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In this situation you get to be in my dad's shoes about 22 years ago.

You and your wife just had your first child. You take your kid home after a few days and then rush the kid back to the hospital after barely a week at home. You learn your child had a stroke. Doctors prepare you for the end. They tell you your child has a 25% chance of surviving. They tell you that your child will likely not be able to live on its own, will need care forever, won't be able to hear, and could be mute. They tell you that your child will not be a normal child.

The child is connected to tubes and wires and machines.

The child stays in the hospital for 3 months.

The doctors come to your room every Monday to tell you and your spouse about your child's progress and the plans for the next week.

My dad chose not to be present for these meetings and instead had my mom recieve the news (both good and bad) alone. And by chose, I mean chose. He works with his brother and could have easily taken off every Monday or the entire 3 months (his brother even told him to) but he elected to stay away during those meetings because he didn't like hearing the news. He also didn't let any family or friends visit while I was in the hospital. He didn't want them to see me that way. To this day there are no pictures of me from ages 12 days - 3 months. They simply don't exist. He didn't want any memories of them.

If I mention my stroke he gets angry. He doesn't like thinking about it.

I just found out that he wasn't there during the doctor meetings (he came every day and everything, but refused to be there with my mom to meet with the doctor). I found that surprising because I feel like a parent would want to be there every second during a time like that...

But my question for you is how would you handle it? Would you handle it like my dad did or would you handle it differently?

My dad's a good dad. I'm his favorite (sounds silly but it's true) and so it just surprised me when I heard that he excluded himself from that part of my life lol

He did the same thing when my youngest brother was born not breathing. He distanced himself from him for the week or so where they had gotten him breathing and until he was out of the woods. Then he came around and allowed himself to get attached.

It's his defense mechanism.