Greetings fellow G@Gers! Allow me to present you with a few ideas on how NOT to get over a breakup. And yeah, you are probably thinking: what does a seventeen-year-old girl know about breakups? I understand your doubt. To be honest with you, I do not have a lot of experience with breakups. I have just experienced one, and it was bad. Even though I have zero experience, my healing process was longer than you can expect, and hopefully, I can provide you with some insightful ideas on making the aftermath of the breakup even smoother because I sure did not make it smooth for myself.
So let`s dive right in, shall we?
1. Keep all your feelings inside.
I am very stubborn, and I convinced myself that I would get over the breakup easier if I never cried. So. Wrong. I found it even harder to get over it when I kept it all inside. I was also in a sort of dilemma since my parents basically despised his ass. They were so relieved I was done with him, and I had to pretend I was over it as well, so they could move on and leave me alone.
There are still days where I feel a good cry will do the trick. I just can`t, because it is simply too late. I am sure you all know and understand what I mean.
2. Feel like you can` t be blamed if you put all the blame on yourself.
This one is tricky. I am sure some of you feel some kind of guilt after a breakup, even if you were the one who did the breaking up. Perhaps you feel SO guilty that you want a clear conscience, and put all the blame on yourself and start making excuses for your ex. This is not okay. Not only is it self-torture; it`s as false as it can get (since it usually takes two to tango), and it just makes everything worse. And let me tell you this: it will not clear your conscience. At all.
3. Start regretting things you did or said in the relationship/during the breakup.
Regret is going to be your worst enemy because it keeps you from moving on. Trust me, no matter how awful those things you did/said were, it`s in the past. It`s over. There is nothing to be done about it even if you wanted to change it. It`s easier to accept that it is over rather than to go over all the things you did wrong.
Did you forget to buy the lemons at the grocery store? Fine, don`t kill yourself for it. Just buy them on the next shopping trip.
4. Imagine how the relationship would be if things were different.
I am very guilty of this one. I was constantly imagining what the relationship could have been if I/he did not mess up. This fucks you up. Simply put. It is very unhealthy because it creates a false reality. If the relationship went down because of a specific issue, little to nothing could make the relationship work anyway. Come back to reality and do not realize how the relationship could have been, but how it turned out, and learn from it.
Do not realize how the relationship could have been, but how it turned out
5. Get crazy drunk and sleep with lots of people.
Being drunk is a temporary state. There is always a time after the alcohol, parties and women/men. You will have that time for yourself when it really gets to you. These are the times when it gets bad. Instead, you should allow yourself in advance to heal, then you can celebrate when you found your happiness again.
6. Compare your ex to new people.
I know this one is a classic. It`s hard to avoid as well. If you miss your ex, it should only be natural that you wish your future SOs to possess the same qualities as your previous love. It doesn`t make it any more helpful, though, because you will come to realize in time that nobody is like them (probably in a positive way).
7. Get really angry at them.
This one is actually a very significant point. When you break up with someone, the negative feelings almost always disappear after a while. Therefore, it can be wise to respect the power of words and select them with caution. Someday, you might meet them again. Yikes.
---- These are the most important ones I can think of at the moment! Let me know if you have anything to add that might help someone get over a difficult breakup. Thanks for reading!