Getting your heart broken isn't easy but it's something we all have to go through at least once in our lives. When we get in a relationship, we know that the breakup might happen and is most likely to, even when get too carried away by the honeymoon phase of the relationship and all the butterflies it gives you, deep down, you know it might end.
Now the question is: what do we do once it happens ?
Having been through 3 hard breakups and having researched on the subject, I decided to make a list that worked for me hoping that it might hope some of you.
1) Accept that things are over for good.
When you're in a relationship with someone, you tend to idealize the person and therefore when you breakup, you tend have the subconscious hope that you still have a chance together, that destiny might get you back together because you think the person is perfect for you.
What you need to do is stop seeing the person as perfect, accept that things are over with that person and realize that as cliché as it sounds, there really are plenty of fish in the sea.
No one and nothing is perfect, your ex isn't and your relationship wasn't either. There will always be someone smarter, nice etc. so you have to ditch the "rose colored glasses" so that you can see the red flags and accept that it's over.
2) Cry it out.
Once you accept that things are over, you're going to be sad. You can't avoid it unless you're a sociopath or didn't care about the person and in both those cases, you probably don't even need to move on.
The best way of getting rid of an emotion is not suppressing it but letting it out. So let it out. Cry as much as you need to. It's like the grieving process except no one died but your relationship did.
You will most likely feel better, talk it out as well if you need to, to your friend, write on your journal or your laptop. But just embrace your sadness and let it out.
3) Find the motivation to get over the break up
You can obviously cry it out and it's helpful but even though it will probably last more than a day (which is what the the illustration showcases), it eventually has to end.
You can't be sad forever.
People tend to tell you to "move on" like it's easy to do but truth is that it's not.
What I do is watch movies and listen to music that will help me find the strength to get out of bed and to really start the move on process.
Now there are several sad movies and songs about love but those are for the "cry it out" step. In this step you need movies that give you hope, motivation and inspiration.
Suggestions:
One the movies that give me the most hope is "Amélie", you can also try less artsy movies like "Pride and Prejudice", "Vicky Christina Barcelona", "Crazy Stupid Love", "Legally Blonde", "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and there are many more movies.
For songs, you can go for classics like " Cry me a river" by Julie London or songs like " Irreplaceable by Beyonce, "Tears dry on their own" by Amy Winehouse, "Too good for you" by Drake, "shut up and let me go" by the Ting tings "Saved" by Khalid, "New rules" by Dua Lipa
If you have any to suggest don't hesitate to give some in your opinions !
4) With a new relationship status comes a new life
Just like your life changes when you're in a relationship, it does when you breakup.
As the moving on process begins, you need to focus on finding out who the "new you" is.
When you're in a relationship, you have habits you did together, hobbies together, mutual friends... maybe you evolved as a person when you were dating.
Well now it's time to find yourself again. To focus on yourself as you will have more time on your hands.
It's time to try new things, to meet new people, to make new memories, to learn new things. Your new life begins and you have to make the best of it. Travel if you can, get away from your comfort zone, it can really help.
"Fun" thing you can do:
You know that thing or the several things your ex NEVER wanted to try or to do with you ? It's your chance to them and you can finally enjoy them. And trust me just for the satisfaction of finally being able to do it, you will REALLY enjoy it.
6) Don't do anything impulsive though
Trying new things is good but don't do anything you might regret later because of impulsivity, a rush of adrenaline or too much new found motivation.
Don't shave your head, sleep around with everyone you know (or don't know), don't do things that might have bad consequences.
I would advise you to talk about the new things you want to try to your friends before you actually do them or to just think about it like at least twice, before messing up.
7) When you're ready, get back on the dating scene
When you've found yourself and you're more or less healed then it's a great thing to start dating again.
So go out at your local bar, get on a dating app, go get drinks with your friends...get back on the dating scene.
It's really important to wait a certain amount of time before you rush in a relationship or even in a quick fling because in a rebound relationship, the rebound person gets hurt and if you're not ready emotionally, you might regret what you do later.
But when you feel ready, and you will know when you're ready, have fun !
I hope this helped you or will help you, wish you all the very best. If you need anything, like a person to talk to or something, don't hesitate to PM me.
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