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First, I need to say I love this woman, deeply. I have always felt we would one day be together. Through the years we just never could manage to be on the same page. She would always come back to me though. The last time I walked away, I was gone a year before she reached out and asked if I was interested in giving it one last shot.

She promised me things would be different this time. Her career was on a good trajectory, she had no worry about me being a "rebound", as she had been single for some time. Now she was in a place where the career was going well, but private life was suffering due to work. She seemed to be level headed. I spent a week or so mulling it over and when I accepted, she had very clear things she wanted to set to make it work this time.

She asked me to be exclusive. That we had to focus on communication, as we both tend to overthink things, and we needed to spend quality time together that was not just nights here and there. Fewer dates, more long weekend trips where we could get to know each other deeper.

It was going well to start. Had some of the best times of my life. But then her career has taken a bad turn. It is a family business, so the problem is two fold. Job and family relationship is about to implode.

Meanwhile she is abroad for the past month working at that branch (she does about 4 months a year there). She is certain everything will be over once she returns in a few weeks. She no longer talks about "us", every phone conversation we have now is about this drama. No plans for seeing me when she gets back. Sometimes it feels like she is only calling me to keep me from disappearing. I mentioned the idea of putting a hold on all of it until this blows over and she kind of freaked out. Needless to say I retracted that and she was better.

I feel so selfish right now. I would fight if I felt it had a chance of surviving.. but I can't tell. I can't see it clearly.