Disclaimer - This Take isn't about single moms who are in their 30s (as in single moms who had kids later in life), single moms whose husbands' died (I am sorry that you had to go through that) or single moms are who are moms through rape (I am sorry that you had to go through that).
I am 25 years of age, and I already have quite a lot of experience with single moms and half siblings. In fact, this is an issue I have been dealing with all my life. Let me take you through time, as we explore my own family history.
When my mom was 17, she had her first kid, a son, with a man she was dating in high school. Shortly after having that kid, they broke up and my mom was left a single mom.
After that, my mom eventually met another man, and they eventually started dating shortly after. I cannot actually tell you how long they were dating for, BUT my mom gave birth to a daughter at age 21. Shortly after having a daughter with this man, they broke up and she was left a single mom once again.
So, at age 21, my mom already had 2 kids with 2 different men. During this time, my mom went to college when she could, did her best to provide for those kids and still tried her best to maintain a normal life.
Years later, at a club, my mom met my father and my parents began dating and eventually got married. At age 32, my mom gave birth to me, THEN at age 42, my mom gave birth to my younger brother.
So... here is my family:
An older half brother
An older half sister
A full blooded younger brother
During my childhood, my parents used to argue a lot and as I got older my dad disclosed to me some of the things he was feeling. He told me that when he met my mom, he had no idea she had kids but he liked her a lot and wanted to make it work, so he tried to accept her kids.
He also told me that her kids (my older half siblings) were extremely disrespectful and he tried his best with them, but there was always conflict between them and he went into heavy debt and had to file for bankruptcy trying to take care of the entire family. He basically advised me and begged me not to marry a woman with kids, and he told that was his biggest regret in life. I also learned some other things about the men my mom previously dated (from my mom, who occasionally kept in contact with these men).
My older half brother's dad - he was apparently a loser in high school and didn't accomplish much. He is now a street minister and has 3 other kids with another woman. I.E - Bad Boy Number One
My older half sister's dad - he had issues with drugs and alcohol and was in and out of jail. This is a trait he unknowingly passed to my older half sister, who also struggled with all of this as well. I.E - Bad Boy Number Two
My dad - he is a highly respected business manager, great at negotiating, had a lot of authority and new how to work people over, was in the army, went to college and is a "renaissance man". I.E - The Good Man
Other Notable Single Moms In My Family:
My cousin - she had a kid at age 16 with a drug dealer and obviously, they are no longer together and the guy has other kids with other women
Cousin #2 - she had a kid with a high school dropout at age 18, and they are no longer together. She had another kid with another guy who was "raised in the streets" and they are no longer together. She has 2 kids with 2 different men that she is no longer seeing.
My sister - she struggled most of her life, but she really wanted a kid. At age 30, she had a kid with a guy who was a 40 year old pizza delivery man. Obviously, they are no longer together and she has struggled to raise that kid alone. She ended up giving the kid to the grandmother on the dad's side.
Now that you know about my experiences with this, let's dive into the essence of this take.
Single Moms & Bad Boys:
It's no secret but women seem to be highly attracted to bad boys and go for good men later in life. At age 25, when I have talked to single moms my age, it is always the same thing:
1. The guy cheated on me with other women
2. The guy was a deadbeat and had no ambition in life
3. He used to be such a nice guy but he changed
4. He didn't want to be with me anymore after having a kid
Talking to young single moms, I always hear things like that. Here's a real scenario (from real life):
There was a singer that was dating a rapper. This rapper already had a few children with a few different women, he was affiliated with people who lived that "street life" and rapped about that stuff (gangs, drug dealers, etc). However, this singer was head over heels for this guy. They eventually got engaged, and they had a kid together. Obviously, the rapper cheated on her with other women and when they broke off the engagement and split, the rapper didn't feel like paying child support and talked sh*t behind her back. Obviously, this is the bad boy.
The singer eventually met a nice guy...a man who was into church, educated, far from the street life, did charities and used his fame to help the community around him and he was also good with her kid. Long story short, they ended up getting married.
As you can see from my background, me talking to young single moms and the scenario above, women ALWAYS go for the bad boy first. Then, after the bad boy has sex with her, gets her pregnant and moves onto a new woman, the single mom wises up and decides that they don't want a bad boy any longer and then they choose the good man. Someone who can grow with her and help raise her kid and be a good role model for the kid.
Why Get Pregnant So Young?
In today's generation, it seems like every woman is a young single mom. Listen, I know that it takes two to tango; however, a woman has the final decision as to whether she is going to get pregnant or not. You are the one who decided that you would let the guy have sex with you without a condom. You are the one who decided that you do not want to take birth control. You are the one who decided to have sex with that guy, even when you knew deep down he may not be around forever, so it was all your choice.
