing off a bit calls were less frequent.
    More talks about his baby mom and daughter and not keeping to our plans.
    I panicked and went on a date for tea with a totally new guy.

    When he called I felt so guilty I confessed. I told him nothing happened which was true we just had tea and it didn't feel right.

    He said he respected my honesty. Things were OK he texted in the am as usual. But as the days went on it got less. I asked him what was up and he said he didn't want me doubting myself that he was still interested, suggested we go to dinner by him but I wasn't feeling his option plus staying at his before we were official (he lives with family I wasn't comfortable with)
    He came to mine, we slept together. He went to the wedding and started telling me his brother told him to resolve things with his baby mum and she was getting excited but he wasn't interested.

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    • I said to him well maybe your brothers right, like you're telling me. Maybe it would be good if you fix things you already have your daughter together.
      He insisted that he didn't want to hear that and he wasn't going back.
      He then started talking about not being comfortable with a big wedding and if I want to marry him I should propose to him with a watch but he was happier living together and me giving him a son.
      I'm confused because when I said to him it sounds like you have commitment issue's he snapped I said to him. I've out you under no pressure at all, I told you what my goals are, I even backed off and suggested seeing this other person just so we are sure of one another. But now you're talking like this...
      What's up?
      He then said he was home and he would call me back. I've not heard from him since...

  • Wow. This really makes me stop and think, especially given the question I just posted.

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  • There is no excuse for it in real life where you have physical contact with people... However, if you are using an online dating service, you are probably going to be responding to and getting to know many people simultaneously. As long as in the moment after you make us your mind which one you want to spend your life with... you let the others down as gently as you can and sever ties... up to and including deleting your old profile. You're fine.

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  • @txdiie_
    thats what i did with royal in year 7... never done it since.
    who was ur cushion

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  • Where I come from it’s called having a stable (as in a bunch of horses corralled) and I’ve stayed away from guys with stables.

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  • Preach!! :)

    Loved this one.

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  • This is what my boyfriend is doing to me.

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  • I think it's no time not cool at all.

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  • nice term

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What Guys Said 16

  • I simply don't believe in emotional cheating. The only thing that I care about is whether a woman physically cheats on me or not.

    I am a high value man. Why should I get insecure about my lady winking at a guy or sending emojis to some idiot when I am the one that she is having sex with every night?

    Women are emotional so they are the ones who are insecure about emotional cheating. The reality is women are the ones most likely to emotionally cheat. Men are driven by sex. If you are giving quality sex to your man that is taken care of. A woman dates a man based on his resources and status. She will monkey branch and flirt with guys who are higher status her entire life.

    As long as you are a stable and confident man you will have no issues.

    By the way... cushioning is not knew. Its always been there. In the past it was friendzoning people. Now it is cushioning. 99% of guys are friends with a woman because they secretely want to fuck her brains out. Lets not pretend guys. A woman knows this and will keep them on the back burner relationship bullpen.

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  • This trend is bullshit
    If you are not fully committed in one relationship with one person that you love then it is really a time waste thing and this idea is for people who are not sure about the commitment and have confidence issues

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  • "the latest dating trend"

    I hate to break it to ya kid, this has been a trend since 200,000 BC.

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  • i am pretty sure cushioning is wasting other times,
    and as you know you have cushion you won't bleed till 100% for the relationship you are in..

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  • Good read, but I think decent people never do such things, this sounds just sick to me, didn't know that's actually a trend...

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  • I feel that cushioning, ghosting, zombieing, and benching are the actions of horrible people. It makes no sense to treat people like toilet paper.

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  • I think most girls do this. Otherwise why are they inviting meinto their bedroom when we both know shehas a boyfriend

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  • 'Back burner boyfriends' too harsh of a phrase it warranted renaming?

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  • Interesting take.

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  • Great take

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  • what goes around comes around.

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  • What a foolish, cowardly idea.

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  • Yeah

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  • People are weak if they do this

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  • Productive

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  • Interesting term...

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