Single moms?

Question

I am married now but when I was single.. I had a baby girl and and little boy. Every guy I tried dating would tell me at first that me having kids didn't bother them then once they saw all the work and stuff that actually comes with being a mother they told me that I have "too much on my plate" and they thought I needed some time to figure it out. WTF!? I think that if I needed time to figure things out I wouldn't be in the relationship. I never made any remarks about them having to a step dad type thing or anything like that.. My kids are MINE and I didn't need a man to help me be a mother.. but apparently that's what they thought. What do guys think of single mothers.. (besides thinking of them as just milfs)?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My reason is a bit different.

Last year my cousin was suddenly accused of molestation by my one cousin when she was little, her sis who is a lawyer told him he must buy her a car as an out-of-court settlement to have the charges dropped. So he did after he realized his legal cost will cost as much as the car, and the outcome will be not be certain. Since, it's her word against his. Other wealthy family members pressured him to settle to avoid damage to the family name. So this female cousin who only just started university and who had financial trouble quickly scored a car. No evidence, no court case, she just very conveniently manage to get a new car out of him.

My one friend, when he was at school, he dumped his grade 8 girlfriend, she got another boyfriend, got pregnant with him, and told her parents her ex (my friend) raped her, after almost a year of court cases she admitted that she lied to explain her sudden pregnancy, so the charges was dropped, This after his name at school was ruined, even years after that guys attacked him for being a rapist, he got attacked from other school kids, parents advised their children to stay away from him ext. all for no reason.

Once the one friend of my sis ask me when I was about 21 to took her 13 year old daughter to the movies while she had business to attend too, I agreed, but after 15 min during the movie she went to the bathroom, 15 min later she still haven’t returned. I went to look for her and found her crying in the ladies restroom, she was having some anxiety attack or something, unable to explain her position she went to the managers office. I was waiting outside very confused and worried about her. A while later a female manager came out, accused me of being a pedophile in font of everyone, “why are you following this young girl, if you don’t leave now I’m calling the police…” I was shocked, and everyone was staring at us, I said I’m waiting for her mother an I’m not leaving. She came out again and threaten me again in public in front of everyone.

Since then I have this rule, no body leave their children at my place unattended, no child are allowed to visit me without their parents presents, I chase children away who comes close to my place on their own. If I see a girl child who is lost in a shopping mall, I will not stop to help, I will look the other way and walk on to avoid the consequences when her mother see the strange man with her missing child. I will never date a woman with minor children especially girls. I said no to such relationships twice already. I saw girls, and how they act out when they don't accept a new male figure in their mother’s lives. The things I experienced was a wakeup call about how easily men get accused. It’s just too risky these days. It's only wise not to challenge fate. no single mommies for me, thank you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Should be putting their children first. It is as it should be.

however, choosing to have unprotected sex before marriage has its price.

the way it supposed to be, is a couple fall in love, and its just the 2 of them, romance and all.

he spoils the gal, she him, they put each other first. But when a guy is dating a woman with kids, he doesn't get her full attention as one would expect. Men and women don't expect to be the center of someone's universe forever, but we are all entitled to feel that "special" at least for a little time. But that won't happen when kids are involved. And for a guy who is not a father, to be denied that simple pleasure...well, there is a crude way to put it, but I'll keep it to myself.

lets just say that when you bring someone else s kids into the picture, you Do take something away from the relationship.

sadly a lot of women don't think about the consequences of unprotected sex until its too late.

I am 41, and still a virgin, and the only women that hit on me, have kids. and I hav e turned em all down. because I want to have her for myself. and I am not ready to share...yet.

mnb108 · Accepted Answer

My boyfriend was surprisingly accepting of my son, given he was already involved in my son's life anyways...but my son comes with us almost everywhere (we do eventually get alone time) and even when my son is screaming, he'll say, "I love you" & I'll ask if he's sure he wants this & wants kids& he replies, "I want the whole package..." & "Yes, I want kids...I always have". To be honest, I think you have to find just the right guy...I mean, I do only have one...but some guys are just...not capable of handling that...Don't take it personally.

All I used to have to say to a guy to get him to leave me alone is, "I have a baby" lol. It was nice, but then the guy I'm with (he said he's gonna propose before the end of the year) came along & I couldn't be happier!

