Search Results: feelings without knowing her

I am a virgin and never dated, though i'm 20. long story doesn't really matter now. Anyhow i became acquainted with Toby 23 months ago. He asked me out but at the time i thought that meant sex i didn't realize you could just date and get to know each other, so i said no. We have spent a lot of time together bc of mutual friends. We have ended up around each other a lot and shared some personal moments before things got weird. After it became awkward i figured its bc he has feelings for me, OR bc he realizes i have feelings for him and is uncomfortable. I have not been able to talk about my interest bc my feelings are stronger than i want, and i was hoping they'd die down a bit then id ask him out casually. Im pretty much in love, i don' treally care about the precise definition, i just know id feel his absence profoundly and i can't befriends bc i am self conscious about how i feel. I guess if i thought he was ok with my feelings i could befriends but i might not like it.

Anyhow bc of how i feel i reject other guys but i have not done a thing about Toby. and i realize im stuck. I did not mean to halt anything but thats happened. I don't think id feel comfortable dating knowing how i feel knowing it might bother him, bc id feel pressured to hide or id be at the mercy of how he 'might' feel. i want to be in an honest situation esp since its my first experience. So, i will either just date other people, OR tell him how i feel and see if he wants to date. I don't really care about rejection bc i think it'd be better than this. I just know once i tell him ill most likely feel silly but not bc of rejection , but bc love is awkward. I think id feel worse dating others without him even knowing, bc if he did want me hed just feel like i dont care.

I have met people who know they will marry without even having met anyone they want to marry... Which i am surprised by.

I wonder, would anyone just marry regardless of their feelings? (Kind of like you know you will go to university before knowing which, and you can end up going to one you do not want.)

I guess its not that out there, I mean arranged marriages are basically that way. Though its different if you had loved and wanted to marry for love, and end up with like or tolerate.

I suppose all or most of the people who did not marry COULD have, just not necessarily anyone they want.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts :-)