I have two children aged 4 and 2. My 4 years old father has blocked me off of everything since I found out I was pregnant because he "wasnt ready to be a father" and I later terminated his rights. My 2 years old father and I just simply did not work out because of our differences and takes BOTH of my children on the weekends that he can (he works full time). He took in my son when my son was 2 months old, even though he did not have to. And our daughter is definitely a daddies girl.
I have heard many, many negative comments and posts here on GAG referring to "single mothers" and how they would never get with a single mother because of the 'baggage', which is obviously referring to the children. So let me just fill some people in on my experiences as a single mom.
I juggle being a mom, online college, and work on a day to day basis. No, I do NOT sit at home and collect welfare or child support. I support myself and my babies without a single cent from the state or their father. I decided to do the over nights shift at work so that I was there when my children went to bed and when they wake up. Everynight I work at a warehouse (while my mom watches my kiddos) from 10-6am. Which means I get very little sleep. Oh, and also, my kids no longer take naps. So that isn't something I can look forward to. I chose to do online college so I could spend more time with my children. I would love to be on campus, but I won't. Its called sacrafice. Which is something you learn to do when you have children. -Some people should take notes.
I have learned to juggle more things than one. As I said above, one thing I juggle is work, school and family time. But that is not the only thing I juggle. Have you ever held two heavy children in your arms while carrying 10 bags of groceries, a diaper bag, a coffee and can still unlock your front door? Yeah, skill. Also something you learn how to do when becoming a single parent.
I dont have a social life. Do I wish I did? Of course I do! But I dont. And why, you might ask? Because A) In-between my priorities I rarely have free time. B) I have become a control freak and dont allow just anyone around my children [People who have any type of drug/alcohol addiction {which is a rarity where I dont hang out with these type of people}, and other children whom are sick, which happens more often then not where young children seem to be prone to sickness]. So anyways, I have become kind of a hermit. And their father does not take them as often as he probably should because of work and the lack of a trusted sitter.
I dont know what a clean house is. My house is in constant shambles. I clean and make everything spotless. Turn around for two seconds to put some clothes in the dresser and when I come back out, I often question on whether or not I am losing my mind! Because the house looks like I have picked nothing up. So I cherish the two seconds that my house is clean. And do you know what it feels like to step on a lego, jump up and away from the harse object, step on another lego with your undamaged foot, jump the opposite way just to trip over a ball and fall straight to your ass and land on a car? Yeah, the struggle is real.
A 5 minute shower by myself is out. I end up with my two kids in the shower with me. And for those of you who dont know the feeling, the shower gets so cramped that you're afraid of even soaping up your hair because you dont want to get soap in your little midgets eyes. You go to the bathroom and lock the door behind you and cherish them point 2 seconds of peace. Just as the relaxation starts to kick in, theirs two pairs of hands underneath the bathroom door and sometimes they shake the door so hard that the lock unlocks, and in come the little goobs again. Needless to say, there is no such thing as privacy.
Oh, and this was a great one. I was the one who had to explain to my son why he had a "thingy" and his sister didn't. I totally wish that conversation could have arose when he was at his fathers but nope. So you can imagine the thoughts running through my head as I tried explaining to my 3 year old (at the time) why boys had penises and girls didn't. Just to have him sit there and play with it, in complete awe. *Face Palm Moment*.
Dinner is a blast. I will ask my kids if they want, say, chicken for dinner, and both of them will be soooo excited that I am cooking chicken. Just to turn around and stare at it like it is the most disgusting thing set infront of them when dinner is ready, and then explian to me how much they really wanted hotdogs and mac-n-cheese.
Bath time to them is "See how much I can soak mommy" time. Or the "Lets see how wet I can get this floor" game. And since I am a single mother, I get the kids out of the bath by myself, one at a time. Get one dried off and turn to grab the other. As I am drying that one off I hear a splash, look behind me and realize Thing 1 has dove back into the tub and is giggling uncontrollably.
Clean up time.... Yeah, about that. Does anyone elses kids do this? Tell them to pick up their toys, one child will listen and start cleaning where as the other child is now M.I.A. I will search the house and the child will be hiding under the bed, or under the cupboard. So I will bring them back to pick up the toys and all the sudden their legs are "broken" or they have some invisable boo boos that need kisses? Yeah, every night. Never fails.
Single mothers know what I mean when I say that those last 3 hours or so before bed time go by so much slower than the rest of the day. You feel like your in school again, looking at the clock every 10 minutes, just to realize its only been 2 minutes since you last checked. And then when it gets to be bed time, they beg you to read 15+ books and no matter how much you say no, they continue to beg so you finally give in, just so they will stop screaming.
Ahhh, relaxation time. You kick your shoes off and recline in your chair just to be poked in the back by the toys that found their way into the creases of the seat instead of the toybox. So you throw it aside, missing the toybox and turn on the tv. Just to decide its too quiet and you go in to check on your perfect sleeping children because you are bored and you dont know what to do with yourself. So you spend the rest of the time you have to relax sitting there and looking at their beautiful faces. Study the way they breath. And kiss their forehead before walking away, just to stand in the doorway and observe them for 10 more minutes.
This is what I go through everyday. Single mothers are not a burden. And if you believe they have too much 'baggage', then I can promise you that we will write you out of our lives without a single problem. You will never be better than our children. Never. And it will take a damn miracle to be worthy enough to even be a part of our babies lives. Children are not baggage. My children are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
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