I broke up with my boyfriend over his beard (and some other reasons) but now I feel guilty?

Question

We dated for 5 months. Im 19, he 21. Honestly I didn't ask him to shave it off! I wanted him to clean it up; clip the fly aways, give it some shape, and make it nice at his cheek bones. He's very handsome but this beard is so wild and untamed that it takes away from his features. I tried telling him this but he 100% will not touch it. It was much shorter when I met him so it didn't bother me but now its to crazy looking. He said he only shaves once a year for a hockey team... I don't ask for much but he told me he would never clean up his beard. I can't help that I'm not attracted to it. Its a little embarrasing and even my grandma asked if I was dating a terrorist. He's so stubborn and basically said it was his way or the highway. If he can't compromise on this with me that makes me think he won't ever compromise with me on anything. I just feel guilty because he was such a great guy, our personalities were different but we worked and I know he was crazy about me but he still chose the beard.

Esplorare · Accepted Answer

You should feel guilty. That's a stupid reason to leave a man. -_-
You can't just give someone an ultimatum and try to force them into doing what you want. It's messed up to try and manipulate someone with a break-up. However, I do understand your frustration. He could have been willing to at least shave it more often or something.

It's a tricky situation. I can kinda see where you're coming from because thick beards gross me out. I don't like the way they look and they seem unhygienic unless the guy shampoos it regularly. I imagine food falling into his beard while we're out eating which makes me cringe if he has something with sauce. But at the same time, I feel like if you find someone whom you truly love and care about, you should never leave their side over something like that.

EasyForYouToSay · Accepted Answer

I think it's a bit unfair that people are saying this means you didn't really love him. It's a beard, you didn't ask him to cut off his hand. Especially since you only asked him to clean it up, not shave it off.
Honestly, I asked my boyfriend to shave, because the stubble he had was giving me rashes on my cheeks and... other places. He happily complied, because my happiness and comfort was more important than facial hair. Your ex sounds like he was being pretty unreasonable, and I think you did the right thing. If it was a make or break issue, then it either has to change or you two couldn't be together.

Cmasterson · Accepted Answer

Well it does sound silly, however it wasn't solely about the beard it was him not willing to compromise so it makes you feel that he may be stubborn about other things like this, then it again it's his own appearance... BUT you did meet him and initially fell for him when he looked different than he does today and maybe he's not understanding that you'd just appreciate it if he cleaned it- you're not asking him to shave it off.

Mysterio421 · Accepted Answer

You broke up with him over a beard? That's the zero tolerance policy that I have. I keep telling you women that you CAN'T change a man. Frankly, nagging men and trying to change them gets annoying. It only makes the situation worse. Then you complian about him. Well, your the problem and I am glad he doesn't have to deal with that.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

How would you feel if a guy wanted you to shave your pussy but you preferred not to then he dumped you over it, it's a bit different I know but it shows how shallow it is. The guy might not know it, but he's really better off without you.

mutedaisy · Answer

This is a hairy situation

Kira88 · Answer

I would never stay in a relationship with someone who told me to change something about my appearance. It's shows immaturity and that your wants are more important than him being himself. Don't worry he'll move on with someone who supports him and then when he wants to he'll shave. Then at one point in the future a guy will comment on your clothes or weight and you'll know how it feels. Don't feel guilty you saved him from being miserable with someone shallow.

FakeName123 · Answer

Aside from me agreeing with @Toad-1 it sounds like there is an important lack of communication at least from your side, potentially from both.

Have you ever talked about him calmly, asked why he keeps the beard and why you potentially dislike it, etc? Because it sounds like it's not only him being stubborn, but you as well.

Toad-1 · Answer

imagine if a guy said these things to you

"if don't put your hair in the way i like it ill break up"

"if you don't remove that tattoo, ill break up"

" If you don't get those ear piercings ill break up"

those things would be shitty if a guy told you that huh? thats how he feels. you messed up

Krillanr · Answer

You're both a bit ridiculous.

He's ridiculously attached to his beard, though I suspect it's superstition for his team.

You're ridiculous for assigning meaning to non existent situations. (He won't compromise on his beard so it means he won't compromise on ____.)

Each situation holds a different priority, I won't compromise on which teriyaki sauce I like the most, but I will compromise on where I live if the conditions decline too much. Don't jump to conclusions.

Bobba_Fett · Answer

Sounds a lot like the beard was the symptom and his unwillingness to compromise is the real poop. Just cause you're both good people doesn't mean you'll work. Also it's not a lot to ask for anyone to keep all their pubes trim and neat.

sailorjupiter · Answer

break up just because his beard? seriously? are you really a 19 years old girl?
it's such an immature reason to break up with someone, love people the way they are, not try to change everything they are..

little_bird1 · Answer

Lol why break up? Just tell him you're not gonna kiss him anymore. And tell him that since his beard doesn't feel good when he is down on you, that you're not gonna go down on his either anymore. He will shave it! :D

Anonymous · Answer

I think you are wrong about this... you should love him the way he is, he probably felt like you just wanted the looks and all. If he told you shave your eyebrows or make them thinner would you do it for him? No Coz we love our eyebrows as much as they like their beard

Dansexuall · Answer

Such a great guy but because he didn't want yo look how you wanted him to look, you dumped him lol. You are what we call a shallow, superficial bitch, and you're grandma's a dick too.  Cheers

abzence · Answer

This reminds me of the saying from Albert Einstein: “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

Thatweirdone_ · Answer

It's his look damn let him have some originality before you change everything about the man  If anyone should compromise it should have been yiu and left his look alone

oldanddecrepid · Answer

If he chose the beard over you, then he obviously was not that into you.

whitespider10 · Answer

being a young and stupid must be fun for you, breaking up with a guy over a beard i'm lost for words

Ihav2fart · Answer

You're crazy... @rthomas43 was a legendary stud once.. he shaved and there was a hard fall from grace...  Now he's one of us...

RedRobin · Answer

That wasn't compromising … you were telling him it was your way or the highway

Anonymous · Answer

Where's the compromise? Usually a compromise is you do something in return for him

GirlsLie · Answer

Sounds like you're both a little wacko to me lol

DooKan · Answer

you are on your way to becoming a great narcissist

scgurl2016 · Answer

Ultimatums are never good in a relationship

I broke up with my boyfriend over his beard (and some other reasons) but now I feel guilty?

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