You'll find the right one...don't listen to them..Those guys saying that you have too much on your plate etc, really means..."that looks like it'd be too much on my plate...I need some time to think about whether I want this or not." It's not you...they're just not ready.

Good luck girl! & More power to you for having 2! I can't imagine!

DyingAngel · Accepted Answer

I feel it is because to man men are just for lack of better term "childish" when it comes to relationships. I have dated guys that have kids and I really don't think it makes the relationship lack. If you are going out you might have a few extras along but who cares. If as a guy you feel a woman with children needs "some time to figure it out" you really need to think about the fact that she has had those children and is taking care of them and herself and has her life going where she wants it. Just because you are dating someone with kids doesn't mean they need or want you to step in a play daddy. She was taking care of her kids without you. You are her companion. It's just maturity. I use to say that bull about not dating with someone with kids, but hey life is short. And sometimes its just what is planned for you rather you realize it or not. it takes a caring, understanding  and mature individual to have a relationship with someone who is taking care of children and know they aren't going to be put above kids. Just my 2 bits, lol.

crzychristiangel · Accepted Answer

well I'm with a guy right now that seems to feel the same way.  He has no kids right now and said he isn't bothered by the fact that I have a little girl but he always wants to give me advice on how to raise her or tell me that I don't have enough time for him.  I told him he isn't here to replace my daughters non exsistant father and he is fine with that because I can do this on my own without him.  He always tells my daughter (she is 2 by the way) that she is so cute and he likes the time he spends with me and her I just don't think he understands we are a package deal and she comes before him becasuse she is a full time job.  Sorry but if you don't have kids and can't handle being put second then don't get involved.  He tells me all the time that I need "me" time or "us" time and I tell him it's hard to get that with a child but it would be nice.  I don't think he truly understands how much work a child is and never will but you know what if you don't like it you don't have to date me!

ivan5252 · Answer

although I agree either slightly or greatly with all these other comments, id just like to add my 2 cents..

that is, I'm one of those guys that told myself I would not date a single mom.. my reason was because I'd be looking for a relationship and (like the other guys added..) I would feel like I'd have to fill many roles, not just "the bf".. and a lot of times when I'd find out, I'd immediately lose interest..

but then I met this one girl, whom I became good friends with.. and not only did she have a 2 year old, she even smoked (another reason I told myself I wouldn't date a girl !) but.. I kinda fell for this girl a bit.. and she did too.. and I really liked her daughter, and she liked me.. although the father had the daughter sometimes, was completely out of the picture with anyone the mom met.. long story short we're just great friends now, and she's dating someone else.. but.. something could've happened I think if I would've pushed things a bit more.. I don't mind at all though, she's still a close friend, and.. well.. just thought id share that..

Simple-Simonette · Answer

I was a single mother as well before marriage.

It's funny how men assume that single mothers looked for men to fill a parenting/spouse role that in my reality I didn't need nor want. I enjoyed the control I had and did not want someone else intruding on the goals set for myself as a parent. As a mother I was uber protective - I didn't introduce my daughter to anyone I dated. In fact the only man that had ever met my daughter during the 5 years we were on our own was my husband. I felt no shame - I never hid the fact that I was a mother. If it turned men off to dating me - that's life.

I think the assumption is there mostly because most people without children cannot imagine raising one alone. They feel that if it were as difficult as it seemed, a woman would grab the first opportunity available to make it easier. There is also a negativity attached to having a child solo - we don't even need to get into the assumptions made here - so most people think that a single mother would want to change that as soon as possible. Sometimes that is true, in my case it wasn't.

I don't hold it against a guy, not wanting a relationship with a single mother. I wouldn't want a relationship with a man like that anyway. I remember being just plain single and the most important thing to me was ME. I was exactly that way until I became a mother myself.

