Search Results: guilty over break up

Backstory-While I was away at college a semi feral cat had 2 kittens under the abandoned house next to mine. My mother fed them, and she brought her kittens over. My mother decided that when the kittens were weaned she was going to take them to the no kill shelter and spay the mom and let her stay outside. Until then, she put a barrier next the fence so the kittens couldn't get too close to the fence. But we all got attached, so we waited a few weeks. I came home for break, and I told my boyfriend we had to stop it before we got too attached. And we were going to take them this Friday to the shelter.

Christmas was amazing, I spent quality time with my boyfriend, ate good food, and was forutnate enough to get gifts. Everything was going great. And then the morning after Christmas my mom, sister, and I go to leave and I'm petting a gray kitten which I think is Ash. I'm fawning over her and call her by her name. But they say, that's not her, it's her brother (they look almost 100% identical) And I get worried, she's so friendly, what if children picked her up. I call her name and take a few steps to look for her. I was so worried. Then my mom tells me "she's dead, she died", and I tell them it's not funny to joke like that. But my mom insists, they found her in our back yard, she must have jumped over the barrier and gotten over the fence somehow. I got really attached in the short time I was home.

And I cried all day.

My boyfriend was supportive and helped me. But I feel like this is the worst way to end the year, and maybe this is a lesson. I was so happy with the presents, maybe I lost sight that in the end, there are more important things to worry about and people die everyday. I felt guilty in someway for her death, and I tried to see the lesson.

This was more of an opening up than anything, I've been getting really emotional lately, and I know a lot of it has to do with the birth control I'm on, but the emotions are still real and felt all the same.

And I really hate the dog now even though that's just her nature.