Search Results: how to get over a long term relationship

I know y'all have rose this rollercoster of a relationship with us, but can someone give me hope. I used to think i’d be fine without him, but last night he almost left and it really hit me how much i’d miss him.

We began dating April 2017. ldr, but we spent a day together at the theme park (no wonder our relationship is a rollercoaster) in July. We were so into eachother in April but i started doubting us in May when he couldnt keep his word on our meeting date. Anyways, once we met, we fell super hard again because i was so close to breaking up the week before. The date helped us get through Aug/Sept. However, jealousy kicked in Oct and it was the worst month ever. I had suicidal thoughts and all. Nov/Dec werent bad too. He ruined our 1st Christmas.

Then we met for 5 days January and it helped bring us back up. I fell super hard for him all over again, but messed up and told him Oct caused me to fall out of love a bit. He took it hard and even tho i told him i was building back up, by time i fell back in love this March, he told me April, he no longer loved me like he used to. That really hurt because i do EVERYTHING for this dude. Now we’re at a standstill. We talked over everything yesterday. He doesn't want kids til much later cause he wants just “us” time come next year. I want kids like 2020 at the latest. I figured maybe we shouldn't talk about it til honeymoon night. I told him im gettng pregnant but then he got mad and said that can't happen that soon. I know we’re all over the place.

I ain desperate cuz i know i can get dudes, bt none are him. I hate that he gamed too much back then, bt in terms of other factors, he's a rare gem. I left an “almost bf” to be with him because he promised me the things the other guy wouldn't give. He promised me commitment/marriage/kids/waiting til marriage. he's lived up to 2 of them and he claims the marriage will come next year. But now he wants to push kids back some years. I won't push them back. I do love him tho