Search Results: at a table by myself

Ok, so this girl I barely know but adore, my brothers friend, came over to my open house party. I was downstairs with my brother with the party up top. And she came in with her friend and I glanced at her and looked away and didn't speak or greet her she went upstairs.. Then when I came up she was on the couch and I went to sit by myself at the table and her one friend came in and came over to hang with me and so did 2 of her other friends, and then she slowly came over and sat in the only spot left next to me. I got nervous, she wouldn't look at anyone and she didn't speak, then we went for a smoke with 3 others and she was laughing and looking at me with big smiles and I her, then we went upstairs again and I returned to the table and she sat on the couch, she glanced back at me a few times over a short period smiling. Then I started moving around the house a lot, and tried to go down the stairs once, but her friend was blocking me while talking to her, and I don't know her friend so I said oh your names Natalie? And my crush started cracking up she almost fell (and snorted?) lol, cute. Then I came back from smoking and went upstairs to wash my hands, when I came down she looked right at me, smiling and asked if she could "do my makeup" I didn't know what to say and my friend interrupted so then I just kinda laughed and walked away and sat on the couch and her chair was right behind the couch (back to back). Then I think I said something funny or something? I forget. But she turned around, looked right at me, smiling, laughing, and smacking the back of my chair? And I was smiling and glancing in and out of her eyes. Then nothin was really happening so I grabbed a talking Santa and put it up to her and pressed the button and she turned around and laughed and smiled and said "YOU SCARED ME! Wait do it again" as she recorded it on her phone.

I was in the zone, well almost until I did it again and I lost control
This head, oh Lord, My God so dense, My heart so cold
This shit gets old and I want to explode
Everytime I'm on the cusp of gaining my soul
in spite of the world, my dreams are shattered and my heart gets broke
Right before my eyes, God I hate this life
I'm sick of losing, I'm sick of women
I would rather be abstinent then to go all in again
on the brink of insanity, I'm beyond crazy, Hell doesn't have shit on me
or the thoughts I think



Oh God this head, oh Lord so dead, my heart so cold
No remorse exists here anymore
Evil is victoriuous all too often when good men sit idly by and do nothing
I refuse to except the fact that I give a shit
Here I am playing victim when I too have sinned
Disappointing myself once again
God the demon I have must be different
Cause it doesn't just hate you it hates Satan
But in the end all this is is just useless information
Because the road to hell is paved with good intentions

What's it gonna do to get rid of the Satanists that control our government
and all the top tier law firms and coorpoarations, what's it gonna do to the social darwinists
thata run the UN and council and foriegn relations or the Bilderberg group, the G-7 Summit?
or the Social engineers playin chess with the nations?
Fuck them they made it personal when they took my kids they fucked with the wrong man
I'll write a book that would make Saddam wet,
Like Mein Kampf I'll get the Peasents all riled up
Put a war on the table and watch your world blow up
take this you made and shove it in your faces
smile at you all when you choke up
I've been blown up beat to a pulp
shot and stabbed why would I listen to your shill pundits blab



You break up families
Destroy traditions
Take away how men and women and races should be relatin
peaceful mature respectful and descent
instead y'all got them confused with this politial correctness
it supersedes logic and all common sense
you thugs don't even know what love is
so you try to erase the concept and redefine it
so it fits your paradigms
to achieve your agendas
As y'all play God - you hate life probably more than you get the bulk of us to
In nothing and having nothing I can find peace, its what I must learn and do
on my knees I pray to God for mercy on my soul and Justice for the world
While thugs at the bottom, corrupt lawyers and judges, politicians, lobbyists, billionaires, shill journalists, and bankers plot destruction
and plead with the devil for diamonds silver and gold
then fight over eachother for pleasure power and control.

Vegence is mine sayeth the lord, but he also says eye for an eye and don't be a fool
I fear nothing but the Lord.
I'm beginning to feel nothing but contempt for the world.
I don't understand your soveriegnty or free will.
Why did you make us God?
Why and what for? To what end what purpose?
How should I then live on this earth?
How do I learn to live with myself after I've caused so much hurt?
What punishments await me, is Jesus really so forgiving?
Are these questions worth asking or should I go ask a theoritetical physicists who works at CERN?