Search Results: forgive me anger

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Throughout this time, i've caught him cheating on me multiple times. Still, I stayed with him and forgave his behavior. I blamed a lot of it on his alcoholism and dysfunctional family life. He would go through periods of bouts of anger, then depression, then very happy and wanting to do anything to make everyone around him happy. Anyway, 1 1/2 years ago he was sentenced to up to 4 years in prison for an assault (he was drunk and knocked a man out in one hit when he caught him looking through his car). My boyfriend then freaked out and ran off because he has a previous felony (nonviolent) from when he was a teenager. Anyway I promised to stick with him because I love him- he was very depressed before he left because the last time he went to jail his girlfriend at the time (they were together 4 years) cheated on him soon after and started dating even though he got out 3 months later. So he expected me to leave him especially with the sentence that he was given.. Well, he will be finding out in a few months if he will be eligible for early release- this year or next year. And well, I dont have any excuses , yes I was lonely, drunk/high on weed, emotionally unstable (i have clinical depression, adhd, anxiety) but I know none of that stuff is an excuse.. I know the real issue in my promiscuity is one regarding my self esteem/ self worth & wanting people to like me since I was always very shy/awkward and was an ugly duckling who got picked on a lot and didn't know how to deal with all the sudden attention men gave me as well as my first sexual encounter being forceful, ever since then I tend to give in when pressured. I've cheated on him a few times now & I feel disgusted with myself, especially since it hasn't happened just once or with one person. I love him very much & have done a lot for him as far as support emotiobally/mentally, financially, & even risked doing some crazy things to people tha