Search Results: when the honeymoon phase is over

If you said that you have never gotten angry at a partner, you've either never had a partner or it's a brand new experience for you. If you are in a relationship long enough to get past the honeymoon phase, you will experience conflicts and anger. It's inevitable. The test of a good relationship is not WHETHER you have conflicts but HOW you resolve them.

Sometimes, couples argue about silly things: "Why did you move the cheese?" or "Why do you always leave the lid up on the toilet?" That usually means there is a larger issue that is not being addressed and the anger is coming out "sideways" but sometimes, your partner may have just had a bad day at the office and the least little aggravation can set them off at home.

When arguments happen near bedtime, it isn't always possible to get it resolved before going to sleep. When I get in bed with my girlfriend and the harsh feelings are still on the surface, she will usually lie on her side, facing away from me. I move over so I am behind her, spooned with her, I put my arm around her, and I whisper in her ear, "Even when I'm angry, I still love you and I'm glad you're in my life. We'll get this resolved tomorrow morning, we'll still be in love with each other, and we'll have a better day. I love you. Goodnight."

The purpose of saying this is not to sweep the conflict under the rug. If it is a significant issue, it needs to be addressed. But I know that my girlfriend has a bit of insecurity and she panics when we have a conflict. She thinks that we are going to break up and she starts -internally - to freak out about being alone, moving out, etc. I want to put her fears to rest and make her feel better so she can go to sleep. Every time this happens, it helps her to feel more secure about us, and that makes me feel good.

Have you ever done this?