Anonymous · Answer

Here is the truth for you the way I see it and experienced it when I dated a single mother of two. First off there is a sense that you are nothing more than a distraction unless you take on a role of a step dad and that by the time you are ready to be in "couple mode" she needs to recover from being a mother a bit which is understandable yet pretty much means that beyond an hour or two a night she does not have time to be a gf. Then there is a sense that she needs an assistant to aid her financially and that you are being judged as a would be step dad even if you are not. Then when you do intervene in an assistant's role you sense that you are more an employee than an equal and have no right to set limits anywhere or at anytime even when reasonable and even when she does so herself in the ver same way. And then there is the constant melodrama that comes with being a parent which is great when you are one but not when you are an outsider. If the ex is in the picture you are being diplomatic all the time and for what exactly in terms of what you are getting out of being her bf. Everything is scheduled and thus the fun of being spontaneous at times is virtually impossible and if is not a parent then he must ask himself  "What am I getting out of this ?" which is not meant to be rude or inconsiderate so much as it is a question she might have asked herself if he was a parent and she was not. Having chosen to be a parent is a great thing but being a milf is the most one can offer when the children are young. I suggest you need to realize that all mothers understandably seek emotional and $ providers and a bit of fun but that is a marriage like dynamic and NOT a dating dynamic per say. Dating older men with the desire to have a family someday or fathers might make them more comprehensive but even then in most cases its too complicated to just keep it simple. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself how you would feel and that might clear things up.

Professor_Zoom · Answer

For me, I don't date women with children. That is a general rule. I may break it depending on the woman. It doesn't matter if you make any comments about the men you was with having to be a step dad. That is a given. If you are going to be with a woman with kids, you have to accept those kids into your life just as much as you accept the mother. They are a package deal, and the things you do will have an impact on them. So as a single man going into a relationship with a single mother, if you aren't ready for that responsability, then you shouldn't be getting involved with a single mother.

Anonymous · Answer

Any guy who doesn't have there own kids and tells you there fine with it. Is lying, end of story.  Why would any young guy want to put themselves in that. I think the only case for this is if they really like  and this won't be the case if your just meeting them. Regardless of what you say if you would of gotten serious with one of them. Your kids would of been part of there life. Yea guys won't care if its casual because then it really won't matter. Its very difficult to date and be a young single mom.Because most guys haven't experienced that yet.

itzzxhypnotik · Answer

when my boyfriend was in high school he was really into this girl but he never got the chance to be with here. after HS she got married and had 2 kids...about a year or 2 ago she seperated from her husband and my boyfriend got his chance with her (this was before I met him obviously) and so he got his chance and they had sex and she wanted more...he thought about it...but one of his friends told him "i know you have feelings for her but its not just her you'd have to be apart of but also her kids" this didn't mean he would have to take care of her kids by any means (she did that he self). but once he thought about it that was a lot on his plate...a girlfriend plus 2 kids. not that he would have to put on the role of a step dad but dating someone with kids mean there are a lot of sacrifises you must make. some guys are all for that...other guys however, are not all for that. just depends on the guy I'd say.

martyfellow · Answer

Most guys think single moms are too harried and partnering with them will be too much work.

As you say, they are often wrong, but that's what they think. I was briefly a single dad and the womaen pretty much thought the same way about me if that's any consolation.

Anonymous · Answer

Single mothers just want a daddy to raise their kids, until they can divorce their sorry asses and the dads have to pay for kids that are not of their own flesh and blood. Also, they have to pay alimony and child support. Imagine having to pay child support for some other guy's child!

BlackSuperman · Answer

single moms are great- I was rasied by one... lots of em are MILFS (and that's great too).. I'd think that guys (for the most part) aren't bothered by that if they are ready and willing to put in the time and effort. Otherwise, they just aren't gonna be there in the long run.

Anonymous · Answer

for all these ass holes,i hope they end up single dads! lol...and feel luck because your married in love now...and that's why us girls get married.im going through a divorce now and 23 years old I have 3 boys...i really want love...can I ask you if you new hubby has kids because that's whAt I run into?

katiesmuff · Answer

I don't know where these so called men are from that you were dating, but they are a long way from being a MAN. I think in the case of these guys your very last statement was pretty accurate.

doyoudare · Answer

I don't know what country everyone else here is from but from my experience men do date women with kids. Even so my mom married someone 14 years her senior and I thus inherited two step sisters twice my age. At the end of the day...WHO CARES?

Perhaps its that some men can't get over the fact that if its not their offspring then ..." " exactly...nothing...cant even comprehend it...yet are any of these men with anyone? I would think not

"

Anonymous · Answer

Its a package deal, have to establish and maintain relationships with everyone,  can't do a lot of things , less freedom..etc.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry, but I refuse to date a single mom unless if I'm a single dad.

flammabledude · Answer

to be bluntly honest.. I wouldn't date a single mother. Too many problems right there.

chiefnavarro · Answer

uhh I wouldn't date a single mother. I just feel I can do better.

Single moms?

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