Search Results: reasons for being gay

If you do, what is it about feminism that speaks to you? And who are the feminists who you've read or admire?

If not, why not? What have you hears about feminism from media or other sources that makes you not want to identify with it.

As Susan Faludi wrong in "Backlash", ever since feminism hit the mainstream media in the early 1970s, there has been a concerted effort to malign and ridicule it as a legitimate human rights and civil rights movement. The woman-hating media has succeeding in teaching a whole new generation that we don't need feminist activism or feminist values.

Since the backlash by mass media, by corporate white male supremacist media, many girls and women, as well as boys and men, have disidentified with feminism, thinking of it as something negative rather than positive. The media's impact has been enormous, as has the preponderance of anti-woman industries like pornography, which teaches all who consume it that "women exist to meet men's sexual needs" (regardless of how harmful or degrading those "needs" are).

There is more sexual slavery of women and children on Earth now than ever before. And men, mostly white men, are the "consumers", the purchasers, and the profiteers.

Sexual abuse and woman-hating terms for women abound. Terms like "b*tch" and "sl*t" are commonly uses against women and girls by men and boys, as if this is ok, normal, and appropriate. It is normal, but that doesn't make it good.

Here is a working definition: "Feminism is a movement towards women being seen and treated as deserving of full human rights. Feminism opposes interpersonal behavior and institutional practices and values that disrespect women and treat women as inferior to men. Feminism is a practice of valuing women as equal to men. Feminism seeks to end rape and racism because rape and racism hurt and degrade women as a class of people, and as individuals."

There are plenty of anti-racism movements in the U.S., that historically do not respect women as equals and welcome women as leaders equal in numbers to the leaders who are men. The Black Power Movement is one. And the Nation of Islam in the U.S. is another.

There are plenty of progressive movements that do not respect women that are white-led. Historically, the anti-war and peace movements tended to hold men in positions of leadership. So too environmental movements. So too "same-sex rights" movements, which also tend to be very racist in ignoring the specific conditions lesbian women of color experience that white gay men do not.

For all these reasons, feminist movements that centralise the experiences of women of color, of lesbian women, and of poor and other disenfranchised women, is especially important.

See Andrea Smith's book, "Conquest: Sexual Violence and American Indian Genocide", as well as Patricia Hill Collins' book, "Black Sexual Politics" for excellent examples of feminist writing and analysis.

I'm going to start off by saying that I'm a very attractive guy. I'm totally comfortable going up to total strangers and opening up a conversation; especially girls.

Recently though, a couple of my girl friends (not "girlfriends"; just girls who are my friends) have asked me why I don't approach or start a conversation with cute girls when we're out at a bar or club or even cafe's and other events like book festivals, movie festivals, art shows and galleries, etc.

Me: I just don't feel any desire to

Her: But she's cute

Me: So?

Her: So don't you want to go talk to her?

Me: Why? Because she's cute?

Her: Yeah

Me: No

Her: Are you gay?

Me: Just because I don't feel motivated to go talk to a girl on the basis that she looks cute, doesn't make me gay

Her: Then what is it?

Me: She just hasn't given me a reason to want to go talk to her

Her: What are you talking about? Do you have any idea how much effort and time she's put in to looking like that?

Me: That's exactly the kind of girl I DON'T want to talk to

Her: Why?

Me: Because she's showing me that she feels a sense of entitlement based on her looks. That she feels that because she's spent all this time to "look" good, that I should notice her and feel motivated to go talk to her.

Her: Fine, what would you rather have her do?

Me: I don't know. Something that shows me her character. Like if I overhear her say something funny with her friends, it lets me know more about HER than her looking cute does. If she says something smart, or does something awesome or interesting, I'll feel motivated to go over and join in, or want to get to know her better.

After that conversation, I'm just really curious how girls imagine the whole thing unfolding.

Do girls feel that they're going to get dressed up and guys will just naturally want to walk up to them and talk to them? I mean, yeah, sure. Guys who aren't attractive and just looking to validate their ego & self-esteem, or just looking for sex have plenty of motivation from just seeing someone cute, to walk over and start talking. But I'm talking about more than that. Do girls honestly think that a guy that's looking for something more is going to be motivated at all just by the way she looks?

What do you honestly expect to happen? For him to come over and say? Wow! You look cute! Based on how you look, I can tell that I really want to get to know you better! Is anyone sitting here? Can I get you a drink? This totally doesn't seem like I'm just trying to get into your pants.

Unless they're not really looking for anything more than that. Are most girls at bars and clubs just looking for male attention? Are they just looking to feel good about themselves and validate their low self-esteem, comfort their insecurities and boost their ego?

That seems to be the only explanation which reconciles their behavior.

Girls, what say you?