Here is another scenario:
I was talking to this girl I knew from work. She was 21 years old. During working together we grew closer and she eventually disclosed to me that she had a 2 year old and that she was a single mom. When I asked her where the dad was, she told me that the dad was with another woman. I, of course, asked if the guy cheated on her, and she told me that was not the case. Apparently, the guy she had sex with was a very close friend and nothing more, and when they had sex with each other for the first time, they didn't use a condom and she didn't use any birth control and she ended up getting pregnant. Since they were just friends, they eventually went their separate ways and she was left a single mom.
As you can see from above scenario, women do have a choice in all of this and they can decide what men they want to have sex with, who they have sex with, etc. In a lot of instances... when I talk and meet young single moms, they always seem to be pregnant from a guy they've known for a short amount of time or a guy they've been dating for a short amount of time, and then they get pissed when the guy cheats on them or they guy doesn't want to be around any longer.
-Why would you have a child with a guy you have known for a short period of time?
-Have you ever heard a young guy say, "I can't wait to be a dad soon?" I haven't! 95% of young men don't want children at a young age. We just want to have sex and fuck around. You having a kid with a guy isn't going to make him want to stay... in fact, he will just leave quicker.
-As a matter of fact, a lot of men don't want to date single moms. As men, we are very territorial. When we see a young single mom with kids, we will avoid you. Why should we date you, when we can date other single women our age? Your kid will always be number 1 in your life, and that child will always be a reminder of the "love and sex" and you had with another man, A MAN who was sh*t in the first place.
Future Issues With Single Moms
If you read this article, you will see that the number of single moms is increasing:
At age 25, I have met women in my age group who have 1-3 kid with 1-3 different men. This may make me sound crazy but I think that is an issue.
If a woman is having kids with all these different men... that means the kids will have a lot of different half siblings.
What if two half siblings met each other and didn't actually know they were half siblings and had sex with each other and had a kid? That would mess up the gene pool.
ACTUALLY... I know that sounds crazy but is it? This was actually a King of the Hill episode:
In this episode, John Redcorn had sex with Nancy and got her pregnant. He also had sex with another woman the same night named Charlene and got her pregnant. 14 years later, Nancy's son (Joseph) met Charlene's daughter (Kate) and they developed a crush on each other. HOWEVER... they had no idea they were half siblings.
Can you imagine this scenario happening in real life? With the increase in single moms, I can see something like that happening one day... especially with women who have multiple children with multiple men.
My Stance On Young Single Moms
I am not saying that young single moms are bad or evil or are a plague, but I do not prefer them. When I was a kid, I had a lot of respect and admiration for my mom. But as I got older and learned that my mom had 2 kids with 2 different men, men who weren't even respectable men, I lost a lot of respect for her.
I mean, looking at my dad, he worked hard all of his life, is very caring, headstrong and gets things done. But he lost a lot of opportunities because he had to help raise kids that weren't even his. My dad has instilled the following message into my head.
1. Go to school
2. Get a career
3. Build financial stability
4. Meet a girl you really care about
5. Spend a lot of time with her to ensure you're a match
6. Get married
7. Have kids
That is the what my dad has taught me, and that is the path I am going down. A good man should not have to settle for a single mom with kids. A good man should not have to raise kids that aren't even his, especially when the mom had kids with a loser. A good man should be able to settle down with a good woman, grow with her, have kids with her and raise a family together as both mother and father to their child.
I know that life has its and downs, and I know things don't always go as planned... but bringing a child into this world at such a young age is not smart, and if you are sleeping with "lesser men" and having their kid... that tells me you cannot make important life decisions.
Here's why you should't have kids at a young age:
1. Younger couples are known to constantly break up
2. Your 20s should be used as a time to explore different types of people and date around
3. Your 20s should be used as a time for growth, figuring yourself out and going out and having fun
A single mom will tell me, "I am not missing out on anything and my child is a blessing". Of course your child is a blessing, who would dare say that their child is a curse?
And to end this, I will leave you a conversation/text I recently had with a single mom:
Me: How long have you been a single mom for?
Her: I've been single for 8 months. Been a single mom for about the same amount of time. Her dad just comes and goes whenever he feels it's necessary.
Me: Why did you guys end your relationship?
Her: Because he wasn't thinking about the family and was only thinking about himself. I don't raise grown men. I already have one child to raise. I can't teach a man how to be a man when his parents already should have taught him that. And he wouldn't stop talking to this girl that he called "his best friend". During our relationship, before we completely ended it, we split up for one week. I found her he fucked her when we split up for that week, which is fine. But, what I don't understand is why would you stick around with someone like that when you know that girl you called "your best friend" wanted a relationship? He made me drop all of my guy friends, and I did... but he couldn't drop this female friend for me and it was just too much.
Note: After she told me all that, I stopped talking to her. Basically, she knew that this guy was wrong in so many ways but she had his child anyway. If a woman cannot make good judgment calls in regards to life changing decisions, that is an issue.
What are your thoughts on young single moms and the growing single mom dilemma? Would you date a single mom? Are you a single mom and have a tough time with dating? What are your thoughts?